Feeling overwhelmed and upset all the time

na24

Is it normal to be feeling like we're facing a huge, huge mountain to climb right now? ?I know my girls are healthy and that we're lucky that way. ?They're just in the NICU as feeders and growers. ?But just pumping all the time and only getting to see them for a limited amount of time every day really, really sucks. ?I am so sad every time we go home, and I know we can't stay there 'round the clock because we'd go crazy and I'd never get any rest and I need to get at least some rest. ?But then I wonder how I'm ever going to breastfeed two babies at once and be able to meet their needs when I'm pumping ten times a day right now and am not making enough milk for even one baby's full feedings, much less both of theirs. ?Is my milk going to pick up one of these days? ?Will it get better once they get home? ?Even when they come home, they're still going to be kind of young to be able to breastfeed all the time, so we're going to have to supplement with formula. ?I just hope that my body will be able to adjust and supply more milk as the girls get better able to demand it from me. ?

I hope this is going to get better. ?Right now, I am miserable. ?I don't have my babies at home, I'm tied to the pump all the time, I'm not getting enough sleep, and even with all of that, I'm still not producing enough milk. ?And they're probably not going to be home for another week. ?And then once they come home, I'm going to be paranoid and scared that they're going to lose weight and that I won't be able to take care of them like the nurses in the NICU do. ?I don't know what else to do. ?

meldoo2002

First breathe.  It's hard to know how breastfeeding and everything will work out when you are home.  It's only been a week, your supply should pick up, but you should also talk to a LC at the hospital to see if there is anything you should be doing to increase it now.  

 My boys were in the NICU 5 and 6 weeks.  I was up to breastfeed them each twice/day for a few weeks before they came home.  I kept up with that at home at first, but it got to be too much to breastfeed, then bottle feed to top them off, then pump so now I'm strictly pumping.  They are getting 1/2 BM and 1/2 formula because I have a low supply, but I do know that there are some people producing enough milk for 2 babies.

 Hang in there and definitely get some rest.  Get a hands free bra so when you pump you can at least do other things like lay slightly reclined to rest, read, nest, etc.  Also if you can pump while near your babies at the NICU.. that can help your supply.  If not bring a picture home and set that up near your pump station.  Lack of sleep and stress can all affect your milk supply.  kellymom.com is a great resource.  Goodluck! 

mcdev

Breastfeeding is so hard. ?Especially when you are separated from your babies. ?You do what you can. ?I never had an overabundance of milk, but every drop counts. ?So just do your best. ?Many women say their milk increased when their babies came home. ?Hopefully that will be the case for you too! ?Have you spoken to a lactation consultant? ?Mine recommended Reglan and it did help me.

As for taking care of your babies like the NICU nurses. ?No, you won't be able to care for them like they do.....you'll be better. ?They are only taking care of their physical needs. ?You are the one who is going to smother them in kisses, rock them to sleep, provide them safety and security. ?It will all click. ?Mommy instinct is a strong one. ?Not to say you won't be exhausted. ?I swear those first 3 months I was in a complete haze, but it will all come together. ?Promise. ?((Hugs))?

lemen99

Your feelings are normal.  I felt the same way!  Soon your babies will be home and you'll realize what a great thing you did by pumping. 

Try not to worry about your supply - stress only makes it worse!  Try to take care of yourself.  You need to do that for your babies!  Get your rest.  Drink water.  Take a walk now and then to get some fresh air.  Take a break from the NICU once in a while.  It's hard to stay away but you'll be glad you did.

And ditto getting a hands free bra.  It seriously saved my life.  I pumpd every 3 hours from December until June (our son was in the NICU 117 days) and I seriously would have gone insane without the hands free bra.

The other thing that saved my sanity was pumping at his bedside instead of leaving to go to another/separate pumping room.  I felt isolated in the pumping room.  It was nice to be able to sit and watch him, and also my DH was with me so we could hang out!

You're doing the best you can, and that's all you can do.  Just tell yourself every time you pump is better than not pumping.  So whether you get 1 ounces or 3 ounces, it's all wonderful for your babies and worth your time spent.

 

clyoungsey

such good pp's...great suggestions.  The only thing I can think to add is to hold and cuddle babies to your chest as much as possible.  I almost automatically feel a let down when I hold my little guy who hasn't gotten it yet, so I am pumping like a mad woman like you.  Pumping in the same room may up your supply too.  Just looking at your baby can influence it.

Good luck!

tierelieber

Aww, you're doing great mom!

DD decided to make her entrance in the middle of one of the worst winters I have ever seen in NE Ohio. There were days when I wasn't able to make the 40min drive to the NICU to see her because of a blizzard, and it was heartbreaking. It is so tough not being there, and knowing that strangers are taking care of your baby. You just have to remind yourself that the NICU is the best place for your LOs right now- otherwise they would be home with you.

My milk supply went way up after DD came home. She never quite got the hang of BFing, and I ended up pumping until she was one month adjusted. She would get half BM half formula up until that point. BFing preemies is very difficult. A lot of moms on here have done a great job with it. I just wasn't patient enough. Pumping is difficult, but as the PP said, every drop counts.

You are overwhelmed with craziness right now. Things will get better, I promise. In a month or two, you'll be sitting on your couch, BFing your chubby, adorable babies.

KellyMichelle

Your feelings are very normal.  BFing is hard and it takes some time to get your supply going.  The NICU is very stressful and that doesn't help the bfing situation.  Just keep pumping and the more that you are able to hold them and BF them the better your supply will be.  It is also normal to be scared about taking them home.  I was terrified when it was time to take DS home.  It was hard at first, but we settled into a routine pretty quickly and then it was wonderful. 

Take a deep breath and know that you are doing everything you can for your babies.  Everything will get better I promise.   I noticed that you are in Houston.  Are you at Women's?  That is where my DS was.

na24

Thanks for the perspective, everybody. ?I appreciate it. ?Sometimes it just seems so overwhelming that it's hard to realize that everything will probably work out just fine.

We're at Methodist. ??

Mrs. Destructo

Aww, sweetie, hang in there. Having babies in the NICU is so, so hard.

Are you getting enough rest? Making milk takes a LOT of energy, so as hard as it is, try to get at least 8 hours of sleep in every night (and nap if you can). You also need to make sure you're eating enough. You need to eat an extra 1000 calories a day to make enough milk for your little babies - so keep on stuffing as much food into your stomach as it will hold. Drink a ton of water too, carry a big cup or bottle with you everywhere you go, and drink drink drink.

Hang in there. We've all been in your situation, and it really does suck. But you can get through it, I promise.

And I have to ask, are you an LM Montgomery fan? When I saw that you named one of your DDs Cordeilia I immediately thought of Avonlea

 

 

na24

Yes, I always loved those books when I was young, and we loved the name, so we just went with it. ?My mom is slowly getting used to it but she says it's an awfully big name for such a little girl. ?I think it suits her, though. ?