Girl-naming dilemma (purely theoretical at the moment -

didobas

 - not only am I not pregnant, but it remains to be seen whether I am able to... )

but if/when we do have a baby, and if it's a girl, I want nothing in the world so much as to name her after my late mom. And, it's not only to honor her memory - I love the sound, the meaning, the way it goes with the last name, everything. Now, when DH and I talked about it, he explained that although he didn't care for the name, he wouldn't "dare" to say no to it because of my motive (i.e., honoring my Mom) - and he wouldn't want to hurt my feelings - but it made him feel like he had no say in the matter.

I understand where he is coming from and appreciate his being open and frank about it... but how do we find compromise? Middle names aren't really our thing - we come from a culture where there's supposed to be only one given name. Thoughts?

(of course, the first thing that comes to mind is, have a boy and your problem is solved ) 

 

mfransdell

Well whats the name???

You could always compromise and use a variation. Finding a name you both love isn't going to be easy.

berryblndgirl

Since a middle name is out, using a variation of the name is the only possible compromise I see.

Arlene Holt

I agree w/ pp some form of your mother's name would be nice or see what the meaning of her name is and find a name with a similar/complimentary meaning.

I've also seen some pretty, yet unique name combinations on this board. It would depend on your mom's name but maybe combine it with your name or another family name and create something else.

didobas

mfransdell:

Well whats the name???

You could always compromise and use a variation. Finding a name you both love isn't going to be easy.

He-he, I purposefully avoided telling the name - the "ethnic" thing would probably start its own NMS thread, which is not the point. As for variations on the name, I believe that to name a child after somebody is to use that person's actual name. It's just my opinion - I know that it may mean different things to different people. 

vivalarevolution

didobas:

mfransdell:

Well whats the name???

You could always compromise and use a variation. Finding a name you both love isn't going to be easy.

He-he, I purposefully avoided telling the name - the "ethnic" thing would probably start its own NMS thread, which is not the point. As for variations on the name, I believe that to name a child after somebody is to use that person's actual name. It's just my opinion - I know that it may mean different things to different people. 

 

So basically you aren't looking for ideas on how to compromise at all.

If you won't budge on using a variation and middle names are out of the question, are you just looking for us to say to go for it and screw everyone elses opinions?

I'm sorry if that seemed unkind but I think I might be confused as to what you're asking.

kiki4

It's hard to give an opinion without knowing the name.  Could you break with the cultural aspect and give the baby a middle name?

Arlene Holt

didobas:

mfransdell:

Well whats the name???

You could always compromise and use a variation. Finding a name you both love isn't going to be easy.

He-he, I purposefully avoided telling the name - the "ethnic" thing would probably start its own NMS thread, which is not the point. As for variations on the name, I believe that to name a child after somebody is to use that person's actual name. It's just my opinion - I know that it may mean different things to different people. 

Well then the compromise comes from him agreeing to name his daughter after your mother even though it isn't his style. It doesn't seem like there is another solution.

You don't like the mn thing and you don't want to look for a variation due to the symbolism--which is totally fine. But other than the obvious solution that you pointed out (try for the boy) there really isn't another way to compromise. Theoretically speaking, your DH will "lose" and you will "win".

JinglesChic

I know you said it's hard for you to have one child right now, but if you are planning to have a larger family he could have "dibbs" on the next child's name. Growing up my view was always I'll have final say to naming the girls while my DH will have final say to the boys names. Now that I'm actually PG, I feel like I'm the one going through the morning sickness, alcohol deprivation (although I am in no way a drunk), waking up twice a night to go pee, etc... so that allows me to have the final say with DH providing some input. Besides, your name is for a very noble cause I don't think you should be sad about wanting to use the name. Nor do I think your DH should give you any issues using it.

rebus82

Given that you seem to be pretty set in your opinion on the matter, I offer you this advice:

Horse -------- Cart

Not the reverse. You're welcome. ?

Arlene Holt

JinglesChic:

I know you said it's hard for you to have one child right now, but if you are planning to have a larger family he could have "dibbs" on the next child's name. Growing up my view was always I'll have final say to naming the girls while my DH will have final say to the boys names. Now that I'm actually PG, I feel like I'm the one going through the morning sickness, alcohol deprivation (although I am in no way a drunk), waking up twice a night to go pee, etc... so that allows me to have the final say with DH providing some input. Besides, your name is for a very noble cause I don't think you should be sad about wanting to use the name. Nor do I think your DH should give you any issues using it.

 

WOW! I guess I'm in the minority b/c DH's opinion on this child's name holds just as much weight as my own opinion. Just b/c I'm "sacrificing" my body for this child does not negate his opinion.

Just like everything else is 50/50 in our relationship, so is naming our child and raising her. If this causes some debate about what our child is named, so be it.

getnmarried910

JinglesChic:

I know you said it's hard for you to have one child right now, but if you are planning to have a larger family he could have "dibbs" on the next child's name. Growing up my view was always I'll have final say to naming the girls while my DH will have final say to the boys names. Now that I'm actually PG, I feel like I'm the one going through the morning sickness, alcohol deprivation (although I am in no way a drunk), waking up twice a night to go pee, etc... so that allows me to have the final say with DH providing some input. Besides, your name is for a very noble cause I don't think you should be sad about wanting to use the name. Nor do I think your DH should give you any issues using it.

I disagree.  I think they either need to compromise and use a variation, a mn, or find a new name.  This is just as much her DH's baby as it is her's.  He can't help the fact that she's the one that has to go through pregnancy.  Men and women don't have a choice in this matter and the only time I think that is a good excuse is when decided who gets to be at appointments and in the delivery room as it is her body exposed.  When it comes to names, DH should have equal say.  If my DH really didn't like a name (and he vetoed one of my favorites), I wouldn't use it no matter how much I loved it.

JinglesChic

Usually things for DH and I are 50/50 and he came up with name for our first DS for the very same reasons that this poster wants to name her first DS after her mother. I'm completely okay with it, but if there's a naming issue in the future he knows and feels that my opinion is heavily weighed. It's the only time I'll use the "mother card." It's important that we agree on how we raise our children and things of that matter but the only ways I will not name my child the name that I love is if he 1. wants to honor a deceased loved one and 2. he absolutely can't live with the name.

 It sounds like this poster's DH doesn't mind the name, just wanted to be part of the naming process. So it doesn't fall into my two criteria for not picking that name. 

 

EastCoastBride

rave251:

JinglesChic:

I know you said it's hard for you to have one child right now, but if you are planning to have a larger family he could have "dibbs" on the next child's name. Growing up my view was always I'll have final say to naming the girls while my DH will have final say to the boys names. Now that I'm actually PG, I feel like I'm the one going through the morning sickness, alcohol deprivation (although I am in no way a drunk), waking up twice a night to go pee, etc... so that allows me to have the final say with DH providing some input. Besides, your name is for a very noble cause I don't think you should be sad about wanting to use the name. Nor do I think your DH should give you any issues using it.

 

WOW! I guess I'm in the minority b/c DH's opinion on this child's name holds just as much weight as my own opinion. Just b/c I'm "sacrificing" my body for this child does not negate his opinion.

Just like everything else is 50/50 in our relationship, so is naming our child and raising her. If this causes some debate about what our child is named, so be it.

You're not in the minority.  I dont' feel me carrying the baby and giving birth to it means I get final say on the name either.  I think that's a crappy attitude to have about it and where does it end? 

 

didobas

I honestly don't want "a final say", even though I hope to be the one carrying the child and giving birth... some day. What I really want to happen is for the name to kinda grow on him, I guess, so that I don't have to change it, and he doesn't have to resent it because he comes to like it. Yes, ideally, I think that's what I want. But first, I must somehow manage to get pregnant.

----retires to TTTC board

CourtneyRDH

EastCoastBride:

rave251:

JinglesChic:

I know you said it's hard for you to have one child right now, but if you are planning to have a larger family he could have "dibbs" on the next child's name. Growing up my view was always I'll have final say to naming the girls while my DH will have final say to the boys names. Now that I'm actually PG, I feel like I'm the one going through the morning sickness, alcohol deprivation (although I am in no way a drunk), waking up twice a night to go pee, etc... so that allows me to have the final say with DH providing some input. Besides, your name is for a very noble cause I don't think you should be sad about wanting to use the name. Nor do I think your DH should give you any issues using it.

?

WOW! I guess I'm in the minority b/c DH's opinion on this child's name holds just as much weight as my own opinion. Just b/c I'm "sacrificing" my body for this child does not negate his opinion.

Just like everything else is 50/50 in our relationship, so is naming our child and raising her. If this causes some debate about what our child is named, so be it.

You're not in the minority.? I dont' feel me carrying the baby and giving birth to it means I get final say on the name either.? I think that's a crappy attitude to have about it and where does it end??

?

I completely agree. It would bother me to know that my husband didn't love his child's name. ?

wheelenl

rebus82:

Given that you seem to be pretty set in your opinion on the matter, I offer you this advice:

Horse -------- Cart

Not the reverse. You're welcome.  

I agree. Infertility is stressful enough (if that's in fact what you're going through) without fighting over names of theoretical babies. DH and I didn't discuss names at all until I was actually PG. Why fight about something that isn't even an issue right now? 

tct1219

i say discuss other names and see if there is possibly another you both love. if not, use your mom's name. unless, that is, you would break tradition and use her name as a fn and let him choose the middle or vice versa.

good luck!

didobas

Hi ladies,

I just wanted to thank you all for your input. I know - naming a child that's not even conceived yet is not a real issue. But if a girl's got BOTB, she'll want to discuss names, too soon or not too soon, and what does she care about the proper horse/cart placement?

Of course, when the time comes, DH and I will get a chance to discuss all those options you suggested. I promise we'll do our best not to fight!

 

j*&p*

rave251:

JinglesChic:

I know you said it's hard for you to have one child right now, but if you are planning to have a larger family he could have "dibbs" on the next child's name. Growing up my view was always I'll have final say to naming the girls while my DH will have final say to the boys names. Now that I'm actually PG, I feel like I'm the one going through the morning sickness, alcohol deprivation (although I am in no way a drunk), waking up twice a night to go pee, etc... so that allows me to have the final say with DH providing some input. Besides, your name is for a very noble cause I don't think you should be sad about wanting to use the name. Nor do I think your DH should give you any issues using it.

WOW! I guess I'm in the minority b/c DH's opinion on this child's name holds just as much weight as my own opinion. Just b/c I'm "sacrificing" my body for this child does not negate his opinion.

Just like everything else is 50/50 in our relationship, so is naming our child and raising her. If this causes some debate about what our child is named, so be it.

Same here.  I don't feel like I get to pick the names just because I'm the pregnant one.  This is a baby we are both going to raise and an addition to our family.  I wouldn't go for a name he hated and he wouldn't insist on one I hated either.