Am I over reacting? Daycare related.

amiamish · June 2009

Last night my bff calls me as on on the way home (I already picked jake up from school) Her DD goes to Jake's daycare and she told me she witnessed the afternoon-part time teacher being mean to Jake. Apparently Jake had done something and needed a T.O for it, so the teacher told Jake to come to her (from all the way across the room). Jake was playing and didn't listen, so the teacher said, a little louder, "Jake come here, I have candy." and held her closed hand out, like there was candy for him there. Jake jumped up, ran across the room all happy and as soon as he got to her she took him by the arms and made him sit down and barked: "YOU'RE IN TIME OUT." (didn't tell him why or anything) Jake just sat there with a confused look on his face. (My heart is breaking as my friend is telling me this.) The teacher saw my friend and realized she'd seen the whole thing but didn't care. Said, oh hi... bye "bff's dd" have a great afternoon." My friend said she just looked at the teacher in total disbelief, then mean mugged her and left.

I am upset by this 1. because jake had no idea why he was in T.O., so what was the point?! 2. because she lied/tricked him to get her to come to him and 3. because she was too lazy to walk across the room to get his attention to tell him he did something bad and needed T.O. Jake does T.O's really well, he will 99% of the time come when asked-once you get his attention, and he's never ran away from someone when they try to make him come to them or sit down. So there's NO reason to trick him to come to her.

Then, when I got home and checked his diaper it was SOAKED full (they are only this full first thing in the AM after bed.) and there was soo much sand all over his legs/butt/front/penis-everywhere- that I had to put him in the bath to get it all off. Seriously?! Sand in his diaper-- that would be sooo uncomfortable!

Then the "small" issue I've always had, they have a high turnover rate in the afternoon/part time teachers, there's almost always someone different there. Also, all the teachers-except the one guy that's occasionally there- yell at the kids... like "JACOB LASTNAME, WE DO NOT THROW BOOKS!!!! GET OVER HERE AND SIT DOWN IN TIME OUT NOW!!!" I used to try to let that go, making excuses for them that they are trying to yell over the other kids/noise, but it's just one more thing I'm not liking.

I haven't talked to the director yet, I plan to on Monday. My mom is off today, so she has him.

So, I'm sorry this is so long and sounds like a b!tch fest, it was just a bad day I guess, but it's all adding up and I needed to vent it out and get ya'll opinions. So, if you read it all-wow- you're a trooper! Thank you!

kevschickee2 · June 2009

I would be mad about the tricking him thing and the ful diaper thing I would def bring that up to the director. The yelling ehhh it happens. But the tricking thing is just mean

DaiLyght · June 2009

Aww ami that sucks. I totally feel for you. I pulled the boys out of a daycare a couple of months ago that I was continuing to grow more and more displeased with. Absolutely talk to the director on Monday. Good luck!

And I know you know this, but what that teacher did is SOSHITTY!

VivaAmore · June 2009

I'm so sorry Ami. That all sounds totally unacceptable. I would definitely be upset and would absolutely talk to the director. In fact, I'd probably call now and not wait until Monday and just explain what you found out/experienced and ask how the director intends to address it. Sounds like they're a little too "free" with their time outs and need to spend more time talking with the kids so they understand what they did wrong.

dpdw · June 2009

That's not at ALL a b!tch fest. I'd pull my DC out of there immediately. If that's how they treat kids in front of the parents I'd be afraid of what they do when no one is watching.

happ17 · June 2009

tricking is not okay--poor thing probably doesn't know why he was being punished, and it would breed distrust if this is something they do often.

And yelling--here or there in potentially injurious situations ia fine, but constant yelling--not okay.

I would definitely talk to the director about your concerns, or find a new daycare. At least, that's what I would do.

emilykristene2006 · June 2009

I confess. I have tricked DD into coming to me but not for a time-out. I don't think you are over-reacting with that at all. He should know why he is in time-out.

The diaper, not over-reacting. I'd be pissed.

Unfortunately, I'm a yeller. But, I don't think I'd like someone else yelling at DD. I would be concerned with the high turnover in help, though.

amiamish · June 2009

VivaAmore:
I'm so sorry Ami. That all sounds totally unacceptable. I would definitely be upset and would absolutely talk to the director. In fact, I'd probably call now and not wait until Monday and just explain what you found out/experienced and ask how the director intends to address it. Sounds like they're a little too "free" with their time outs and need to spend more time talking with the kids so they understand what they did wrong.

I thought about calling her, but she's a major fast-talker and doesn't listen well. I want to tell her in person, so I can talk over her if need be. Plus I want to see her face when I tell her.

I talked to SIL about her DD's daycare, it's a tad cheaper then Jakes, just as close and she says she's never heard them yell at the children. I have another friend that takes her son there as well. One the one hand, it'd be awesome for Jake and niece to be in the same room (4months apart), but on the other hand I don't know if I want to pull him out just yet. Plus I'll be a SAHM once I get pg, so I don't know how much longer he'll be there anyway.

asianbymarriage · June 2009

Omg, you are totally not overreacting. That is completely unacceptable! I would be fuming, and I would definitely talk to the director about her behavior.

I also think the high turnover rate is a big red flag. One of the reasons we love our daycare is they have the lowest turnover rate.... it's something ridiculously low, like 8%, because they treat the teachers so well, pay them well, and hire only the best. I admit, the tuition IS more expensive than the regional average, but to us the peace of mind is worth it, so we make sacrifices in other areas to afford it. I don't know if you're thinking of switching at all, but... maybe you should. JMHO.

BubblyToes · June 2009

happ17:

tricking is not okay--poor thing probably doesn't know why he was being punished, and it would breed distrust if this is something they do often.

And yelling--here or there in potentially injurious situations ia fine, but constant yelling--not okay.

I would definitely talk to the director about your concerns, or find a new daycare. At least, that's what I would do.

This. Exactly.

I would be pissed to find out my child is constantly being yelled at. To me there's a huge difference between yelling and raising your voice. I've heard Will's teachers raise their voices to communicate with a child, but no outright yelling. That wouldn't fly with me.

brightning · June 2009

Definitely not overreacting. None of that is acceptable - I'd definitely have a serious talk with them and maybe start looking at other places. Poor DS

stacynikki · June 2009

I would be upset. Not so much the yelling but the timeout, the trickery, the diaper. I would talk to the director. Ask what their policy is on discipline. I asked DS's teachers and they aren't allowed to do TO's. They get down on the same level as the child, explain what they did wrong and how they should handle the situation, and then redirect. If they continue to act up, then they have to stay by the teacher for the rest of the day. Sounds as though your DS's teacher needs to be talked to in how to deal with discipline.

happ17 · June 2009

I'm sorry I have to come back and comment again--dude, I'm pissed FOR you. RE: diaper, poor little guy must have been so uncomfortable.

But for me I'm getting stuck on the yelling. Maybe it's because we don't really yell in our house (we do raise voices but no outright yelling), and they don't yell at PAC's daycare. Maybe it's because PAC doesn't react well to yelling, he gets scared. I'm just picturing how PAC would be in that situation and all I can think of is how scared and confused he'd be.

I'm fuming for you right now. Poor Jake.

docmay25 · June 2009

That is terrible and you have every right to be mad. I am a former toddler teacher and that behavior by the teacher disgusts me. So much of that story is wrong. I would talk to the director. Make sure you tell her every aspect of the story from the tricking, not telling him why he was in T/O, to the diaper. I would also start looking for another child care. those teachers are not invested in the children there (from what it sounds like). It is just a job, a paycheck. I believe a good teacher cares about your child and their feelings just as much as a parent would. Your poor son much have been so confused.

gracendantho26 · June 2009

I just switched Owen's preschool because of similar type of issues. I personally am bummed I even left him in the environment for as long as I did now that he is at an excellent school that treats the children very respectfully. When it comes down to it you have to be your childs advocate and if he is being treated poorly it needs to be addressed. The high turn over rate really bothered me at Owen's school and when I found his new school (through word of mouth) I made sure that they had consistency in their program, plenty of teachers so that no one is overly stressed out, and a low teacher turnover rate. Was he being abused at his old school? No. However, that is not the barometer for whether it's the right place for my child....they are still so young and need to be dealt with with compassion and patience.

niecy · June 2009

none of this is ok. The yelling thing, even if they aren't yelling, speaking in that manner is not ok in a daycare. Yeah there are times where you have to be stren but what you quoted was downright condescending and military like. I had a teacher speak to DS like that one time and guide him by the arm back to his chair (in a not nice way) when she didn't know I was there and I lost it. She got in trouble and we haven't had a problem since (she's not his regular teacher but fills in from another room once in a while.) I would definitely not let this go.