Stay at Home Moms

Please help me convince DH

Okay, I know this is going to sound strange... but I am putting together a PowerPoint presentation for my DH. The presentation goes through our budget, ways to save, etc. He is all for me being a SAHM, but he was raised by a working mom and he thinks that is the way to go. I am on maternity leave until August when DD will be about 7 months and I cannot imagine going back to work. I need some reasons why being a SAHM is better for her and our family than for me to be a working mom. Does this make sense? TIA!!!

Re: Please help me convince DH

  • One big BIG reason is that your child will most likely get sick alot more if they are in daycare, and you will spend more money going to the doctor and getting meds. Your child will also learn things from other kids at daycare that you may or may not want them to. If you are the SAH parent, you get to be 100% in control of what they are exposed to at your house. You can devote one on one attention to your child. They will not get one on one attention at daycare, unless you can find a nanny to come to your house (or go to hers) and that nanny only watches your child. But in that case they still will not have the biological bond you do with your child. Meaning you will be more likely to be more patient with your child than someone who is not related.

    You will save money on clothes for work (your new work clothes will be sweats and jeans) for yourself. You will save money on gas to/from work if you drive to work. If you take the train or bus you'll save that money.

    You will have more time (well, hopefully) to devote to housecleaning and cooking and managing the household.

    If you plan on breastfeeding it will be a heck of alot easier to do it than if you were working and having to pump. (you will probably still have to pump some but you know what i mean)

    If you are happier staying at home, then he benefits by having a happier wife and happier baby. Remember, if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy! : )

     If you are a working there will definitely be intangibles that you will have to pay for at work..like times when you need to go have lunch with coworkers and it's not on the company's dollar..or when your coworkers have a birthday and everybody chips in for a present..you get the picture. There tends to be expenses that come up every so often. You can save that money by being at home. You will also have more time for meal planning and saving money on groceries that way.

    There has been some talk on here lately about Dr. Laura Schlessinger's new book In Praise of Stay at Home Moms. I haven't read it yet but you might be able to get some tips in there. Darlashines.com is a good website for SAHM's too.

    Good luck. HTH

  • I am not a SAHM by choice.  I worked for 2 years and was laid off when DD2 was 2 weeks old.  However, I am loving it right now.  Since DD1 had already been in a daycare setting, she still goes in the mornings to continue learning and socializing.  Unlike the PP, I never found that she was more sick - I've only taken her for 2 sick visits to the pedi in 2.5 years, and one time was a spider bite.  However regarding our budget, it was lowered by cutting back her time there.  I also no longer have a commute to work or a dry cleaning bill - I now wash/iron DH's shirts to save money.  I cook dinner every night and we only go out to dinner (cheap places) maybe twice a month.  I have more time to use coupons and shop at different stores to get the best deals.  Additionally I was able to defer DH's medical school loans until his residency/fellowship is over and save more money there.  Another big area was spending on lunch at work (for me).  It's hard to say no when a big group of coworkers is going out to eat once or twice a week. 

    I have made other smaller changes but everything adds up.  We keep the house a few degrees cooler in the winter and I run the dishwasher less often and run the clothes washer with shorter cycles (less water and less energy).  I do not by any luxury items for myself - no more Coach bags, new shoes, massages, manicures at all.  DD2 is also relatively cheap since she is the same gender and the same size at the correct seasons to reuse all of DD1's old clothes.

    J1 1.19.07
    J2 11.17.08
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  • Hmmm, honestly I would hesitate "talking him into it".  I think it has to be something he deems equally important so that he doesn't feel forced.  Just my opinion.  I would probably be more subtle and share you heart with him. 

    Good luck!!!! 

     

  • imageBliss3/21/03:

    Hmmm, honestly I would hesitate "talking him into it".  I think it has to be something he deems equally important so that he doesn't feel forced.  Just my opinion.  I would probably be more subtle and share you heart with him. 

    ITA.  Both of you agreeing that you should SAH is extremely important if you will need to cut back for you to do so.  I know that if DH didn't support me SAH 100%, I probably would be going back to work this fall.

  • Thanks for all the advice ladies! I guess I should rephrase... DH already thinks its a good "idea" to stay home. But he doesn't think it can be a reality, and he still believes that there is no difference for children to go to daycare. I am putting the presentation together (he knows about it) because that is his personality... he supports me 100% in whatever I want to do. But I get a lot of "ideas" that I never follow through on and I think he's worried this would be one of them.
  • Some of the reasons I'm a SAHM:

    DD will only be little once and it would hurt me deeply if someone else got to witness her "firsts" - steps, tooth, word, rolling over, etc.

    As a SAHM, I can make parenting decisions based on what I thought was best for my child, rather than what was convenient for me and my work schedule. (I didn't want to do CIO, but if I'd had to get up for work at 5 every morning, I couldn't have gotten up every 2 hours all night.) 

    Once you work out the cost of working - daycare, gas, clothing, lunches, fast dinners b/c you get home too late to cook, etc. - it might be more affordable than you think.

    At daycare, DD might learn things I don't approve of.

    Daycares are germy and I didn't want my baby getting sick. I know this means she'll be sick when she first starts kindergarten, but it's less dangerous to have a 5 year old sick than a little baby. And a kindergartner can tell you what's wrong.

    I am much less stressed now that I'm a SAHM, which makes me a better mother and wife. 

    And finally, if being a SAHM doesn't turn out to be the right fit for you or your family, you can always go back to work.

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  • I'll give you my perspective, but realize this is for our family only!  I don't know if it would translate to your family and values, so take it for what it's worth to you...

    It is SO much easier, and such a better quality of life, for all of us having one parent SAH.  The sick days, snow days, etc. are no longer an issue.  DD was really sick for 6 days in a row last winter, and you know what?  No problem.  I just hunkered down, stayed up with her at night, took care of her during the day, and slept when she did.  It was such a relief not having to worry about daycare, finding a sitter, us taking off work.  Beyond that, I also run all of our errands and do all housework during the week so our weekends are only for fun family stuff.  The house and baby and I are relatively orderly when he gets home at night and a nutritious dinner is on the table.  I also help him out in any way I can to ease his load - I run his errands, keep up with his family, give him rides into/from work, and have even helped him out with work projects (we used to do the same thing).  Having both parents working is certainly do-able, and I honestly don't think kids are worse off being in daycare  for a moderate amount of time each week.  (DD was in 5 days a week before I quit to SAH and she thrived in it.  Daycare can be a good thing as long as it is used moderately, not like 60 hours a week.)  BUT it is much tougher on the parents to handle this kind of a schedule, IMO.  HTH!

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  • Sorry, after reading a lot of the responses I think you might have been looking for financial benefits?  Honestly, for us, it doesn't make financial sense.  I'm only SAH because we moved and I couldn't find another job.  True, there are some savings, which a lot of the PP mentioned, but for me I still would have come out ahead financially if working.  But like I said, the intangibles - our quality of life and impvroved habits and health - are certainly worth it to me.  GL!

    PS - DH also had to be "talked into" me staying at home.  But now he can see the benefits of it, he is mostly on-board!  No harm in opening up the discussion since it's so important to you.

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  • Oooooh, you're looking for financial reasons!!

    Well, because I was a SAHM, I was able to make all of DD's baby food. This saved TONS of money, plus there was more variety and I'm convinced it's the reason she's not a picky eater now.

    I make virtually every meal at home, with is definitely healthier. I pack DH's lunch or he comes home to eat. The only time we eat out is if we're going out with friends.

    Reduced my cell phone plan b/c I could call from the home phone, not on the road or at work.

    My understanding of taxes is narrow, but I believe we have less taken out because DH is the "head of household" with two dependents.

    If you don't plan on driving much, you can probably get a car insurance break b/c it'll be listed as a recreation vehicle (I think it has to be less than 5,000 or 10,000 miles per year, though I'm sure it varies by insurance).

    I have much more time to shop around and get better deals on things - not rushing to buy things on the weekends.

    We reduced our satellite TV package and added DVR. We don't go out to the movies, we just watch movies/shows that we DVRed. I like it so much more!

    Sorry, I didn't quite understand your request the first time!

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  • Hi and welcome!!

    I think your presentation will be great for your hubby and maybe even for yourself and I as a "visual learner" would definitely appreciate having all the facts on paper.  :)

    I think living off just his salary while you are on maternity leave will be great proof for him... is that what you are currently doing?  Maybe you could put whatever you are getting paid into savings from now until August and put together a new monthly spending budget using just his income to show him physical proof of the numbers and that it can be done?

    Good luck!

    eclaire 9.10.06  diggy 6.2.11

  • Okay, so DH and I were baby free yesterday as my mom decided she needed some time with DD (she takes her after church, its so nice!). So, I presented to my husband and he seems a bit more willing to work on me being a SAHM. Since I manage the finances, we've only been living on his salary which he didn't know, even though I have told him more than once :). I am on unpaid leave until August. Since I am a teacher, I took my 8 weeks paid and then the rest of the year unpaid. Financially, its been tight but totally doable! After my presentation he told me he wanted to know how we were going to save for retirement. Apparantly that is his only hold up. I did all this research and work and all he wanted was an appointment with our financial counselors! Why are men so frustrating, that's all he had to say, so I called this morning and we go tomorrow to look at our investments and open a college fund for DD. I really appreciate all your help, I just can't imagine someone else raising my baby. She is simply too precious!
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