It is infuriating dealing with my parents. They're in town

winery

They had a conference up here (250 miles away from their home) yesterday and are going to swing by and visit the kids for a half hour.

And they'll "stay as long as they can" because they want to get back home.

Typing it out, it all sounds reasonable, I guess, but, it's just not.

The conference was on Sunday morning, but instead of using it to spend the weekend with us (since it is just 15 minutes from my house), they drove up at 5 am on Sunday.  So they're going to "swing by" for a little bit.

I just feel like...Why freaking bother?  It is SUCH a bother for them to come over and see the kids, even though they haven't seen them in months, just don't even bother.

They were self-absorbed, inattentive parents and they're self-absorbed, inattentive grandparents.

Most of my frustration comes from me expecting them to be doting, loving grandparents and my expectations are too high.

Well, I guess 30 minutes every 4 months will have to do. 

joseysbride

I'm sorry.  I know exactly how it feels.  My mother is the same way.

I just try to tell myself over and over again that I don't care.  But I really do.

babykin18

That's frustrating.  I'm sorry.

KoriBrett

Sorry.  You could be out.. LOL

Sometimes I have mixed feelings about this.  My dad and grandparents are all long gone.  So part of me feels like, well, at least you have them and they do visit, albeit in an assy way.  On the other hand, that really sucks and at times I'm glad that I don't have to put up with it much b/c they ARE gone.  Either way, I'm sorry they make you feel like an inconvenience.  That blows.

mbg8r

My IL's are like that and it frustrates the heck out of DH. They just don't like to be away from home so when they come down it's for like 24 - 36 hours and they have to combine that with a trip to Disney for the kids (SIL and BIL's kids). They live 7 hours away, why drive that far for such a short trip?? SIL and BIL can't imagine why MIL would even want to come and visit for a couple of days without them and the kids.

gracendantho26

I am so sorry Winery. That must hurt..and I'm sure it brings of feelings you had in your childhood which I am sure does not help. The great thing is that you can break the cycle and you can be an attentive present parent for your boys. Big hugs

Samantha Thomas

Awww S I'm so sorry!  That's so hurtful for you and the boys.  I'd be upset and feel exactly like you do. 

knmommy

I'm sorry.  That is how my grandparents were.  When I was a kid they would come up for something, and they would leave as soon as they got the chance.  They live about 4 hours away, they go up to the gambling boat about 30 min away from us, yet we NEVER see them.

Kapalua

I totally understand the frustration.  My MIL is the same way.  She spent all of 18 hours here (including overnight) for the first time in almost 3 years.  It will probably be another 3 years before we see her at our house again. 

JillShari

Yup.....you said it yourself.  You knew how they were going to be and still tried to give them the benefit of the doubt and set lofty expectations for them as grandparents.  Instead, it is their loss... you can't make them into who you'd like them to be, you can't change them now and your kids will know who they are and what they are like...they are showing them already.  I'm sure it ticks you off to see your kids be treated this way, but some people are just so self-centered and egocentric that they just don't see things the way we do.

It's their loss.....mourn the loss of your higher expectations, but find some way to set real low ones so they can't disappoint you or the kiddies anymore.

It sucks.....sorry!

Yodajo

I'm sorry!  You know I totally understand how frustrating and disappointing it is when your parents can't be all you want them to be. 

I guess the bright side is that the shorter their visit is, the less time your mom will have to aggravate you. 

 

Jen2124

Niiice. The most frusterating thing about people like that is they are so "self absorbed" they have no clue they are even like that. Damien's mom is like this. She has seen them once since they were born (granted, she lives in Ireland) but the whole time she was here, she shopped for stuff for herself and her granddaughter in Ireland and nothing for the boys. I was so mad/hurt. I feel for you...it must be worse when it is your own parents!

rach&jay

That's really sh!tty... but at least you know and perhaps now, you can just expect it and not have any expectations.  But I suppose that is even worse when you have no expectations of your parents. 

kylara111

My parents are the same way.

My ILs aren't any better.  My FIL and SMIL have only met Sydney once.  MIL has never met Sydney. 

DH says baby boomers are just really selfish.  I know how you feel though.  I really thought my parents would just adore their grandchildren especially considering they never shut up about me having them and now they couldn't care less.

MarchMom06

Hugs. I have similar thoughts about my parents (different issues, but just that my expectations don't match their desires, & it's incredibly frustrating.) It causes problems between me & DH, because his parents are a world away & try to stay as involved as possible. I think he resents the fact that my parents have the opportunity to be super involved & aren't as involved as we'd like. (In defense of my mother, it's pretty much just my dad. He adores his grandkids, but likes to spend his weekends bike riding. . . )

My parents also have a serious complex over my sister's kids (she & her DH are recently divorced) so they shower them with time & attention. Because DH & I are married & not dysfunctional, my parents don't feel like they need to spend as much time with our kids.

 I know it sucks. I hope you can find a way to work it out with yourself so you're not disappointed. :-(