Sex life??

ryesgirl08

So i was reading back about stella....and Im wondering if Im the only one who's sex drive is on the Autobahn???

That post was hilarious though!

ewyldur

Must be because so far 40 ppl have looked at this posting and no comment lol Im def not feelin it since ive been prego...and when i do I get turned off by it being hard to breath when DH is laying on top of me And nothing is comfortable to me anymore....

Seattle_JiLLn

you're still pregnant.  that's different.  We were talking about post-partum.

 

Just wait til you're sleep deprived, haven't showered in days, have a baby attached to your boob all day, and have spit up in your hair.  Not to mention the low estrogen making it all dry and scratchy down there.  Or the healing going on if you deliver vaginally.  And then a DH who doesn't get why you're tired because you've been "sitting around all day"...  makes things fun.

JRS72206

Seattle_JiLLn:

you're still pregnant.  that's different.  We were talking about post-partum.

 

Just wait til you're sleep deprived, haven't showered in days, have a baby attached to your boob all day, and have spit up in your hair.  Not to mention the low estrogen making it all dry and scratchy down there.  Or the healing going on if you deliver vaginally.  And then a DH who doesn't get why you're tired because you've been "sitting around all day"...  makes things fun.

Amen. 

jen_and_tom

JRS72206:

Seattle_JiLLn:

you're still pregnant.  that's different.  We were talking about post-partum.

 

Just wait til you're sleep deprived, haven't showered in days, have a baby attached to your boob all day, and have spit up in your hair.  Not to mention the low estrogen making it all dry and scratchy down there.  Or the healing going on if you deliver vaginally.  And then a DH who doesn't get why you're tired because you've been "sitting around all day"...  makes things fun.

Amen. 

 agreed.  well said.  enjoy having your body to yourself and the ability to share it, at will, while you can.  it feels great to meet the needs of your child and husband but man there are days that I would love to not be touched by anybody.

nykola

Seattle_JiLLn:

you're still pregnant.  that's different.  We were talking about post-partum.

Just wait til you're sleep deprived, haven't showered in days, have a baby attached to your boob all day, and have spit up in your hair.  Not to mention the low estrogen making it all dry and scratchy down there.  Or the healing going on if you deliver vaginally.  And then a DH who doesn't get why you're tired because you've been "sitting around all day"...  makes things fun.

Jill makes a good point about noting the difference.  Still, I think it's important to note that not everyone has the same post-partum experience (lest we stave away all the pregnant ladies!).  Seriously, I have friends who actually did not have a lot of issues with getting their sex drive back,etc. post partum.  If nothing else, they were anxious to get back into a rhythm after their third tri put a damper on things.  Everyone truly is different and I think how everyone makes the adjustment is different too.

If there's one thing I don't like about pregnancy, it's how many women unknowingly project their personal experience onto others.  Just as pregnancy affects everyone differently, the same could be said for post-partum life.  For example, first tri, lots of women were telling me about how awful it was going to be when the sickness kicked in and just to wait....first tri was great for me.  Then there were the ones who said "just you wait until second tri...", so far so good there too.  So again, sometimes I think it's important to be sober minded about the reality of things to come, but also not doom and gloom.  I understand the need to make the distinction though.

preston18

Well said, nykola. And Jill.

I haven't had many issues getting back into the grove, but I did not breastfeed and had a c/s and never went into labor.  My son is a good sleeper. My DH does a lot.  I also had the best sex of my life during my pregnancy until I was put on pelvic rest.  I know I'm the exception and not the rule. I wasn't expecting it (neither was DH) but it's a nice suprise.

 

Seattle_JiLLn

True that not everyone is the same.   But I wish more people were more honest with how much things (EVERYTHING) changes after you have a baby.  I think people like to paint a rosy picture of it all, and then when you actually get there and it's really hard and exhausting and not fun all the time, you think you're doing something wrong or are a failure.  When really, it *is* hard and exhausting and you dont' knwo what you're doing and you question every step you make.   And I think girlfriends need to be really honest and upfront so you know a little bit of what to expect.   So that you're not blindsided when you get there.   If you go into it thinking your relationship won't change with your DH, then you're not goign to be ready. 

blueLu25

I totally agree. In my 3rd tri, I thought, I cant wait for the baby to come so we can get our sex life back, but I had no idea that you cant have sex for 6 weeks after, plus healing time for vaginal births, (more even for c-section) etc. We were exhausted! I felt like I never had time with DH b/c EVERYTHING is about the baby (which it should be) but it is really hard to be parents AND keep your marriage going like it was before. And DH and I have a wonderful marriage and it is still something we have to work at. I guess I just wish I was more prepared in that area, and kept thinking, I have all these girlfriends with babies, WHY DIDNT SOMEONE TELL ME? We do need to be more open with each other, the more you know, the better prepared you can be!! And not that its going to be bad, either, just different and hard.?

nykola

blueLu25:

I totally agree. In my 3rd tri, I thought, I cant wait for the baby to come so we can get our sex life back, but I had no idea that you cant have sex for 6 weeks after, plus healing time for vaginal births, (more even for c-section) etc.

Really? You didn't know about the 6 week rule? (at least).  It seems like these days now it's pretty common knowledge among most pregnant women that the nookie isn't coming anytime soon immediately after childbirth.  I always just thought that was a given and expected it.

applecider

So, my friends told me but I never understood why.  For me at least, it's not that I'm not interested in sex (I have distant, distant memories of it being quite nice).

It's just that I go to bed before 9pm on most nights in an attempt to get 4 or 5 hours of unbroken sleep.  Also, the baby gets up at 6am (!!!).  So I'm usually zonked by the time DH goes to bed.

preston18

I think I heard so many negative things I was expecting much much worse.  So when things weren't that bad, i seriously thought I was doing something wrong.  Like talk to my OB and pedi about what was wrong with him or me.

Maybe it's because my closest girlfriend had serious PPD and never sought treatment and I use her as my barometer?

Expect the best, but prepare for the worst.

I feel almost traitorous posting this, like i'm breaking the mommy code... 

 

You know the old saying about god never giving you more than you can handle?  Maybe He has low expectations of me.

blueLu25

I knew it wouldnt be right after, but no, no one told me about the 6 weeks, nor would I have been able to imagine what recovery would be like. I did so much prep for the birth, I didnt give much thought to what it would be like for me after. Maybe its only common knowledge on here.

Seattle_JiLLn

preston18:

I think I heard so many negative things I was expecting much much worse.  So when things weren't that bad, i seriously thought I was doing something wrong.  Like talk to my OB and pedi about what was wrong with him or me.

Maybe it's because my closest girlfriend had serious PPD and never sought treatment and I use her as my barometer?

Expect the best, but prepare for the worst.

I feel almost traitorous posting this, like i'm breaking the mommy code... 

 

You know the old saying about god never giving you more than you can handle?  Maybe He has low expectations of me.

 

No, it's great that you've had a great experience.  and I think everyone needs to share what it's like for them.  THat's what I like about this board - enough differnet experiences to help people (sort of) understand what might be in store.

nykola

preston18:

I think I heard so many negative things I was expecting much much worse.  So when things weren't that bad, i seriously thought I was doing something wrong.  Like talk to my OB and pedi about what was wrong with him or me.

Maybe it's because my closest girlfriend had serious PPD and never sought treatment and I use her as my barometer?

Expect the best, but prepare for the worst.

I feel almost traitorous posting this, like i'm breaking the mommy code... 

 

You know the old saying about god never giving you more than you can handle?  Maybe He has low expectations of me.

THANK YOU for saying this. I actually think I'd prefer to hear this more and less of how terrible it is.  Honestly, I feel like that's what I hear the majority of the time from strangers, though most of my closest friends have had great experiences.

It was the same thing when I was engaged.  Lots of grumbling from the married folk, not enough of the "wow marriage is really great talk."  Which understandably, wasn't the experience of many, but still... Our first year of marriage was wayyyy more fun and enjoyable than I ever expected because of all the horror stories I'd heard.

I think women should provide balance for other women.  We tend to operate in extremes and tell people it's one way or the other.  So instead of saying "this is how it's gonna be."  It should be balanced with, "My experience has been....but yours may or may not be the same."

Seattle_JiLLn

nykola - people don't talk about the bad stuff to try to scare you or make you feel bad.  people are just telling the truth about how things are for them.   of course some people bounce right back, but a lot of people don't.  I bet if you did a poll you'd find that it's not an exaggeration that a lot of people - maybe even most - have a seriously decreased sex life post-baby.

LuvBug12683

preston18:

Well said, nykola. And Jill.

I haven't had many issues getting back into the grove...  I know I'm the exception and not the rule. I wasn't expecting it (neither was DH) but it's a nice suprise.

 

The same thing happened to me too! I used to hate sex but ever since I got my IUD it's been better than ever...so weird! I never would have guessed I could actually enjoy it again

nykola

Seattle_JiLLn:

nykola - people don't talk about the bad stuff to try to scare you or make you feel bad.  people are just telling the truth about how things are for them.   of course some people bounce right back, but a lot of people don't.  I bet if you did a poll you'd find that it's not an exaggeration that a lot of people - maybe even most - have a seriously decreased sex life post-baby.

I never said anything stated here or anywhere else was an exaggeration.  Nowhere in my responses did I even infer that.  Who am I to tell someone else that their post-partum experience is not their experience?  I think what everyone's said is totally valid.  What I said is that we as women often operate in extremes.  So we use our reality (personal experience and the experience of those around us) as the context without recognizing there could be an opposite experience.  The testimonies I hear from strangers are totally valid too.  If someone says, "Get ready, the first year of marriage is going to be hell." That's their reality and it's valid, but it doesn't have to be mine.

I also don't think anyone says things to scare or make people feel bad.  I didn't infer that either.  I actually think most people mean well when they are honest about something.  I've never discerned ill-will or ill intent.  I do think sometimes there's a difference between painting a picture of how things WILL be versus how they MIGHT be.  That's all. What I was trying to imply is that oftentimes, we mistake our experience for the whole.  I do it too and have tried to be careful about projecting my own experience with something onto others as "the rule" versus "this is my experience and many others, but yours might be different."

Realistically you can run statistics on anything.  A large percentage of people in America aren't happy in their marriages. That doesn't mean we should all assume the byproduct of marriage is unhappiness.  Just sayin....

I get that there is a decreased sex-life post baby.  For many women, that starts before or even during pregnancy.  Sure sleep deprivation, a lack of time or energy is inevitable.  But I think issues related to sex-drive, libidio, and recovery time are all specifc to each woman.

Edit: Also just to be clear Jill, concerning all my comments, I was just kinda venting in general.  Totally not directed toward you :-)

KNemo

LuvBug12683:

preston18:

Well said, nykola. And Jill.

I haven't had many issues getting back into the grove...  I know I'm the exception and not the rule. I wasn't expecting it (neither was DH) but it's a nice suprise.

 

Thank Gawd for this b/c I am getting one in a week! Can't wait to return to the booty!!!

The same thing happened to me too! I used to hate sex but ever since I got my IUD it's been better than ever...so weird! I never would have guessed I could actually enjoy it again

ewyldur

I just wanted to say that everything can't be all baby or you will end up divorced like my brother (and many others for that same reason). Everyone should be equal in a family...I know its not easy and i haven't experienced that part yet but you have to make time for your spouse.  I watched my brother go through this twice with his wife leaving him 2 times and 50% of the reason is because she enjoyed being pregnant so much and once the babies got here it was more work than she thought and she basically wasn't ready to grow up.... And the other half was her saying they never talked anymore etc etc.