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need help please....

mommie-to-be-0809mommie-to-be-0809
in Blended Families

I don't know if any of you ladies can help me but if you can please any and all advice is welcome. My husband found out a few months ago that he has a child that he has never seen. We went to court and he has to pay child support. What we are wondering is that the mother will not let him see the child and he has visitation. It's not the fact that he doesn't want to see the child but she is 2 years old and he didn't even know she was even around until she was already 5 months old. If he gives up his parental rights to her then does he still have to pay child support?

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Re: need help please....

  • taagenttaagent member

    First things first, does he WANT to have a relationship with this child?  Aside from the mother issue does he want to have her in his life?

    Second, if there is a court order for visitation and she is not allowing it go back to court and have her cited for contempt but you will probably have to show proof (even if just a record of when he tried to see her but wasn't allowed) that his visitation is being kept from him.

    Third, I am not sure about whether giving up rights will mean he doesn't have to pay child support but honestly that is pretty crappy on his part if that is the reason he is considering it.  If he wants to see the child GO TO COURT!

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  • Courtney&DaryllCourtney&Daryll

    Okay I not quite sure I understand the timeline. You say that he just found out and that your SD is 2 years old but then you say he know about her since she was 5 months old.

    If your DH has court ordered visitation and BM isn't following the order he needs to take her back to court for contempt. If he doesn't have court ordered visitation that he needs to get to court and have a judge award him time with his daughter. 

    I don't know what state you are in but unless BM is married and her husband is willing to adopt you SD no court will allow your DH just to give up his rights to get out of paying child support.

     

     

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  • KJ1215KJ1215

    It depends on which state you are in.  Some states will allow a NCP to unilaterally give up their rights to a child and discharge their support obligation. (This is becoming less frequently allowed even in states that will consider it.)  Others will only allow this if another party is willing to step in to adopt the child thereby accepting responsibility for the child's financial support. 

    If there is a court order for visitation (or anything else) that is being ignored, you should speak with your attorney about having it enforced by filing a motion for contempt.

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  • Karma1969Karma1969 member

    Why would he want to give up rights to his own child? 

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  • RedHeadedLeo85RedHeadedLeo85
    imageKarma1969:

    Why would he want to give up rights to his own child? 

    Im with this. She is his own flesh and blood regardless of visitations or not.
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  • knmommyknmommy
    wow, so he is willing to give up his rights so he won't have to pay support, or is that what you want him to do? 
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  • MrsHKMrsHK member
    I still don't understand. Did he find out about DD when she was 5months or 2years old?
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  • MrsBPOMrsBPO member

    To answer your question, according to a quick search, in Virginia terminating parental rights will not relieve your husband of his child support obligation.  Terminating parental rights will relieve him of life decisions but not financial obligations.  The state will need to approve any termination of rights and without another party willing to take up his obligations (i.e. a step-parent adoption) they will generally not do so.  They are looking to the best interest of the child (child support, parental obligation, parental relationship, etc.)  They don't want to have to step on and assume financial obligations for a child (i.e. WIC, TANF, etc.) just because the dad wants to get out of paying.  You will need to speak with an attorney to confirm this information.

    I assume by "he found out a few months ago" means he was informed and knew the possibility when she was five months old but the test results came back "a few months ago" to confirm his paternity.

    For visitation, go to court and set up a schedule.  If she doesn't stick to it, take her to court for contempt.  A visitation schedule is a court order, after all.

    Why would you want to have a child with a father who is so willing to not have a relationship with his own child anyway?  What would that say about any relationship with *your* child?  It's his CHILD for Pete's sake, regardless of any relationship with the mother.  I hope this is to just satisfy your curiosity and it's completely your idea because otherwise it's just plain  Sad.


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