This is so difficult

na24

I'm one day postpartum and am struggling to keep it together even though relatively speaking, I know our girls are in really good shape and that we are very, very lucky to have such superstar babies. ?They're both in the NICU, but have been breathing on their own the whole time. ?Their heart rhythms/rates are great and they are in good overall health, but are just there to gain weight and learn to regulate their body temperature. ?The doctors and nurses all say that they're doing A+ jobs for their ages and that they should probably go home within two weeks at the most, maybe less time.

But I'm really struggling with their feeding issues. ?Breastfeeding is so important to me, and I was always so worried about possibly having babies in the NICU because I thought it would derail our chances of successfully breastfeeding, and now I actually have babies in the NICU and am trying not to see it like that anymore. ?I've been pumping since a few hours after they were born, and I managed to get some good colostrum yesterday, but I haven't gotten more than a drop today. ?Both girls have been feeding with formula from a bottle in the NICU, but they're poky eaters. ?They were able to get off of their dextrose IVs, which is good progress, but now that they're not getting IV fluids, they have to eat even more than before, and they're just not keeping up, so they both have gavage tubes down their noses. ?And I keep getting nothing in the breastpump today, which is frustrating. ?I've met with two different LCs and they both have said that I'm doing very well, and they've been talking me through things, but it's still really difficult not to feel like a failure for not producing anything. ?And having to pump so often during the day and produce nothing is psychologically difficult. ?I hate looking at those empty bottles. ?I know it's stimulating things and will pay off in the end (right?) but it's still hard. ?The only good thing is that during the skin-to-skin time we've had with them, Eleanor seems to prefer the breast to a bottle, which makes me hopeful that she'll be a good nurser when my milk comes in. ?Cordelia not so much, but maybe she'll get there soon. ?

I knew this would be hard, after hearing stories about NICU for so long, but actually going through it is just plain draining and overwhelming. ?I can't wait to be able to take our babies home and have them breastfeed. ?It kills me to leave them there. ?

I guess I just needed to get this out here. ?I know there are so many other things that we could have to worry about, and that we're very lucky that the feeding issues are our only big problems, but it's still kind of rough. ??

RRHsMom

I am so sorry sweety and no matter how long or short your babies are in the NICU it is time away from you and just stinks!  I had a baby in the NICU for 17 days.  I could not attempt bfing until he was 14 days old bc he was on a vent and had to be on only IV fluids for a week and then gavage for the second week.  

I pumped every 2-3 hours during the day and every 3-4 hours at night EVERY day for 14 days to help my milk to come in so I could be ready for him.  He was gavaged the little I did pump at first.  After 4-5 days my milk did come in and since he did not bf for so long I ended up with quite a stock pile.  It does eventually come in.  The more skin to skin you do the more it will help.  I did not get to hold DS until he was 12 days old so I would keep a picture by me when I pumped and a blanky we traded back and forth that smelled like me and him.  That helped as well.  I was also luck enough to be able to pump in his private room and being close to him while I did it helped as well.  Maybe pumping right after kangaroo care would help.  

If it does not come in, there are other ways to help it along like drinking tons of water, eating oatmeal, taking fenugreek or reglan, etc.  Give it thime though.  My milk was not in the first day either.  

When he did finally go to the breast, he took to it ok but we still bottle fed for about a month in the nicu and at home after every bfing session to make sure he was getting enough.  When we saw good weight gain, we gave up the bottles and DS EBFed for 12+ months!!!  We actually just finished weaning 2 weeks ago as I needed my cycle to return so we could ttc again.  

GL, be patient, and stick with it!  Ask DH to be supportive and encourage you.  Mine was a huge help!  Congrats on the sweet miracles and welcome! 

FutureMrsDenman

Hi, I had my preemie at Memorial Hermann downtown in the med ctr and she was at Children's Memorial Hermann for 88 days.  I saw you were from Houston and though their might be some chance your girls were there too.

Keep up the good work pumping.  It is super super har, but it will come in and you'll be surprised at how much you'll produce once it does.  It took mine a week or so I think before it really came in and it was tough looking at the bottles just like you said!  I sure ate a lot of oatmeal (I think 2 bowls a day) because I heard that helped supply.  I was just so anxious to see some results.  Pumping round the clock every 2 - 3 hours is probably one of the most difficult things I have done.  Just try to relax the best you can!  Get lots of rest and drink your water ... it may take baby steps, but eventually all this will be behind you and your girls will be home!

C.P.C.

It is frustrating when nothing comes out and everyone tells you it's ok it will come don't worry. It's hard when your baby is in the NICU and you aren't their primary caregiver. It makes BFing feel even more important because that is the main thing you can do for them.

 It took my milk four to five days to come in. I was really worried it wasn't going to come. They told me the stress hormones along w/ some of the medications would delay it.

When it finally came I was screaming I got something I got something. DH was like you are all excited over 2 drops. I was so mad. I had put in so much work for 2 drops...lol

lemen99

Feel free to vent anytime.  (hugs)  I think feeding/BF/pumping issues are the hardest when you have a baby in the NICU, and a lot of people just don't understand!

jasonlovessara

my twins were born at 33 weeks 6 days and they sound very similar to your girls....  They were in the NICU and were deemed "feeders and growers"  Bella was 4 lbs 12 oz and Jack was 4lbs 6 oz.   Bella was in for 18 days and Jack for 21 days.  It was sooooo hard leaving them there but it got easier as the days went on.  You are doing a great job pumping, keep it up, you need a couple of days to get your supply in.... just wait... soon you will be so excited to just fill the bottom of the bottle.... any little bit helps and then your milk will come in.  This board was a tremendous support to me while mine were in the NICU, the women on here know what you are going through so please lean on us for support.  Best wishes and CONGRATULATIONS Momma!