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Parenting
Input on relatives and discipline issue - very long!!
So, this weekend we were at a bday dinner for my bil. From the moment we walked in the door my sil started making comments to dd about her behaviour. She told her as we were walking into her dd's room , "Whatever mess you make you WILL be cleaning it up" The way she said it was very ugly but I chalked it up to her being in a bad mood and let it slide.
Then, dd was carrying to of her dd's purses through the living room and was headed to the back door. SIL said.... "You ARE not taking those outside" again with a tone to her voice. I told her to take them back to the room and let that slide.
During dinner (which was already 30 minutes past R's bedtime) R started throwing a fit about something I don't even recall and stomped off to the girls bedroom. I told mh to go in there and handle it and as he was going sil was already making her way back there. At that point I made a comment that I was perfectly capable of handling my child w/out her help and she proceeded to act as though she did not hear me.
Then, as we were leaving my mil asked R something about her shoes and she replied "yeah" and I said R you need to say "yes, malm" and she did. Before R could barely get it off of her tongue sil lifted her face up by her chin and said, "How about say yes malm!" At that point I totally went off and told her that I did not need her help in disciplining my children. She replied she was sorry but she needed to say yes malm. I said I had already told her that and she said "Well I didn't hear you" and then I said Well it doesn't matter it's not your place to correct my children anyway especially when I'm standing right there.
So...am I wrong? Do you let your relatives discipline your children when you are in the room? Where is the line?
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Re: Input on relatives and discipline issue - very long!!
i would be annoyed as hell and gone off, too!
and a question- what is "yes malm?" do you mean "mam" or is that something you say where you live? I have never heard someone say "yes malm"... just curious.
L-R: Liam (7), Eimhin (6) and Fionn (4)! (Irish names)
Too busy to update the pics for now ...
I think it is all in the approach. I wouldn't mind if my mom or sister corrected my kid's behavior, as long as they did it respectfully. I can not stand it when my MIL corrects Noah b/c she tell him he is being a "bad boy". I just don't use that terminology with my children. I always have to correct her. I would not stand for someone (anyone) snapping at my children as you described though. I would have definitely said my piece.
Like I said, if someone corrected my kids in line with how I disclipline then I guess I wouldn't mind. Actually, sometimes Noah responds better when it is someone other than me or MH doing the correcting.
UGH that is unfortunately such a common family battle!
You did right by confronting your SIL. In the near future, I would have your DH call his brother and tell him that if you're both around your DC, you would prefer to be the one doing the disclipling (because of course your DH is on the same page, right as you, right?) and that the other night made you both very uncomfortable. Hopefully BIL will agree and tell his wife to BACK OFF!
Just curious--did she actually get all the way to the bedroom with your DH and if so, what did she do?
And to answer your question, it totally depends on which relative is disciplining my child. I would be fine with every relative other than MIL doing it. The difference is, anyone else would be doing it to be helpful and would be within reason. My MIL, on thether hand, would be doing it to prove she is a better mother than me and it would be ridiculous, petty stuff.
Um yeah, DH called bil to wish him happy bday (it was yesterday) and they were both brooding about it.
Bil agrees w/ SIL and says that when we dedicated our children in front of our church we asked everyone to help us discipline them. The ceremony is about agreeing to raise our children as christians and asking our "church family" to help us do that. It has nothing to do w/ discipline. Apparently she was upset about it all day. He says that in his opinion others have the right to discipline his children and even spank them if they see fit!
Mh told him that he would NEVER lay a hand on one of his children and did not feel the same way. I'm so glad mh agrees w/ me on this!
Good for you. I would've kicked her ass too. I have issue with anyone trying to discipline my child, especially when I'm right there and am perfectly capable of doing it myself.
PS: LOVE the pics!
Umm, yikes. I would have to limit contact with these people. They sound like they are straight from Crazy town.
4speedy - she did go all the way back to the bedroom but mh was right there and handled the situation. I didn't ask him what she did but I'm assuming she just "looked in" to see how he handled it.
It was definitely the way in which this was handled that bothers me. She was not correcting her in the right spirit. If it had been someone else or had she kneeled down beside her and said "Did you forget to say something?" I wouldn't have flipped out about it. Her tone was uncalled for...
What? What does saying "yes Ma'am" have anything to do with Christianity?
We had a similiar situation at dinner the other night at my parents house. My dad asked Preston if he wanted something and he wouldn't answer him. My dad then said, "you need to say no sir". I told him that he only needed to answer, "no thank you". My dad apologized and Preston then said, "no, thank you".
No effin way. I would have been pissed if my SIL did that to DS. It's one thing if you were not around (like she was there for a playdate) but if you are there, then there is no excuse for her doing that.
And, her grabbing her chin to lift her head up to her is unacceptable in my book as well. I would have gone off on her too.
Pineapples. Both of 'em.
Ditto this.
Holyshitballs.
BTW, were you guys at the zoo a couple of weeks ago?? Not to sound creepy stalkerish. LOL
You take my ovaries, I take your yarns.
I don't have a problem with family or even friends disciplining my toddler, especially when we are in their home provided it is a measure of safety or social skills.
I'm sure you were upset by the evening's events, but in hindsight it would have been much better to take your SIL aside at a calm moment and discuss your feelings over the matter. For your daughter to witness you going 'off' on your SIL is probably not a good thing. You don't want to model this kind of behaviour for dispute resolution.
You posts since imply some bad blood lingers. Best to clear the air with SIL, BIL and ensure future get togethers are a pleasure for all.