Seriously, am am speechless (and that is practically impossible) — The Bump
Adoption

Seriously, am am speechless (and that is practically impossible)

So last night I was on the phone with a dear friend telling her how I passed my hurdle about never being pregnant and being fine with the family I have now, and perhaps we'd adopt another, blah blah blah.

Other line rings, I put friend on hold and click over. It is BM - we haven't heard from her in 4 months, haven't seen her in 6 months. Kaitlin is in the shower so I start chatting about the baby, letting her know all the good stuff going on.

She has news...ok, my stomach drops because I think she's changed her mind about the adoption. BOY WAS I WRONG

She is 8 mo pregnant. Seriously. OMG - WHAT??? But the good news (I say this sarcastically) she has been on a methadone program for 4. @*&;$@)((@$*#*($&;!*)%$(&!)*@!!! She is keeping the baby. No prenatal care yet - well unless you count the methadone clinic. She said methadone was the same as taking an Aspirin. Ok, I'm done.

Anyhoo...so, happy Thursday!

Re: Seriously, am am speechless (and that is practically impossible)

  • SERIOUSLY? Dude I am speechless right there with you!  All I can think to do is give you a hug....and a glass of wine.  ;)
  • Can someone come over and pick my mouth up off the ground......WTH...that is just messed up...after reading it I thought she was going to ask you to take the baby.  (((HUGS))))
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  • image Jas*sGirl:
    SERIOUSLY? Dude I am speechless right there with you!  All I can think to do is give you a hug....and a glass of wine.  ;)

    me, too.

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  • I am shocked.  I did a quick google search to better understand the impacts of methadone on pregnancy and yikes!  Definitely not like aspirin.

    Do you think CPS will get involved again?  Is it something you might need to prepare yourself for...an unexpected phone call?  (This is the website I found that led me to these questions...

    http://www.methadoneandpregnancy.com/wte.htm

    No need to answer unless you feel comfortable doing so.

     

  • Note to self... for next headache, ship aspirin and go straight to methadone.

    Wow. That's.... something.

    So, how do you feel about having another baby? And maybe slipping her a Depo-provera shot?

  • Indifferent

    The face says it all.

  • image Sally J:

    I am shocked.? I did a quick google search to better understand the impacts of methadone on pregnancy and yikes!? Definitely not like aspirin.

    Do you think CPS will get involved again?? Is it something you might need to prepare yourself for...an unexpected phone call?? (This is the website I found that led me to these questions...

    http://www.methadoneandpregnancy.com/wte.htm

    No need to answer unless you feel comfortable doing so.

    ?

    Wow. This was a really informative website thanks for posting Sally! I read the actual link that was called "Methadone and pregnancy," (maybe you did too, I hope this isn't redundant!) but I thought that it made the methadone seem..well not as bad as being on heroine! At the very least she is going to a clinic to get a managed dosage. What I honestly cannot believe is that she has had little to no prenatal care but has been taking care of herself by managing to go to a methadone clinic. You absolutely know they counseled her on that there. :(?

  • Thanks Sally - this does help. And remember, she has Hepatitis C too - so that's great. I am not as mad as I thought I'd be, and I dont think we would get "the call" this time around because he has a pretty big family and I can't imagine they wouldnt all step in. I am not sure about California laws re: methadone and birth - how they tell the difference between that and regular heroin - I know it all just shows up as Opiates. DH said this am "we are not taking that baby"

    Who knows what would happen if we actually DID get the call, but seriously, isnt taking 2 of her kids (that I am 100% thrilled with) enough???

  • PS. I forgot to say that this is basically an incredible story. I can't believe she called you up to tell you this news.?
  • WTF...I would really like smack this woman. Ugh, I am so  sorry you are going thru this. I am so thankful you have those 2 beautiful girls and are giving them a great life.

     

    Amie 

  • At least Hep C isn't as readily transmitted to the fetus as Hep B or HIV.

    I'm sorry you have to deal with this!

     

  • ::Picking chin up from floor::  There are not words... 

     

  • Aw, Kristen, come on...isn't it time you catch a break with this woman?  While I was reading it, I was thinking you were going to say that she cleaned herself up and wanted to work her plan.  Then I got to the part about methadone {head spinning}.  I'm so sorry she's putting you, your family, and her baby through this.

  • WTH? OMG, I am also speechless. I'm so sorry!
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  • I really can't imagine the state wouldn't get involved here.  I think the SW at the hospital she's delivers at would step in and do some checking - if only from a liability standpoint.

    Yeesh.

    2 years TTC with 5 losses, 1 year recovering, 6 months applying for adoption approval, and almost a year waiting for a placement. Then, a miracle BFP at age 36!


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  • She doesn't have a clue about being a good mother. I'm so glad you are giving your children such a wonderful life.
    Amy
    Proud Mommy to Ben
    You didn't grow in my tummy, but in my heart!!

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  • Yikes...
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  • Oh my... actually, my 2nd thought (after the whole methadone and no prenatal care for 8 months) was - how is Kaitlin going to take this?  Her mother keeping this baby.
  • image SandratheTerrible:
    how is Kaitlin going to take this?  Her mother keeping this baby.

    That is what I am going to determine tonight. She has known for a week, but her mom asked her not to tell me (she saw her last week when she was with her step dad). We have open discussions about "bad choices" and always hope to use her mom's choices as a "here's how NOT to do it," but she wasn't been happy about her mom's last pregnancy - but that ended up being my Reagan, so she is THRILLED with that one...I honestly don't know, but can report back tomorrow!

  • Wow.  Similar situation just happened to a friend of mine, and it baffles me. 

    Granted if she's attending a clinic (and with past history), i would imagine there is some CPS invovlement already, but as an adoptive parent, are you considered a mandatory reporter?

    Boy 10.6.13
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    Delivered via csection
  • image kirstenw05:

    image SandratheTerrible:
    how is Kaitlin going to take this?  Her mother keeping this baby.

    That is what I am going to determine tonight. She has known for a week, but her mom asked her not to tell me (she saw her last week when she was with her step dad). We have open discussions about "bad choices" and always hope to use her mom's choices as a "here's how NOT to do it," but she wasn't been happy about her mom's last pregnancy - but that ended up being my Reagan, so she is THRILLED with that one...I honestly don't know, but can report back tomorrow!

    Well, from what I've seen and heard from you on these boards - I'm sure you'll handle it as well as anyone could.  You're a great influence for her.

     Oh, and with regards to CPS involvement - when she delivers, they will get involved.  Hopefully she will be honest with the OB she ends up with - but if the poor baby is born addicted, they'll figure it out soon enough.  I had a friend whose son was born addicted to heroin.  They never let him go home with her from the hospital.  He went straight from there to her Aunt's custody, with his older sister.  They are both still there - and it's been about 10 years.  Very sad, but blessedly the kids are safe and healthy.

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