Adoption

Gift for birthmother?

For those of you who have been through the adoption process, did you get a gift or anything for your birthmothers?  I really care about our birthmother and would like to do something for her, ideas?  Thank you so much!

 

A quick rundown on our "story" as I have been asked before and haven't responded.  We originally were adopting from Kazakstan with America World (we still may do this in the future), but if anyone is involved with Kaz they know that Kaz adoptions have slowed WAY down.  Anyhow, we run a dairy farm here in TX and had a woman working for us, she was fired in June/08.  Anyway, in Nov/08 we received a call from her, she was in a mess, pregnant couldn't keep the baby for a multitude of reasons.  Anyway, here we are...we are adopting the baby, birthmom is from mexico, birthdad is from the states.  We aren't going to have an "open" adoption.  Anyhow she is due on Thursday, I know adoptions are final, until they are final, but we are very excited and hope all goes well! 

Thank you so much for your help!

Re: Gift for birthmother?

  • First you should look at any laws that dictate how much you can spend on such gifts so that it could not later be seen as a brib.

    We had too short of notice to really think through a gift or pick one up for our birth mother. However, for birth mother's day we are sending a small photo album with pictures that we have taken thus far in his life and on the front will be an imprint of his foot and on the back of the album is an imprint of his hand.

    When you say you are not having an 'open' adoption what does that mean? I assume you have her last name and contact information and she has yours. That in itself generally indicates open adoption but if you mean you will not meet with her or contact her after the birth then will you have semi-open in which you send her updates through out the year or no?

  • Good question...as I have formed our own terminology through all this!!!  Yes, we know her, she knows us so legally it is very open.  But after baby is born we have agreed to yearly pictures through mail and no contact beyond that.  The birthparents are not planning on staying in our town, but it is a town of 20,000 we had to set ground rules, and that is what we are all comforatable with. 

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  • we have a gift basket for our bmom all ready to go. In it is a neck wrap thing that you heat up in the microwave, a coffee mug filled with tea/coffee packets, a journal, a necklace with babies birthstone (although it wont end up being his birthstone...he is late..but April's is a diamond and who doesnt like diamonds?) lets see what else..a photo album, and lotion. Just a bunch of random stuff but we hope she likes it. It's really just a small gift in comparassion to the gift she is giving us so no gift will do justice but at least it shows we care.

    We had a long time to think of something so we chose to get something for her but I dont think its expected by bmom's so whatever you decide will be great! 

  • I'm a BMom... I didn't get anything from the birth parents when my son was born - we have an open adoption and I have received lots of other holiday gifts from them though.

    Anywhoo, a necklace with the baby's birthstone (mentioned by pp) is a fantastic idea.

    Remember that nothing is actually required though, and she probably isn't expecting anything!! It's wonderful that you'd like to make that gesture! I would keep it simple, and something she can cherish forever.

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  • Thank you all so much!!!  Very helpful!!!
  • We got the BM a silver bracelet with pink pearls (for June birthday) and heart charms on it.  It was perfect...and we were thrilled to find it. 

    When we gave it to her, the SW who was there too, said it was a perfect gift.  Not too expensive, but thoughtful and symbolic of the occasion.  I wanted it to be something that she could wear and it would be special to her, but I did not want to do adoption jewelry...because that's no ones business but her's.

     I worried about spending too much because you do not want to give even a whiff of the intention that this is a bribe or payment for the baby.

    We spent about $150 on it.   

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
  • We got matching stuffed animals for our DD and for our BM and brought them to the hospital.  She loved that she could cuddle with something Ads is cudding with too.  I then made her a stuffed bear made out of the going home outfit Ads wore home.  (BM helped pick the outfit out.)  She LOVES that bear!!!!  Still thanks us to this day for it.
  • Just a suggestion that you may want to consider future interactive contact with the birthmother (and birthfather) for the sake of the child.....unless there is some other reason (abuse, neglect) involved, I think children deserve to know their history, genetics, and birthfamily, if alive and available......
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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