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Those who had a baby after having stepkids

EchowyspEchowysp member
in Blended Families

Hi, I've been here before, but not for a long time.  I have a 10 year old ss and a 6 month old son. My ss doesn't call me mom because his mother is very active in his life.  I've been wondering lately how he will refer me when his brother is older.  Would he say "Your mom said to..." or "Mom said to....."?  I'm not interested in him calling me mom, but I wouldn't want to confuse his little brother and I really don't want them feeling like half brothers.  They are full brothers to us. 

What did you guys do?

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Re: Those who had a baby after having stepkids

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    mom2onemom2one member
    He'd probably say "your mom said..." that's what all the kids I know who are in that situation do.
    Stay at Home Mama to 3 Beautiful Children by the miracles of Birth & Adoption
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    MrsSledgeMrsSledge
    SD says it both ways. 
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    IlumineIlumine member

    A rose is a rose by any other name...........

    The thing is, you son is not going to get confused about who his mommy, daddy and brother is just because you are not called mommy by your step-son.  They are clueless enough at first and then smart enough when the get older to not only get the distinction, but to ignore the distinction

    AS LONG AS

    there is no malice behind the words.  So as long as you love and parent the boys as brothers, it will all be fine.


    file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg
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    amandalaamandala

    My SD is 10 and we have a 8 month old baby girl.  When SD is babbling to DD, she'll say "give Mama a kiss" or "Mama doesn't want you to chew on that", etc...  She calls me by my first name.  So I don't think it will be an issue. 

     The one thing I don't like and we don't use is "half" - SD lives with us, and when people refer to them as "half" sisters - I have to put the smack down.  First, what is "half" - it's biological, but that's it.  They are no more or less sisters than full blooded siblings.  My dad used the half before, and I told him that won't fly. 

    My question is this:  When other people I don't know as well use that - i.e. one of her school teachers said something like "oh are you enjoying your half sister?" - I didn't say anything, because I don't know them that well.  But it bothers me, b/c I don't like the term.  So should I say something no matter who it is, or just worry about it if it comes up with close friends/family?

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    EchowyspEchowysp member
    imageamandala:

    My SD is 10 and we have a 8 month old baby girl.  When SD is babbling to DD, she'll say "give Mama a kiss" or "Mama doesn't want you to chew on that", etc...  She calls me by my first name.  So I don't think it will be an issue. 

     The one thing I don't like and we don't use is "half" - SD lives with us, and when people refer to them as "half" sisters - I have to put the smack down.  First, what is "half" - it's biological, but that's it.  They are no more or less sisters than full blooded siblings.  My dad used the half before, and I told him that won't fly. 

    My question is this:  When other people I don't know as well use that - i.e. one of her school teachers said something like "oh are you enjoying your half sister?" - I didn't say anything, because I don't know them that well.  But it bothers me, b/c I don't like the term.  So should I say something no matter who it is, or just worry about it if it comes up with close friends/family?

    Thanks for your input.  I can see my ss doing the same.

    I personally would say something to anyone who uses the term "half".  No need to make that distinction and it does nothing but put space between the kids.  

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    EchowyspEchowysp member
    Thanks for you input, guys.
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    sdc81sdc81 member

    First- your son will not be confused, I promise. DS may not completely get it, but at almost 3 my son understands that his big brother goes to a different house now & then... he's still not clear on the boys having different moms, but I am sure that question will pop up in the next couple of years, and then 'it is what it is'-- I decided to marry a man with a kid & ex!  Smile

    My SS says, "DS, did you hear Mamma?" or "Mamma said to...". He's 11 & knows that just because he's referring to me as DS's "Mamma" does not mean I am his... he's perfectly clear on things, and it creates no confusion. When talking with me, he still refers to me by his special nickname for me; for simplicity's sake, though, I have heard him refer to me to other people as his "mom"... which is not to replace his own, but just to lessen the questions he and I both get... especially because we're in a town where practically none of the parents of kids his age are divoced or separated... and he did that one on his own, too... still doesn't confuse him in terms of who carried him & who didn't.   

    Smile

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    frklsbridefrklsbride member
    my dsd calls me by my first name and calls me "your mom" to ds.  i'm willing to bet ds knows i have a real name :)
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    Linds&Chris777Linds&Chris777

    My SS is 7 and whenever he's talking to DS he refers to me as mommy.  Other than that he calls me by my name.   

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    KyahKyah member
    My SS calls me by my first name, but when talking about me to DD he calls me mama or mommy. DD calls me mama
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    *crunchy**crunchy*
    Both of my step sons call me by my first name. DD will say mom. I do not have any doubt in my mind that she won't. I doubt there will be any confusion. You might be over thinking it. Your LO will hear your DH calling you by your name which is the same thing. I hate the term half sister too. I always tell the boys she is their sister. I think it makes them feel more accepted here.
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    Kitt_LeFangKitt_LeFang member

    My Husband and i had a similar situation (when we were dating) with my 6 year old step son except he started calling me mom and his real mother by her first name, not a pleasant situation!! Especially when she found out!! o.o

    So as a solution we asked my step son to call her Mom and I Momma Lauren. But he started calling me a Mom more often after my husband and i got married in March and with the baby on the way we told him it was okay to call me "Mom" or "Momma" around the house but to be fair to the x-wife (actually we just don't want her to fuss and fight over it like she did the last time nor take it out on her son) we told him that around her to call me "Momma Lauren"

     

    So far so good!

    I can only say to talkto your schild about how they feel and to tell them how you feel especially if they can understand that this isn't over just yours or their feelings but also the baby!

    Kids are more understanding than we think actually :P

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