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Adoption
CaptainSerious
member
Extended Wait Times - Looking for Options (Sorry, Long)
CaptainSerious
member
in Adoption
I?m feeling pretty defeated today. Last week, my agency e-mailed us about a conversation one of the families adopting from Peru had with the Peruvian authorities, in which they were told that the Peruvian agency?s goal is to make referrals to families within 12 months of approval. We were pretty happy about this, since we had always heard that the average wait time for a healthy, young child was 12-18 months (we are requesting an older child and are open to certain medical situations).
Over the weekend, we saw a letter from the Peruvian vice minister, released last Wednesday, on the authority?s website. It states that they are not accepting any more applications in 2009 because of the large number of applicants, and that current wait times are 2-3 years from approval. My agency is advising us that this estimate is the more reliable one, since it was in an official, published statement.
My husband and I have not TTC. When we began our adoption process, circumstances made us believe that it was better to adopt now, and possibly TTC later, if at all. This decision took many things into account, including that we are requesting the referral of a child (or two) between the ages of 2 and 6, and we wanted to avoid bringing children into our family out of birth order, if possible.
We also waited until we felt completely ready to be parents before we began our process, which we have been in for 15 months. I am 34, and my husband is 41. We do not want to wait another 3 or so years before we have our first child, if we can help it. Our agency has a policy of not placing a child in a home within a year of any new additions to that family, so if we have a child, we would not be able to accept a referral until our child is a year old. We?ve been holding off, but since the waits are now so extended, I mentioned to our SW that we were contemplating this as a possibility. She informed me that Peru has denied families with children younger than 2 in the home (because of adjustment and the fact that the youngest children adopted from Peru are usually 12 months and older). This means that TTC is still not a good option for us at this time.
My SW mentioned the possibility of switching to another program, but mentioned all the programs the agency offers are running slow, except maybe Russia. I don?t think that either of us is willing to switch programs at this time. We feel bonded to the Peruvian program and I truly believe our child is there waiting for us.
I?ve brought up the idea of tweaking our homestudy for a domestic adoption, and pursuing that at the same time, but this is such a new thought to us that my husband is hesitant. We have a lot to think through. If we do domestic, would we do infant adoption? If so, it would have to happen quickly, or we?d be in the same boat as if we TTC (we need as much time with the child in our home before the Peruvian referral as possible). Should we adopt from foster care? I don?t think our jobs are conducive to foster to adopt, but what about straight adoption? That brings us back to some of our deepest concerns about the difficulties involved in adopting a child who has been in foster care for a long time.
Someone please offer me ideas for us to consider. Please tell me about adopting from foster care, and dispel my fears. Please, please, give me some hope. Right now I?m feeling defeated, beat-up, and angry. There are so many children awaiting homes in Peru, these delays are infuriating. I don?t know if I?m more upset/sad for us, or angry for the poor, little ones.
(P.S.: As I've always said, all this could change if we found a child on the waiting list we feel able to parent and are granted the referral. However, they seem to be publishing the list less frequently, and the children on the list usually have quite severe medical/developmental/other issues. Besides, that may help us, but it wouldn't do jack for all those other children.)
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Re: Extended Wait Times - Looking for Options (Sorry, Long)
Wow I'm so sorry. This sounds like an awful situation. And I totally understand your frustrations!
We're doing foster care and would love to adopt our FS. There is a slight possibility it would happen and we're completely open. he's almost 3 and while the first few weeks were an adjustment, it feels like he's been apart of our family (extended too!) forever!
Oh CS ... tears welled up in my eyes when I read this. Im so so sorry!
Is there anyway to find out where your paperwork is in the process with the govt - and if you might be moved through sooner? I assume not but I didn't know if there was a way to find out.
I dont want to push DA on you at all, but you know Im a big supporter of domestic transracial adoption. We submitted our application to our agency in November, then took our time getting around to home study and everything, and as you know Grant came into our lives the end of April. We were not officially waiting, but it took us about five months from application to placement. Our story is not unique.
I just saw the other day our agency just had to place an 'immediate situation' on their site for a bi-racial baby (mom is white, father is black - no medical issues, no other odd considerations, everything seems perfect, e-mom is in Mass and due middle July). The reason this situation is on the immediate list is because of the 130 active adoptive families none are open to a race other than white or hispanic. Fees in this grouping tend to average between 15k and 25k and the agency waives their own fee and waives the profile creation fee. This is just one example but DA does not have to take a long time or be difficult. Anyway - if you decide to pursue DA, I would be happy to give my agencys information.
Someone awhile ago, maybe Fred? Posted a link to a national database of children who are currently eligible to be adopted through the state - they may be in any state but are willing or are legally able to move. I wish I could remember this site - it is heart breaking because there are like 10,000 US children in this database. When I looked through the pages, most children seemed to be 6+, AA and male, and many did have either physical, mental or emotional medical concerns. But maybe it is worth looking there too?
I cant imagine what it must feel like, but if you believe your child is in Peru then dont let go of that dream - even if you alter your plans for the immediate time.
(((sending good thoughts to you)))
Oh....I am sooo sorry. I read your post last week, and the comment from the gov't. It made me worry for you. You've been such a patient supporter of your program...I just want the best for you!
A couple of thoughts I had in reading your post and the responses.....
1- Is your agency small? Would they be willing to work w/you re: their guidelines (no placement for a year after a birth or placement)? It seems like you have good reasons to further explore their policy. You don't want to abandon Peru, or the children, but you also want to not delay starting your family. You've been patient but you also want to be realistic. Would your angency be flexible if the unthinkable happened...new baby and got a referral close to the birth???
2- Off of Jack's suggestion....are you open to trans-racial children in US? If so, the placement could be quick. Considering the new developments in Peru, you could be get a placement in the US within six months, and still have over a year of waiting for Peru which would work fine w/your agency, right??
I am so sorry....I wish I had some great advice.
Hey Cap'n. I replied briefly on AFSB, but I thought you'd be more likely to be hanging out over here.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Do the 15 months you've been waiting count toward the 2-3 years they are now quoting?
I don't know much about foster adoption, but for Domestic (non-foster) adoption, you may run into the same issue as far as timing. Maybe, if it works for you and your H, you could look into adopting an older child through an agency. If you are able to be matched with a 1 or 2 year old, you will still qualify for adoption in Peru by the time your wait is up.
Just an idea, and I know there's no easy answer, but maybe it's something you could consider.
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Thanks for all the support.
Is there anyway to find out where your paperwork is in the process with the govt - and if you might be moved through sooner? I assume not but I didn't know if there was a way to find out.
No, unfortunately, the only cases which are expedited are those where a person/couple requests to parent a waiting child. Peruvians also get preference, but they still wait for several months, too.
Do the 15 months you've been waiting count toward the 2-3 years they are now quoting?
No, technically, we aren?t even ?waiting? yet. They don?t count that until you are approved, and our approval is due ?any day now.? Of course, they?ve been saying that for 6 weeks now.
You also might consider other programs. i'm not sure what other countries your agency works with, but there are some good programs in Africa that are not long wait times and have children from infants on up.
Our agency has programs for Armenia (Armenian heritage strongly preferred/required), Bulgaria (program almost full), China, Haiti, Kenya (must relocate to Kenya for 9-14 months), Korea, Mexico, Moldavia, Nepal (program full but still accepting applications), Peru, Russia, and Ukraine. To be honest, I think we would find it emotionally difficult to continue with the same agency and switch programs.
i would also consider ttc while pursuing another path or paths
Does it sound awful to admit that we feel like the last 15 months had been a waste if we were to ruin our chances of adopting from Peru by having a biological child too close to the referral? Is this a totally awful thought? We?re so invested into this adoption, through this program, I can?t see just scrapping it.
Would they be willing to work w/you re: their guidelines (no placement for a year after a birth or placement)?
My agency is not small, but would work with us. Technically, they are supposed to put or file completely on hold once I find out I?m pregnant, but my SW told me they would let it remain active in Peru. The problem is that Peru won?t place a child with us until any biological child in our home is at least 2 years old.
i suggest you go to an informational setting for foster/adopt or straight adoption through foster care.
are you open to trans-racial children in US?
you could look into adopting an older child through an agency
I think these are all ideas which we need to seriously look into and consider.
i just want to say i am so sorry, i think some of the pp had some great thoughts and advice so I'll just leave it at that.
good luck, I'll be praying.
Hi,
I am so sorry to hear this news
I know that you are so excited about adopting from Peru, and I am still very hopeful for you. It breaks my heart to think of all the little ones waiting as well. Perhaps the 2-3 year average will be less for you because you are open to older children and possibly a child with medical needs? I know your agency said to rely on the official statement but it also seems odd that the authorities would tell a family 12 months (albeit this is informal)- so perhaps they just made the formal statement but in fact it still could happen a lot sooner.
That being said, I think the above suggestions from other posters are good- perhaps just start exploring a little bit the domestic adoption route (and possibly foster care) route and then see what you are comfortable with.
What does your husband think of the different options?
NO it doesn't sound awful at all!
I'm so sorry to hear this news...how very frustrating! I might speak to your agency and see what it entails time and $-wise to switch to a different country or domestic situation. I wouldn't say rule out Peru altogether, but just see what else you could pursue at the same time.
We haven't really had a chance to fully discuss it. We saw the letter this weekend, and just had it confirmed by the agency this morning. Our original response that we discussed this weekend was to TTC; now it looks like that's out the window.
I do know that he's very afraid of completely open adoptions, but would consider a semi-open adoption. I believe that he shares my fear of the unknown that may come with foster adoptions. We are concerned that a child might have behaviors as a result of abuse/neglect that don't manifest until after finalization which we won't be able to effectively parent. I think we need to research these possibilities and go from there.
They were very upfront about this even before we signed on with them. All money paid and not already doled out for services rendered or country fees would be transferred to the new program. Our homestudy would have to be tweaked for the new country, and we'd have to get a new Immigration approval and prepare a new dossier. All the out-of-pocket fees and costs (like Immigration application) would have to be repaid.
Unfortunately, our agency does not have a domestic program.
CS, I am so sorry to hear this news. Sorry for you and the position you are in and sorry for the kids. It breaks my heart.
I wish I had some good advice. I don't think I could risk losing my spot in Peru waiting. But at the same time, I will say having my daughter during our insane wait has helped in so many ways.
I have no doubt you will come to the right decision for you and your family.
Thank you everyone, for your support and suggestions. Sometimes, it just helps to get it off your chest and know there are people who understand how it feels to get this kind of news.
I truly don't know what I would do without this board, and all you wonderful women (and Groomz!).