hopefully this won't get me flamed...[[long]]

orion09

jolis_petits_bijoux:

EastCoastBride:

Things should have happened like this... that's how it would happen between me and my friends/family, anyway:

Bride: "So, I wanted to tell you that you're going to be walking down the aisle with AsshatEx."

You: "Oh boy.  I would really appreciate if you could change that.  I know it sounds silly, but things are really not okay with him and me.  I am trying to be an adult about this, but we are not on speaking terms because he is acting like a crazy Asshat.  I'm afraid it's going to cause drama, or even an altercation between AsshatEx and DH, if I have to walk down the aisle with him or interact with him in any way.  Is it possible that you could change it so that I walk with another groomsman?"

Bride:  "Yeah, sure, no problem!  Thanks for the heads up... I wouldn't want anything to mess up my big day or make you uncomfortable!  I'll have you walk with JimBob instead."

hahaha..thats in regular people's life.  just so you know i said all the things you said i should have said... and the answer was still no.

orion09

sesa:

orion09:

i respectfully disagree. My husband and I have specifics on how we run our marriage and that's not something we stand for. If anyone lies to us to place us in an awkward situation we take ourselves completely out of the situation especially if it makes one or both of us uncomfortable. That's just us.

Why ask our opinion? It sounds like you have already made up your mind as to who is in the wrong.

hahaha... i would love to see you all in this situation. This story has such a huge back story to it that it would take up tons of posts. I'm appreciative of every one's opinions though. We can agree to disagree. I brought it up because i thought i would get some resolve for this situation, but apparently not. 

I care about her and want a resolution, and i have even apologized to her if i made her feel uncomfortable, and she still refuses to acknowledge that she did anything wrong. I called her after the wedding to talk just so you know after i had calmed down about everything. I can't understand how you move forward if someone can't accept the wrong they did. If people don't accept the wrong they did that means they can/will do it again. 

jolis_petits_bijoux

amyhowell08:

OMG! Seriously? She was the bride, it was HER day! If you accepted the role as Matron of Honor, it didn't matter who you walked down the isle with....if she wanted you to walk her dog on a leash down the isle, that's what you would have done. The wedding has happened.....what you are still complaining about? That she knew and didn't tell you? Get over it! It's not like she wanted you to go home with your EX.

You know, this attitude is part of the whole "I'm-the-bride-it's-my-day-bow-down-to-me" mantra that is proliferating in the wedding world.  This particular bride was, without a doubt, being a dramatic bridezilla.

Yes, when you're the bride, it is your big day, and you deserve to have things go the way you want them to.  And yes, when you agree to be in a wedding party, you agree to go along with what the bride dictates... for the most part.  I don't think a simple request to change the order in which the wedding party stands, in order to avoid potential problems between parties who are not on speaking terms is a ridiculous request at all!  

I think the OP's bridezilla cousin was acting immature and dramatic by not changing the wedding party lineup.  Being a bride is not an excuse to say "Oh, it's my day - which means what I say goes - even if it makes other people uncomfortable"... especially when the change to be made was so incredibly simple, and wouldn't have affected the wedding hardly at all.  It's not as if the OP was, let's say, allergic to gerber daisies, and those were the wedding flower... and needing the bride to change at least her bouquet.  That would still be a very valid request, however, it would be something that would have (though very minimal) an impact on the planning and execution of the wedding. 

orion09

EastCoastBride:

My husband and I have specifics on how we run our marriage and that's not something we stand for.

Yes, she is wrong to have lied.  We all agree.

However, YOUR marriage and what you and your DH have set up in your marraige is between the TWO OF YOU only. That's really not your cousin's problem.

You say you're really only upset about the lie, but that's not true.  Half your post is about you "disrespecting" your DH, etc.  And this statement above- this isn't about the lie. It is (again) about your relationship w/ your DH. 

She was wrong to lie, and if you had stepped down, quite honestly, you wouldnt' be wrong to have done that.  But being angry at the line up and demanding they change it because it doesn't fit the rules of your marriage- THAT is where you are wrong. 

Don't mix up the issues here.  Yes, she was wrong to lie, but your reaction wasn't ONLY about the lie. It goes deeper than that.  At least be honest about that!

yes there are plenty of things that upset me about the situation. i was originally pissed off about the disrespect  that occurred. but after the wedding i found out that she was lying, and i realized the whole situation could have been avoided. Mind you this decision between DH and I "over reacting" was come to after talking about it for hours, coming to a solution, praying over it, and discussing it with our spiritual adviser and marriage counselor who agreed and supported  our decision. Trust me... the last thing i wanted in this situation was drama. I would have rather not been in that situation. Contrary to popular belief.

abrightgirl

ok let's ease up here on our fellow pregnant friend!  There are lots of ways she could have handled it.....the wedding is over....move on....see if you can repair the friendship in a way that is respctful of the fact that it was the bride's day and also respectful to you since you were lied to........

orion09

CalledOut:

I'm with all the ladies who say that it sounds like everyone involved - you, your H, your cousin and her H - were all acting like drama queens. 

Seriously - your H was genuinely upset that you'd walk down an aisle w/ an ex?  COME ON!!!  ::eyeroll:: And for your cousin to "lie" about it for months - jeeze.  The whole situation is / was ridiculous and should have never happened.  Since it did, you should have just sucked it up and spoken to her about it privately after the wedding.   

hahaha... you don't know the ex.. he's border line crazy... and has done things to intentionally disrespect Dh in his face! Dh has/had been very patient with him, and me not being near the ex has kept the drama down... and everyone knows that.  like i said previously, i wa splaced in this situation, lets not forget that. I respected her decsion to not change it, and i expect the same in return, just respect, which i obviously did not get. 

orion09

abrightgirl:

ok let's ease up here on our fellow pregnant friend!  There are lots of ways she could have handled it.....the wedding is over....move on....see if you can repair the friendship in a way that is respctful of the fact that it was the bride's day and also respectful to you since you were lied to........

GAWD.... thank you! I clearly got jumped on in this post! A simple, i would/wouldn't have done it would have been fine. lol! But hey thats why i love this board... glad i always wear my big girl panties! I really wanted to know what can be done to ease the situation... the one topic that not many people have addressed. lol. silly preggy women...

orion09

jolis_petits_bijoux:

amyhowell08:

OMG! Seriously? She was the bride, it was HER day! If you accepted the role as Matron of Honor, it didn't matter who you walked down the isle with....if she wanted you to walk her dog on a leash down the isle, that's what you would have done. The wedding has happened.....what you are still complaining about? That she knew and didn't tell you? Get over it! It's not like she wanted you to go home with your EX.

You know, this attitude is part of the whole "I'm-the-bride-it's-my-day-bow-down-to-me" mantra that is proliferating in the wedding world.  This particular bride was, without a doubt, being a dramatic bridezilla.

Yes, when you're the bride, it is your big day, and you deserve to have things go the way you want them to.  And yes, when you agree to be in a wedding party, you agree to go along with what the bride dictates... for the most part.  I don't think a simple request to change the order in which the wedding party stands, in order to avoid potential problems between parties who are not on speaking terms is a ridiculous request at all!  

I think the OP's bridezilla cousin was acting immature and dramatic by not changing the wedding party lineup.  Being a bride is not an excuse to say "Oh, it's my day - which means what I say goes - even if it makes other people uncomfortable"... especially when the change to be made was so incredibly simple, and wouldn't have affected the wedding hardly at all.  It's not as if the OP was, let's say, allergic to gerber daisies, and those were the wedding flower... and needing the bride to change at least her bouquet.  That would still be a very valid request, however, it would be something that would have (though very minimal) an impact on the planning and execution of the wedding. 

will you marry me? lol! i promise you can walk down with whomever you please! lol! no seriously thank you for your opinions.

BsNakedlady

orion09:

EastCoastBride:

My husband and I have specifics on how we run our marriage and that's not something we stand for.

Yes, she is wrong to have lied.  We all agree.

However, YOUR marriage and what you and your DH have set up in your marraige is between the TWO OF YOU only. That's really not your cousin's problem.

You say you're really only upset about the lie, but that's not true.  Half your post is about you "disrespecting" your DH, etc.  And this statement above- this isn't about the lie. It is (again) about your relationship w/ your DH. 

She was wrong to lie, and if you had stepped down, quite honestly, you wouldnt' be wrong to have done that.  But being angry at the line up and demanding they change it because it doesn't fit the rules of your marriage- THAT is where you are wrong. 

Don't mix up the issues here.  Yes, she was wrong to lie, but your reaction wasn't ONLY about the lie. It goes deeper than that.  At least be honest about that!

yes there are plenty of things that upset me about the situation. i was originally pissed off about the disrespect  that occurred. but after the wedding i found out that she was lying, and i realized the whole situation could have been avoided. Mind you this decision between DH and I "over reacting" was come to after talking about it for hours, coming to a solution, praying over it, and discussing it with our spiritual adviser and marriage counselor who agreed and supported  our decision. Trust me... the last thing i wanted in this situation was drama. I would have rather not been in that situation. Contrary to popular belief.

This is proof of how big a drama queen you are. You actually spoke to a spiritual advisor and marriage counselor about  walking next to your ex for 30 second?

I get that your cousin lied to you, I imagine she did it to avoid all the BS that happened, but she was wrong to lie. However, she changed it and the weddings over. Move the eff on.

I also find it odd that you let a crazy ex cause so much drama in your marriage. Clearly the ex is part of your circle if there have been incidents in the past. You and your DH need to figure out a more mature way of dealing with him. Honestly, everyone involved sounds like they are in high school