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Working Moms
AlisaS
member
I get to mold my child as I see fit.....
AlisaS
member
in Working Moms
Just a funny post on the SAHM board.
As I posted there - forget the SAHM vs. WM thing, why is it that some mothers believe that they have some special supercalifragilistic mothering abilities (usually with their first-born as they learn to STFU by the time they have their second) that no one else has? Like keeping your child at home away from :::gasp::: any other potential child-rearing influences is such a good thing?
I always think women who say stuff like this must have big control issues. Like they are using their kid to assert their authority, enhance their self esteem or prove to their own mommy that they really ARE a grown-up.
Unless I am unaware of some super secret guide to being the PERFECT mother.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I get to mold my child as I see fit.....
Lol.
I think the secret to being a good mother is being a "rock" so that outside influences do not affect your child. You cannot keep them sheltered forever. But you can be there for them to be a role model and be a support system and show them the right things.
I'm not saying I have figured this out yet....this is just my personal motto for how I want to raise DS.
I want outside influences to help mold my child. I want them to learn from people that do some things differently and better than their parents. That includes their teachers who happen to have more experience than I in child-rearing matters.
I see too many women who have these rigid ideas about how they will care for their child and they seem to think that they are doing something new and special and neccesary. Kids just aren't that complicated.
My sister was one of those. For her, being a mom was her identity. It was the only thing that gave her any self worth. So, she really endeavored to be the best mom ever, she followed AP to the tee, she wore her babies and never let anyone else near them, she was really picky about what they ate, etc. Then her DH left her with 3 young kids and being the best mom wasn't as important as just getting through each day was. The lesson I've always taken away from that is that you really cannot put your whole being into being a mom and expect the rest of your life to go well on it's own. KWIM?
That being said, I think it can be hard with your first child to know which decisions will and will not affect your child until they're old enough that you can see that whether you BF or FF, let them CIO or co-slept, fed them home made baby food or jarred, etc. really hasn't had much affect on their ability to thrive and grow as a toddler/preschooler.
Totally know what you mean and in fact, I was going to post a vent here today re: something my otherwise pretty nice and normal MIL and SIL said to me yesterday.
For one thing--I totally love my girls' nanny. She has a TON of daycare experience, especially w/ ages 0-2 and pretty much 'figured my 2 out' almost immediately and has been awesome with them ever since. Seriously, I have learned A LOT from her. Maybe I look to her more than I would normally do b/c I lost my mom, but whatever, she is great and my girls love her. We work TOGETHER. She always asks me if she can/should do this and that. She also lets me know what has been working/not working and what has worked/not worked in the past. Seriously, if it was just ME at home with them all day, I can totally see how and what they would be lacking form other points of view/waysof doing things.
Ok, here is my vent about yesterday. We all got together w/ DH's fam yesterday to celebrate his and his sister's (SIL) birthdays. So. my MIL was a SAHM and my SIL is a SAHM and has been since her DD was born--DD is 6, DS is 4. So, I normally get along with them and know that they are well-meaning and well-intended. But this pissed me off: SIL (who alwyas thinks she is the expert in childrearing) tellsme that now that my girls are interacting w/ each other and it will only get more and more from here on in, NANNY will have to be the disciplinarian and that I have to make sure that she knows how to do it...that disciplining them is HARD WORK and since she's not the mom but with my kids all day that I have to make sure I know what she is doing and make sure I do the same thing so that we are all on the same page b/c you know, I am not home them all day and she is and she has more influence on them...blah blah blah.
Ok, probably from the way/sound of how I wrote it, it doeasn't seem so bad, actually seems concerned and helpful, right? Well, I don't doubt it and I know she means well, but if you knew her, and heard the tone of her voice, you would be pissed off too, It was kind of condescending in a way and a more SAHM is betterfor your kids than WM tone. She gets that way a lot. It pissed me off on so many levels and I really do not get pissed off too easily. Yes, I UNDERSTAND she is the NANNY home with them DURING THE WEEK WHILE I WORK (a concept my SIL will never get nor understand) YES, WE will be on the SAME PAGE with DISCIPLINING or I find a NEW NANNY. Yes, I understand disciplining kids is HARD WORK--were you (SIL) born with the knowledge and a handbook knowing these things already? Meanwhile, my girls (so far) are great interacting with people--they will go to a new person usually quite well, they play together and with others quite well. My SIL's 2 kids had SERIOUS stranger phobia. They cried A LOT as babies and then as toddlers! I probably held my niece 2x when she was a baby/toddler and my nephew about the same b/c 'they were shy/don't like strangers/have ahard time with new people/separation" Whatever, maybe they really did and who knows how my girls may get, but SIL was a SAHM mom as well.
Anywho, I just needed to vent about her attitude yesterday. I think I am a doing apretty damn good job with TWINS, a FULL TIME demanding career and NO MOM around to help me. Ok, vent over! :-)
lol Alisa - I swear you only go on that board to start trouble
I know what you mean though. Personally, I question any young woman who's only aspiration in life is to be a SAHM. They might enjoy themselves in their 20s, but when they are 50 and their kids are grown then what will they do?
Alisa,
I have to say that i really enjoy reading your posts because they are almost exactly the way I feel. People are driving me crazy with this obsessive parenting. I just read the post about the woman not vaccinating her kids and saw red. What ever happend to just having kids for crying out loud? Why does everything have to turn into these extreme decisions and huge projects to give someone an identity? How about giving the poor kid a chance to be normal?
Non-vaccinating parents are the worst kind of idiots. And they are usually such true-believers that simple things like truths and facts are meaningless to them.
I don't really have an issue with someone having aspirations to be a SAHM. It would not be something I would want for my daughter if I had one, and it goes against my beliefs and ideals. To me, it is scary for a young woman not to have some education/independence. But hey, I am an Atheist, too, but I respect that people have different beliefs than me.
It is just this idea that new moms have such rigid ideas as to what is right and wrong. Get over yourselves! It isn't as if we have seen these women creating super-kids, either!
Exactly. When did everyone else become such parenting bafoons that we need these people with their ridiculous ideas to educate us?
I think this is kind of an odd thing to say in a thread about how annoying it is to be judged by others. lol. Any why can't a sahm be educated and/or have the capability of becoming gainfully employed if necessary?
Read the posts - we were talking about young women without any of those things.
I respect other moms choices; SAHM, WM, WAHM, etc. All of them. What I don't respect is the women who think their choice is the *best possible scenario* for their children at all times....lives change, kids change and grow up, marriages change....you have to be able to roll with things as a parent, and most SAHM's I know do not have any flexibility. And want their husbands to provide financial support at all times. That part I really don't understand.
From my experience in life (preschool, school, daycare) and professional life seeing all sorts of parents, the happiest and best-behaved children come from families who are comfortable with their life, and project that onto their kids. It can be a SAHM whose husband fully supports their decisions, two working parents who love their jobs, a SAHD who enjoys being home with his kids....it really doesn't matter. But if it is a SAHM who hates being home with the kids, or two working parents who are completely frazzled from work, or a reluctant SAHD who wants to be the breadwinner, all bets are off. That's why I think it's great for parents to decide together what works best for their family, and be open to reevaluating those choices during different ages; infants, toddlers, entering school, teenage years, etc.
I would also feel extremely guilty, and this is just my opinion, after working my tail off to make it through college and my parents helping me pay tuition and getting good grades, volunteer work, and having a job, to say that my degree wasn't worth it enough for me to use it.
You are totally out of context here and like I said, you need to read the previous posts more clearly. Because your posts do not even make sense.