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Home.. from devyns service...

callmecrazy1callmecrazy1
in Parenting

For the 29 odd days that Devyn was in the hospital it was like a roller coaster. First everyone was scared, then very sad, then angry to where they turned on one another ( god could I tell you some awful things), and today... I just wanted everyone to be happy for Devyn as he is now jumping on clouds playing, and as the pastor put it, will NEVER be sick again. That meant a lot to me.. to hear that he may not be in our sight, but he is certainly healthier than he has ever been and unlike us all .. will never feel pain again.. will never suffer. This is my note that I wrote two days ago and read today at the funeral...... thought I would share.( excuse the proper engilsh ahead of time)

 

 You know, people always talk about the question "Why".. they always try and find an explanation of WHY something happens. It is when life smacks in you in the face with so much at once and nothing satisfies you for an answer, that you realize that no such explanation exists. I often wondered what happens to the families of those who lose a loved one once the world around them goes back to normal, yet everything about their own life changes. As I left the hospital on May 20'th, 2009, I felt the numbness and pain that is only partial to Nicole and Joes pain. However, as I was driving something hit me instantaneously and I began to think about the amazing grace and love that God had given to my family on this day. God shed his light on Devyn and although he left this family with such fear about how they were going to move on, he cast a very warm blanket over them. I do not believe any mother or father could ever be prepared for such a tragedy, but he does in fact prepare us all for such loss and what we call a memory. It started the day Nikki found out she was pregnant with more than one. She was so nervous and excited at the same time. Twins! How exciting. Joy and glee filled their faces throughout the entire pregnancy. Joe was like a big kid, always giggling. It was like the circus was coming to town.. we were all so excited to see these babies! Devyn and Dylan were born on November 29th,2006. I remember holding them both in my arms, Devyn in the left and Dylan on the right. They were the cutest little things. I remember thinking, God, what a blessing. There are TWO of them. WOW. I had one and I was amazed. Look, she has two babies to stare at all night. She has been double blessed, is what I thought. You know, for the first 6 months, I couldn't tell Dylan from Devyn. Someone was always correcting me. It wasn't until their first birthday party did I begin to really notice the difference in the two. Devyn was such a sneaky little booger, always had the sweet face and the big smile.. such a big smile. And he was going to be so tall. A basketball player I thought.. Devyn reminded me most of my younger brother Jordan. You know, the sneaky one. That runs in our family. When he gave that look, you knew he was up to something. He was unique in a way that he thought about things and processed them. Unlike the impulse reaction the rest of us inherited. He was what NIkki called her BALL of sunshine. Always the happiest baby you had ever seen. Always the happiest in the room. I am telling you, the twins thing to me was brand new.. I am still amazed by how smart they are and how they work as a team. I remember the day Nikki began potty training. First it was the pottys in the hall way. Hey, you have to do what you have to do. Within three days, those boys were trained. I couldnt believe it. I remember being over the house several times and come bedtime the twins walk themselves into the room, crawl into bed, and go to sleep. I almost fell to the ground in amazment.. you don't even find that in a book! Devyn had a short journey but a BIG mark on the world. I remember Devyn for the love he brought into my life. For the things he and his brothers have taught me. For those of you who know Nikki and Joe, they are super parents. I still want to pinch them to see if they are real. You see, throughout Devyns life he has been preparing us all for what we call a memory. Memories aren't made until someone touches your heart and most of the time not made until we lose them. I am sure you can all find a thousand memories of Devyn in your hearts. It's impossible not to. Dylan will forever hold Devyn's hand, because that is what twins do. Even though they began to be two totally separate intities from that first day in Brandon Hospital, they still hold a very special place in each others hearts. Devyns brothers will forever hold a piece of him in their souls and together will make it through this hard time creating more memories. Devyn will forever walk the world with us all. So before I say goodbye and before you to do too, I ask that rather than walking out of here today, and asking that question "why".. walk out and smile, knowing that Devyn---- is walking with you. Take his memory with you and share it with the world. And to God's promise, one day you will go to Devyn and see his smile again.

 
Keep me strong, help me to stand
Support me with your loving hand
Hold me tight, oh Lord, I pray
Guide me through another day.
Heal my heart and wipe my tears
Take away my pain and fears
Give me peace, oh Lord, I pray
Guide me through another day.
Show me how to share a smile
Push me to go the extra mile
Let me love, oh Lord, I pray
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