Draft One

EmmieB

I've got a *lot* of time, but this is one of the most crucial things to get right, right?

So I've just jotted off a couple of paragraphs to prospective emoms. I haven't even read it over. 

Our agency will have us make a web page, so I'm building it now - early, I know - so that I can fine tune it and when the time comes to upload it and make it active it will be perfect. But where it says "clicking on us" - that's because the expectant moms literally click the link that leads to our website...like shopping for shoes. But more stressful.

Feel free to critique honestly. I can take it.

TIA!

"Thank you for clicking on us. We know that this is one of the most important decisions you'll ever have to make, and we want you to know that it was for us, as well. We're on different sides of the fence, and we may never be able to understand the paths that brought us here, but one thing is true: we both want to make sure that your baby has the best life possible.

Please know that adoption is not a decision we came to lightly. It is the right path for us, and we plan on cherishing every moment of our journey. If you decide to join us, you will be equally cherished. As the Birth Mother you will always have our love, respect, and gratitude. Our adoption can be as open or closed as your comfort levels allow. We will raise your baby as our child, but we will never forget that you are also family.

 

Follow the links to learn more:"

 

PSU-NCBride

This is probably just some semantics but you asked for help! Sounds good. Here are a few things I would alter:

If you decide to join us....

I would probably say choose because even if they don't select you, they will probably be joining you in the adoption process, just with someone else. Also, I would make it clear that you have love, respect and gratitude now, regardless of the decision.

The best feedback I got was from our BF. He said that what set us apart from the other couples was our discussion about being parents and how we wanted to raise a child, rather than making a bunch of promises and explaining what we would be doing for the birthparents. I didn't totally follow him on what in the world the other couples were promising but we did put a lot of emphasis on just our lifestyle. I know you concerned about the alternative raising stuff, but actually didn't talk much about that.

In my section we mentioned that I am very eco-concscious both at work and home, but that was as far as we went with details. The rest came out when we talked in person. For the most part we talked about our hobbies, how we love to travel and why and we talked a lot about our views on the arts, education, etc. I know that's past the first paragraphs you had but thought it might be helpful. ?

EmmieB

PSU-NCBride:

This is probably just some semantics but you asked for help! Sounds good. Here are a few things I would alter:

If you decide to join us....

I would probably say choose because even if they don't select you, they will probably be joining you in the adoption process, just with someone else. Also, I would make it clear that you have love, respect and gratitude now, regardless of the decision.

The best feedback I got was from our BF. He said that what set us apart from the other couples was our discussion about being parents and how we wanted to raise a child, rather than making a bunch of promises and explaining what we would be doing for the birthparents. I didn't totally follow him on what in the world the other couples were promising but we did put a lot of emphasis on just our lifestyle. I know you concerned about the alternative raising stuff, but actually didn't talk much about that.

In my section we mentioned that I am very eco-concscious both at work and home, but that was as far as we went with details. The rest came out when we talked in person. For the most part we talked about our hobbies, how we love to travel and why and we talked a lot about our views on the arts, education, etc. I know that's past the first paragraphs you had but thought it might be helpful.  

That's a really good point. I'll make sure to edit that so it's clear.

I'm actually going to have a page on the site that's labeled "Our Parenting Philosophy" and address early childhood/schooling/etc there. 

Good points about focusing on the child. That is what this is all about, after all.

silliestbunny

I am not going to critique it since I am still in the waiting stage and don't have enough experience to give thoughtful feedback. I will say, though, that the little I know you from your posts, you seem to come across genuine and unique. And that's good

EmmieB

silliestbunny:

I am not going to critique it since I am still in the waiting stage and don't have enough experience to give thoughtful feedback. I will say, though, that the little I know you from your posts, you seem to come across genuine and unique. And that's good

Thank you! That made me smile and if we were in the same place I would hug you. 

Dragonfly_Bride

It's nice. It's hard to really critique, because what's right for one isn't right for all, you know. As long as the voice you use is your own, then you can't go wrong!