Childish Vent - sorry need to vent somewhere

tiffyr0se

So there used to be 4 of us that were good friends.  Sometime while I was pregnant/had baby, I got dropped out.  We never had a fight, I guess I just wasn't fun anymore?  The three of them still do stuff all the time (1 is pregnant now), but never invite me, even though they all know I'm dying to get out of the house and DH is more than happy to watch Cole. 

So now, it's mine and one of the other's 30th birthday this month.  We have always had big parties celebrating both of our birthdays.  Not this year.  I got a text from the girls wanting to know if I wanted to go in on a Wii for the other birthday girl.  And this morning I got an invite to the other girl's party. 

I'm trying not to be hurt, obviously we haven't really hung out in about a year, but I still am.

Moesten

I'm sorry, that stinks! Sounds as if it might be time to wish them well and move on. ?I understand how that would be hurtful though to be suddenly shunned and then the awkwardness about the b-days/being hit up for a gift. There is really no event(s) you can go back to to see when things might have gone wrong? ?Have you had a conversation with any of them about the change in your friendships? ??

JLPT830

I'm so sorry.  I don't think this is a childish vent at all.  I think my feelings would be terribly hurt.  I agree with PP.  May be time to move on. 

tiffyr0se

 

No we never had a fight.  2 of them do go out drinking a lot (think drunk, not happy hour), and I obviously couldn't go while pregnant, so I guess that's where the distance began. I ask them out to lunch, dinner, and shopping all the time, but always get a no, with the exception of a few quick lunches.

I think I'm skipping the birthday party because I'll just be bitter, and am obviously not shelling out $80 for a present to someone I haven't hardly seen in a year.  I will probably still go to the baby shower, but beyond that, I know you're right, I need to just let them go.  Would be easier if I had many other friends, but we haven't lived here that long so these were most of my friends. 

teacherjess

Okay, my feelings would be REALLY hurt. I would ask the friend who said something about going in on the Wii why you aren't doing a joint celebration this year and if she doesn't have a good excuse, I'd let them go. They sound like they've dropped you because of having a baby, but the pregnant friend will find out soon enough how difficult things can be with a baby at home sometimes.

And I definitely wouldn't go to the other girl's party. I'd be really hurt, too. Not a childish vent at all-- good friends matter a lot in life, but I don't think these girls are ones you can count on any longer.

bgsugrad

Definitely not a childish vent at all!!  I would be just as hurt - in fact, I feel like so many things have changed between my friends and I since we've had kids and I'm not sure why....and it really makes me sad sometimes!  I feel like I'm the same fun person, except with a few more responsibilities! ;-)  It does take a lot more planning to do "get togethers" and my friends who don't have children do not get this at all - they assume I should be able to get away whenever I want.  I would maybe ask your friends what happened to the joint bday party like old times?!  But yeah, I would probably skip the party too b/c I would just be pissed the whole time - but that's me! LOL

suprchicy

Definitely not a childish vent!  I have gone through the same thing and don't even have kids yet.  I have very few female friends anymore because as our lives changed, we grew apart, pretty much like what you are describing.  They would be all for going out to the bar and staying out really late, but would never meet up for lunch or just to hang out, and would not accept me leaving early if I did go out at night (it was all or nothing apparently).  I agree it might be time to let them go and find other people, even though that can be pretty hard to do sometimes.  GL!

cops_wife

It's not childish at all! That said, I think groups of girls are really hard to do unless everyone's really mature, and that's rare even as young adults. Women can be so nasty, and there's so much drama when you're in that group dynamic, and who has time or energy for that anyway, you know? I think if I were you, I'd count myself lucky that I'm out of that situation and not keep coming back for more. I'm sorry they're being so mean! 

Lyons_in_2007

The only thing childish about this vent is the way your [former] friends are acting!  I'm sorry they are being such fairweather friends - that is awful and I'm sure it's very hurtful.  Why is it so difficult to find genuine friendships among women?!?  Just another example of how men have it easier...LOL!

jgeiman

{{hugs}}

I'd be hurt too. Unfortunately sometimes that's just life, but I would still be hurt.