In regards to TTC again...

SBMBride406

Do any of you find your thoughts on this turning to the macabre and morbid? I really want another baby about 75% of the time. The other 25% of the time I think I am testing fate and my basic thought is "what are the chances I will have a baby as healthy as Marino again?" I may think about this more b/c Marino goes to daycare with special needs children so its seems less uncommon than it would for parents who rarely see special needs children but I just can't shake the idea that I am being ungrateful for Marino's health and it would be wrong to potentially subject another baby to what he went through or worse.

Am I the only pessimist around here?

I want to make it clear I think my thoughts on this are somewhat irrational...I just wanted to see if anyone else was having the same type of feelings...

TriciaJoy

No, I feel the same way. I'm sure we all do on some level.

We had 2 miscarriages before I even got pregnant with Robbie, so I've already proven I'm pretty much a crappy pregnant woman. I think about the hell we went through to get pregnant and then stay pregnant.. and everything Robbie went through from being early. And I know how much worse it could have been.

But the doctors say we have a good chance of NOT doing this again (though I'll likely get pre-e again, it should be later and less severe) so I'm kind of holding on to that.

 

kamcfarlane

i have similar feelings. we had a difficult time TTC with DS, then a difficult pregnancy, a difficult birth, and then the NICU. at each point in the journey i would just hope and pray that we would make it to this point - it seems ridiculous that i would even dare to ask for another miracle. i think our experiences have lifted the veil of naivety and we can no longer go about thinking that pregnancy is this easy thing that gives you a healthy 8lb baby after 40w. instead we have seen all of the things that can go wrong and it's hard to forget them. i think having any more children is going to require nothing less than a huge leap of faith that it will all be ok. because, in this situation, the destination is SO worth the journey, as difficult as it may be and we all deserve another miracle.

preemieparent

I know how you feel and I don't think they are unusual feelings for a preemie mom. 

We only wanted to have two kids anyway so we wouldn't considering TTC anyway but I can tell you with 100% certainty that after after two babies born premature (and one less than a pound and the other less than 2 pounds) we would be done regardless.   And if Olivia had been first - we wouldn't have tried again.  In fact quite honestly, Olivia was a bit of surprise (I was on birth control when it happened) and if that hadn't been the case then we might have just had Dominic.

Part of our issue was that both times things happened without warning, without any indicating "cause," and no way of preventing either issue from happening again.  Dominic was due to HELLP/severe pree-e and low aminiotic fluid and Olivia was due to reverse blood flow in the cord.  

I know other moms who have tried again and had success (either better outcome or a full term baby).   In some ways it can help having a preemie first because you know what questions to ask, you can get better prenatal care (in terms of more checks, etc) and you have a better idea of what you're in for.

Good luck either way - I know it's a really tough decision.

2BWEDN2007

I think it depends on why you went into labor early with DC # 1 and what the chances are that it will happen again.

We were told that with my condition (IC) most women (80%) go on to have successful full-term births with a cerclage and monitoring. That did, of course, leave us with the 20% chance that it could happen again, but that was not enough to stop me from fulfilling my dream of being a Mom to 3 (or at least two)!

We are also very religious people so we basically put it in God's hands and said whatever happens is supposed to happen. So far our intervention (cerclage, p17 shots and monitoring) and faith has helped us get this far. I am 30 weeks and plugging along with no issues.

I will say that the anxiety (for me) did go away eventually. Up until 25 weeks or so I was very anxious all the time, feeling twinges, thinking I was having weird pains, etc. I was convinced at some point something was going to happen, but as soon as I hit third tri I calmed down a bit and I am very relaxed now and actually enjoying my pregnancy. I think once you get past the point where you delivered the first time the anxiety settles down.

RubyRed7

I absolutely feel that way. But it won't stop me from trying honestly. But I do think I'll be freaking out during the next pregnancy, and if I were to have another preemie, I would not be having more children, because I know I couldn't handle it emotionally.

Kaytee1206

We will try again.  My doctor said I have something like a 30% chance of pPROM again, which seems really high to me.  We will be waiting until my Dad retires from work.  That way, god forbid, if I end up in the hospital for 10 weeks again, my Dad will be able to watch Kendall every day.

DH has already made the decision I will not be allowed to do ANYTHING when when we have another.  Hopefully I will have a job where I'm not on my feet running around for 12+ hours a day.

RRHsMom

I do feel that way too.  We were so shocked when Ryan was born with RDS.  Even at the birth we thought it was all normal and fine.  My Pre-E did not rear its ugly head until 36 weeks.  (We thought I was 37 though.)  I know i am going to be freaking out not only all through pregnancy but even if I go full term, I know during labor I will be full of anxiety about complications and ending up back in the NICU.  If that happens we have decided DC #2 will be the last bc we can't do that to ourselves or another baby again.  I do also have a higher risk of RDS in my babies bc of my PCOS.

lemen99

2BWEDN2007:

I think it depends on why you went into labor early with DC # 1 and what the chances are that it will happen again.

We were told that with my condition (IC) most women (80%) go on to have successful full-term births with a cerclage and monitoring. That did, of course, leave us with the 20% chance that it could happen again, but that was not enough to stop me from fulfilling my dream of being a Mom to 3 (or at least two)!

We are also very religious people so we basically put it in God's hands and said whatever happens is supposed to happen. So far our intervention (cerclage, p17 shots and monitoring) and faith has helped us get this far. I am 30 weeks and plugging along with no issues.

I will say that the anxiety (for me) did go away eventually. Up until 25 weeks or so I was very anxious all the time, feeling twinges, thinking I was having weird pains, etc. I was convinced at some point something was going to happen, but as soon as I hit third tri I calmed down a bit and I am very relaxed now and actually enjoying my pregnancy. I think once you get past the point where you delivered the first time the anxiety settles down.

We aren't TTC again yet, but I feel the exact same way as 2bwedn2007.  DH is scared to try again, but I think in my situation, we'd be fairly confident we could get to term (or at least a lot further than 26 weeks...) and I would put it on God's hands!  I def think it depends on why you delivered early though.