adoption after having a biological child


I'm new here.  I've been lurking for a while, but finally decided to write something.  We are blessed to have the most wonderful child in the world (I'm just a little biased.)  After TTC for over a year, and hearing some pretty devastating news, we're beginning our research on adoption.  We're really in the very beginning stages.  My question to you lovely ladies, is...For those of you who have biological children already, how did everyone respond to the adopted child.  I believe that DH and I would love this child just the same as  we love our DS.  Our little guy is surrounded by people that adore him, I mean really adore him.  I worry that other relatives may have a hard time loving the adopted child in the same way.  And, the last thing I would ever want, would be to bring a child into our life that would feel any less loved than our biological child.

Any advice or experiences with this?


Re: adoption after having a biological child

  • I don't have the perspective of being a parent to a bio and adopted child, but my older brother is adopted.  My parents thought they couldn't have children and adopted my brother and then 4 years later my mom got pregnant with me.  I know that my brother never felt for a minute that he was any less important than I was.  No one in the family treated him any differently.  He felt just as loved as I did.  My parents even talked to him about finding his bio parents if and when he wanted too, and he said that he never wanted to try and find them because he already had the best parents in the world.

    I hope you find peace in whatever decision you make, but I know just from reading your post and your concerns that you would be a wonderful adoptive parent.  You would advocate for your adopted child and I know your DS would love him/her as much as you do.

     Good Luck!

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  • My DS is bio and my DD was adopted.  Family and friends treat them the same no matter how they joined our family.  We've found that it's important to educate family and friends on positive adoption language and to prepare them by letting them in on the plans for adoption (as much as you are comfortable sharing).  Family and friends follow our lead and since we don't treat them like anything other than our children, other people follow suit.

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  • You can't control how others feel or act. But you can be a role model for them. You can make it normal by the way you love your adopted child as "yours". And if they can't love it the same - just feel pity. They are choosing to miss out on joy that could otherwise be theirs.



  • Hey jarbaby I remember you for TTC board I think we were preg at the same time.....(my son will be 2 next week)....We are doing an International Korean adoption and have been matched with a baby boy who we hope to bring home this summer.... My family is sooo excited about this and I will be honest with you I was a little worried also BUT they see how happy it makes us and how wonderful it will be for Michael to have a younger sibiling....I would consider discussing your plans with all the important people in your lives and let them know how you feel and I think you will be surprised how people who love you will react.  GOOD LUCK  and keep in touch this is an awesome board with awesome people!!!
  • They will love the adopted child the same.

    My cousins have 2 bio children and 1 adopted (from China). They had a daughter and then couldn't get preg again so they adopted a little girl from China and everyone is in love with her. She is treated exactly the same. Then, they got preg (Surprise!) afterwards with a son.

    So I would not worry. Talk to your family about your plans and your concerns/worries.

  • I have one adopted daughter and one bio daugther and family and friends love them just the same.  There is no difference.  What I never understand is.....the family doesn't carry the baby in their belly so they have NO connection to them before they are born anyways?  I never understood this but maybe Im just so guarded about my adopted dd that Im like a momma bear with her.  Anyways, GL on your journey I hope your family is able to find peace in whatever you end up doing! =) 

    "I have four children. Two are adopted. I forget which two. -Bob Constantine

    "All for Love,' a Saviour prayed 'Abba Father have Your way. Though they know not what they do...Let the Cross draw men to You...."

  • I've never posted here before, but I just wanted to add that I am a "bio" daughter, and have an "adopted" younger brother.    I can honestly say that family/friends/everyone treats us and loves us exactly the same.  there's never been a difference.  GL with growing your family!
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