Is this ok? Having your DC call your BF "Daddy"?

babygroves · June 2009

My best friend called me today and said her ex DH was being weird about something and said to her, "Brookie (4 year old daughter) told me that you told her it was OK for her to call John (my best friends boyfriend) "daddy".

So I asked her what she said.

Her reply:

She told him that 4 months ago when her sister had her baby, Brookie asked if the baby would call Jordon (her sisters boyfriend) Daddy. She said yes because he is her Daddy. Then Brookie asked her well if you and John have a baby will they call John "Daddy". She told her yes. She claims that then Brookie asked if it was okay if she called John "Daddy". She told her if she wanted to then yes.

So I asked her, If ex DH had a girlfriend you would be okay if they told her she could call her Mommy? She says, "Well, it's different...John has been around since she was 6 months old. If we have kids toghether and they are calling him Daddy I don't want her to feel like she is not a part of the family and can't call him Daddy.

My thoughts:

Brookie has a Daddy that is involved and around. He is her DAD! I told her how I felt and that I know for a fact she would flip out if ex DH told Brookie she could call his GF Mommy. Now if her Dad was not involved and/or she never saw him then ya...maybe that would be different. But she sees her Dad multiple times a week and stays the night with him mutliple times a week.

What do you think?

Is it okay for her to call her Moms Boyfriend "Daddy" even though her Daddy is in the picture?

babygroves · June 2009

Holy Crud! Sorry so long. This is just really bugging me.

Fordlor · June 2009

Absolutely not. I think that is unacceptable.

Califlorida · June 2009

i would think she should call her dad Daddy and her mom's bf, John. or whatever his name is. the little girl should understand that her dad is different from any subsequent half brother/sister's dad.

jamie5315 · June 2009

I think it's odd.?

KittenGator · June 2009

I agree- it's odd. First names would be more appropriate in this case.

Faith1318 · June 2009

Yeah, if I were that little girl's dad I would be livid.

bittch.please · June 2009

she needs a bittch please. your dad is your dad. other dudes get called Uncle, Mr or Firstname. send your friend a BP from me.

vanillacourage · June 2009

The mom should have come up with some other term of endearment for the boyfriend. Hugely inappropriate even if the dad were not in the picture. (If the dad was a deadbeat and the couple were married, I'd feel differently.)

babygroves · June 2009

bittch.please:

she needs a bittch please. your dad is your dad. other dudes get called Uncle, Mr or Firstname. send your friend a BP from me.

BWAHAHAHAH!!! I MUST know who this AE is!!! Too funny!! LOVE IT! I will for sure send her a BP!

Princess_Ariel · June 2009

Personally, I'd wait until there was a legal relationship (stepfather). Other than that, as I've grown, a bestF's mom might let me call her "mom", or "mom (name)." I don't even refer to my MIL as mom, but "mama," and the grandparents who raised me are "Grandma" & "Grandpa."

Mrs Manners · June 2009

Fordlor:
Absolutely not. I think that is unacceptable.

This.

Mominator · June 2009

No way. That is a slap in the face to the birth father.

smfinallymg · June 2009

I agree with you 110%!

southernbelle82 · June 2009

if her real dad is involved in her life, no, boyfriend should not be called dad.

618mom22boys · June 2009

If the dad is in the picture I think that is wrong.

But my oldest son calls my FDH dad and that is not his dad. But than again my DS hasnt seen his sperm donor since he was 2. SO the only dad he has known is my FDH. He also calls FDH dad grandpa.

LoveEeyore · June 2009

Aww- that's so hurtful. Maybe even deliberately mean. I secretly get jealous that MIL wants to be called G-Mom. Mom is mine and only mine. I would be furious if I were him. That said I imagine in the situation, defining relationships could be very hard for a 4 yr old. I may suggest a little photo album of everyone in her life that she can see and have them "defined" for her regularly. Maybe compromise- "Johndad?"

mom2be:)2008 · June 2009

I think that is so wrong. If I were that father (the birth father) I would be totally pis*ed. Since the father is in the picture, I think it's totally inappropriate for the boyfriend to be called dad. Even if they get married, I think she should still call him by his name. Or maybe say stepdad or something. Her dad is her dad. I would go through the roof if DH and I weren't together and my child called the other woman mom. NO WAY!

lvisser · June 2009

This is how I see it...

If I die and DH gets remarried while the kids are young, go ahead and call the new lady mom...

But if we get divorced and I am still in the picture, then HELL NO! JMHO.

mabst196 · June 2009

That isn't cool. My sister's stepson calls her by her first name. She has been involved (now married) to his father since he was maybe 6 months old. His mother is his mommy.

MargieMom · June 2009

IMO - NO WAY.

LukeAndAmanda · June 2009

My soon to be stepdaughter lives with her mother and stepfather. However, she has been "taught" (which is what I can assume) to call her stepdad Dad. However, I have been with FDH longer than his ex wife has been with her stepdad (she doesn't call me mom). So I don't know, she's come to our house calling FDH "Daddy Luke", which in my opinion is worse than anything, because NO child should know their parents real names when they're that young, especially when it's their STEPparent that they're calling dad, and their DAD "Daddy Luke".

I don't think she needs to be calling him daddy when she has one. In my situation, and yours! That's crazy.

Di&Roddy · June 2009

Nope! Not at all. Unexceptable. Daddy is Daddy....not John. She should call John something else. This is stepping on Daddy's toes, and it woudl be the same for Mommy...it's NOT different.

o2bme · June 2009

Mominator:
No way. That is a slap in the face to the birth father.

Ditto!

Spin313 · June 2009

I think it's inappropriate.

If the mom didn't want the DD to feel "left out" of her half-siblings family, then use Uncle John.

newportbride715 · June 2009

Absolutely not!

What a slap in the face to the ex. I understand the concern about wanting her to feel "part" of the family, but this is not the way to solve it. The mother is just making herself feel better/less guilty. She is not helping the DD long term. She should call her stepfather by his name or some other fun/pet name they could choose together.

A friend of mine did this growing up- called her stepfather Dad and called her REAL Dad "Daddy Ken." It really messed her up long term and she wishes her mother had handled things differently.

Amrice78 · June 2009

I'm of two minds because I always called my stepdad Dad and Daddy as well as my real dad, but I don't think she should encourage her to call her BF daddy until they are married just in case there are a string of BFs, kwim? My brother has his daughter call his gf mom and I don't like it because I don't see them lasting and my niece has had enough abondonment issues from real bio mom to last a life time and I don't want her going through that again.

GabbysMama · June 2009

My parents have been apart since I was 5. My mom was in a relationship for 23 years and I never called that man dad and my dad is in a relationship for 20+ years and I never called her mom. My reason why is that both my mom and dad are huge parts of my life. They are my mom and dad. I always get a mother's/father's day card for my parents SO (for someone special) and appreciate everything they did for me growing up but I would never call them mom or dad. One of my childhood friends mother would date numerous men. She would call everyone of them daddy. It always broke my heart.