Report of sleep training -- no flames please!

dr.girlfriend

I've been reluctant to post about this, partly because we're in the middle of it and I didn't want opinions that would cause me to second guess myself and partly because I thought I'd do one big post when it was all done, but we started sleep training with Kiran right at 5 months. ?I read Jodi Mindell's "Sleeping Through the Night" and although she didn't give exact age guidelines from what she says here and there it seems like she feels four months is an appropriate time to start and that six months may be -- not too late, but that you want to have some basic sleep training in place by six months.A few things surprised me about the book. ?The most important is that she thinks the initial bedtime is the ONLY time you really need to teach the baby to sleep on his own. ?She said it's like a developmental skill -- if he learns to sleep on his own at bedtime, he'll automatically start to do it at other times during the night. ?So, if Kiran was going to be upset he was only going to be upset at bedtime, when I know he's fed and comfy otherwise. ?If he cries in the middle of the night I can still pick him up, even nurse or rock him to sleep, whatever I want to do.Her system is sometimes called a "gentle Ferber." ?She basically says to put the baby down "sleepy but awake" after the bedtime routine, and that if he cries to stay out of the room for as long as you feel comfortable, whether that's 30 seconds or 20 minutes, but to do it as long as possible. ?Then, if you go in the room, try to stay no longer than a minute or so. ?She also encourages a transition object...something to give the baby at happy times (play, nursing) -- preferably that smells like you -- that goes to bed with them that they can use to soothe themselves.?Kiran had regressed in his sleeping before we started, to the point where he was waking up five or six times a night. ?The night before we started the sleep training, he went to bed at 7 and woke up at 9, 10, 12, 12:30, 1, 2:30, and 5:30. ?So, here's how it went for us:First night -- We decided to make his little lion his transition object. ?I rubbed it on me, and gave it to him to hold while nursing. ?We nursed first, and then bath because he'd been falling asleep while nursing and we didn't want to make him dependent on that. ?After bath we rock him during a story. ?Usually we'd wait until he was asleep during the story and put him in his crib, and if he woke up we would pick him up and rock him to sleep again. ?This time we put him to bed sleepy but awake and left the room. ?He talked to himself for a minute or two, then started "fussing." ?At about the 10 minute mark he started crying. ?At that point I wanted to go in, but DH said we should wait for a few more minutes. ?Five minutes later DH wanted to go in, but I thought his crying was winding down and I didn't want to start him up again by going in, I figured that would reassure us but make it harder on him in the long run. ? At the 20 minute mark (10 minutes of outright crying) he started to wrap it up, and at 25 minutes total from bedtime he was asleep. ?We never intended to do a flat out "cry it out" but that's the way it ended up. ?The biggest miracle is that this first night he only woke up once during the night! ?I nursed him and put him in the crib sleepy but awake and he went right to sleep.Second night -- Same routine. ?The book says to expect an "extinction burst" of longer crying this night. ?Crying was 30 minutes start to finish, although again the first 10 minutes was more "fussing." ?Again, he only woke up once during the night.Third night -- DH had to be somewhere that night, so I did it alone. ?Same routine. ?Same pattern of crying, but at about the 20 minute mark the crying sounded kind of muffled and I got scared and went in. ?He had turned himself belly down (which is fine, he rolls over well) but seemed to be having trouble rolling himself back, so I flipped him over, said a few quick soothing things, and left. ?He cried for another three minutes and went to sleep (crying was 23 minutes start to finish). ?Again, he only woke up once during the night.Fourth night -- He was very, very, sleepy. ?I couldn't keep him awake during nursing. ?We decided to skip the bath and do one minute of a story. ?Put him to bed sleepy but awake and he went to sleep with no crying at all, but I didn't know if it "counted" since he was so sleepy. ?This was a weird night, he slept for 40 minutes and then woke up several times between then and midnight, I think he was gassy.Fifth night (tonight) -- Same bedtime routine. ?Put him to bed sleepy but awake and he turned right over and went to sleep. ?Hopefully not a fluke!So, everyone says it's 3 - 5 days of hell and then heaven. ?If this is really it for us, I might have to agree. ?I think he'll still wake up to feed during the night, but already I see an amazing difference in terms of non-feeding wakings. ?Also, when he wakes in the morning now instead of crying, he just plays with his lion and talks to himself. ?Over time when his wakings are less frequent, I'm hoping to turn the monitor off in our room (we can still hear him through the wall) so that we hear crying but not cooing/playing. ?Anyway, if you made it to the end of this, congratulations! ?I never thought I'd be a "cry it out" person, but that seems to be the way it's ended up. ?Hope this helps someone!?

manders726

Sounds like you researched it, decided what was best for your family and it seems to be working!  No flames here. 

ocean71506

Thanks for posting! No flames from me.  I appreciate you taking the time to write what has worked for you.  It sounds like an interesting book, I may have to check it out.  I hope things continue to progress in the sleep department for you guys!

Crazycrustacean

glad it's working for you.?

Sueball1

I just read this word for word.

First of all, congrats!! I know sleep training is hard and I want to commend you for doing so well with it.

Secondly- I really like the sound of this plan. Will you please keep me updated on his night wakings? We don't have much trouble getting Leo down at night, but he needs soothing or pacifiers about 7 times a night and wakes up twice to eat. I don't even mind the night feedings right now, but I would love to cut out the other wakings...I'm curious if this plan works well for that considering she lets you go in to comfort at everything but bedtime. 

I may have to order this book now...:)

MayBride2B2007

i'm so glad you've found something that's working and i hope it continues!

ECUTeacher

This sounds a lot like what I have tried to do. I started last night. Austin has be regressing for about the last 3-4 weeks. I was reluctant to do anything, but he was spending most of every night in bed with us and I didn't feel safe doing that being that I was so exhausted.

I read your post last week about this sleeping stuff and decided to try for myself. The plan was to go to the library yesterday, but a tornado got in my way (another story!). So instead, we just did it on our own. I laid him to bed with a t-shirt that I wore to bed the night before, and his paci. He was also awake but sleepy. He talked for a few minutes, the cried for 10. At that point, I went in and patted him. He went to sleep after that. He only got up 2 times opposed to our normal all night waking. ( it sounded like your night!)

Tonight, he went down without crying at all. I also asked a daycare today, and apparently he goes down for naps everyday without crying. I really hope this continues to work for you and for us! 

dr.girlfriend

Sueball -- yeah, that part really surprised me! ?When he wakes up between feedings he's usually all-out crying, so I didn't think self-soothing would work in those situations. ?But, somehow he must be doing it? ?I did forget to mention he also is going straight to sleep for naps if I put him down when he's rubbing his eyes and looking sleepy instead of having to hold him to sleep.

AJinVA

No flames from me. ?We are just starting to let DD go longer until we go in and soothe her -- unless she starts all out screaming - I can't take that.?

Thanks for the book reccomendation - I'm going to check it out.?

SpartanGirl

I would never flame someone for sleep training.  We did CIO with DD, and she is an amazingly awesome sleeper now.  It took 2 nights - one night of an hour and a half of crying (yes it killed me, but going in to soothe her made it much, much worse) and one night of 20 minutes of crying.  She has never cried again and has never again woken up during the night.  She's almost 3 1/2.

I hope this is the sleep tool that works for you!!  I know how awesome it is to finally have your little one sttn!! 

I had hoped that sleep training would work for DS, but it hasn't so we're trying other things.  Just another testament that different things work for different kids.

((((HUGS))))  Good luck!!

GeminiKMP-C

*GASP*  You mean Kiran is learning one of the most valuable skills he'll use in his lifetime... and he's growing and getting stronger with the gentle guidance of his Mommy and Daddy?  You terrible parents!

No, seriously, I think it's great that you've found something that is working for you family.  This is important stuff and, IMO, a well-rested baby is a happy baby and a happy baby is a happy mommy... and a happy mommy is a thankful daddy!

LawLove08

It makes me nuts when people flame other people when they make informed decisions about how to teach their children to sleep. ?So no flames here, and I'm glad things are going well so far. ?Keep us posted. ?DS is a great sleeper now, but if he regresses I'll have to check out that book.

sdkrlm

that's great it's working for you.

I really wonder what it is that will make a baby STTN after CIO. 

I just feel very fortunate that Avery loves to go to sleep.  I put her to bed sleepy but awake and she immediately rolls over to her side and goes straight to sleep (for the most part)

MoinMoin

that's basically what we did. it's not that different from ferber. and i wouldn't consider either cio. cio to me means just putting your baby in the crib, shutting the door and calling it a night. although i feel like ds has regressed some.  some night we go to 3ish, other nights he's up at midnight and just cries. but it's so much better than it was, plus he's in his crib without a pacifier! if he hasn't dropped his last night feeding by six months, we're going to try the ferber method of dropping a feeding.

i think teaching infants to self soothe is very important.

Skatcat

Glad its working so far! I'd love to hear your updates. Mine are still too young for sleep training (I feel), but I sure want to start putting some practices in place now. I've really been working on putting Hope down awake and seeing what happens. Often she goes right to sleep on her own, although the last couple of nights have been rather difficult.

 Henry, I am more concerned about. He needs a LOT of soothing..he gets so hysterical.