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Multiples
Mrs. Destructo
member
(long) I can't believe I just had this convo with H
Mrs. Destructo
member
in Multiples
Backstory: We've had 1 or 2 sick kids in our house for awhile, I think we're ending our 3rd week (it's all a bit of a blur). L has been up 4-5 times a night for the last 3 nights, including last night. We're both exhausted, and our house is a complete dirty sh!thole because it is just about impossible to clean when one kid is sick and needs to be cuddled and held, while the other is a wildman getting into everything. Our house wasn't very tidy to begin with, and now it's just an embarrassing disaster area.
More backstory: Last weekend H's parents and aunt invited themselves
over for this weekend, starting Friday afternoon and leaving Sunday
evening. Woot, happy fukcing mother's day to me.
Yet more backstory: We're had a LOT of drama from the ILs recently because they think we don't welcome them into our home enough. We feel terrible that they feel that way, but at the same time it's infuriating to me because every time they come over here they stay the ENTIRE weekend - and they're here every 2-3 weeks. They suck up close to half of the time H, the boys and I have as a family because H works very long hours.
Even more backstory: Last night as I tried going to bed for the 3rd time, I told H "you need to call your parents tomorrow and tell them how sick L is". He replied with "I will, but they'll come anyway" - and he said it with a happy-to-see-his-parents-soon tone to his voice. WTHOLYF?
This morning, L woke up crying and choking on phlegm (for the 5th time since we put him to bed), and I managed to quiet him down and stick him back into bed while H got ready for work. Before H left, I flat out told him that I do not what his family to come over until we can clean up our house.
H said "it's okay, they understand."
I replied "NO, they do NOT understand. If they understood they wouldn't invite themselves to stay at our house for 3 days when we have a sick kid. They would understand how much of a burden they were being on us by inviting themselves over and expecting us to be hospitable to them. They do NOT understand."
H looked crushed that I would say such a cruel thing about his parents, and I feel terrible for saying it. But at the same time, I'm angry that I had to say that to him. I understand that he's looking forward to seeing his family, and that he's eager to patch things up with them. But god@mn, would it be the end of the world for him to call them up and ask them to not come until Saturday morning? They SHOULD be understanding of that request.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: (long) I can't believe I just had this convo with H
Wow! That has to be so stressful. I agree, they should be understanding! Why don't they stay at a hotel if they find the need to come up that often?
They would come even if you told them not to? That is rude! I would lose my mind if my ils came to stay with us every other weekend. (they live close, so that isn't an issue thank God!)
Good luck this weekend. Would you feel comfortable calling them and telling them this is a bad weekend? I hope it all works out and that your little ones feel better soon!
I'll tell ya what....you were very NICE to dh in my opinion. When I get overwhelmed with the kids and the house is nasty, I'm pretty nasty.
If he wants them there so bad on Friday night, then he can bust his ass at cleaning the house before they get there, and HE can be the one to wash all their sheets/towels when they leave.
NORMAL people accept a simple phone call stating, "hey...since L has been sick all week, we need friday night to catch up on house work etc, do you mind coming sat morning so we can focus on a visit more?"
buuuuut clearly these people don't sound to care.?
oh so stressful! I am SO sorry you are going thru this.
Honestly, you need to kick DHs butt in gear and tell him that they are NOT coming this weekend...you need time to get your family well and rest and clean and have your OWN mothers day....they need to stay away, enough said
Don't take this advice...otherwise you'll get an AWFUL, HURTFUL, MEAN, RUDE letter from your FIL!!!!
kidding
?
OMG - I almost spit out my drink!
Seriously though - you're totally right to ask them to at least wait until Saturday. I think i would shoot myself if my ILs stayed over like that. ?It's a lot if we see them for an hour each week and I can barely stand that! ?Anyway,??I'd be all far saying they couldn't come at all, but if you must compromise, then Saturday morning seems fair. ? Good luck!
I just c&ped this in an email to my hubs - he's gearing up to call his family in a bit (it's only 730 here and they sleep late). He's letting them know that if they come, it's going to be a chitty visit w/a sick kid, a filthy house, and no sleep. Hopefully we'll get some resolution to this soon.
Your story sounds a lot like my situation. The first year we had the girls, my ILs came every single weekend. They didn't stay both days, but just one. DH never had a problem with it or said anything. I work full time, so in my opinion I felt like the weekend was the only time we had to be together as a family. So it sucked to give half that time to them every weekend.
Plus, company brings more mess with them. She insisted on bringing her dog (even though I'm allergic), and their own food to eat.
It's three years later and I still have the same issues. Except they come every other weekend now. And they come if the girls are sick or not. She feels she had a right to see her grandchildren as much as she wants regardless of my feelings or plans.
Wow...I just have to say that I am so grateful that my parents and in-laws live in the same town as us...literally 4 minutes and 7 minutes away. The only problem I have with them is getting them to remember that they have to call first before stopping in....which doesn't happen that often.
I can't imagine having company for an entire weekend every few weeks. That's nuts and extremely stressful. I really hope they get the hint that you need time to get organized before they show up. I hope "L" feels better.
Whaaaaaaat?? That would drive me crazy. I give you a ton of credit for putting up with that, especially bringing her dog with your allergies. I just don't get some people...
Man! I understand how you are feeling. My dad lives about 90 miles away and comes up almost every weekend.
Most times we don't mind it but sometimes we do just want the house to ourselves. He is good about knowing when he should stay home or when I tell him we want to be alone for the weekend.
They come up every 2-3 weeks? WTF are they talking about then?
Seriously, they should understand. GROW UP parents of ours!!