On the topic of judging and finances...

r9stedt

Do you think people should have low amounts of CC debt to TTC? ?

?

Do you consider it irresponsible if their finances (among other things) are out of whack yet they are still TTC?

CleoKitty

In some cases it's irresponsible, in other cases it's not IMO providing that you can at least provide the basic food, shelter, etc. There are just too many variables and circumstances that vary from family to family to be able really make that judgment call.

Brideofranken

My opinion is this: reproduction is not something one is inherently entitled to.

I hate the attitude that if you "want" to be a parent, then you absolutely "should" be one.

Some people should not have kids.

this is an indirect answer...I feel sort of indirect about the subject. I hate to think that being in a bad financial way would blow someone's chances of having a baby, but at the same time, if you're a financial mess, why involve a kid in that?

 

eclaires

I think it's difficult to judge in such general terms.  I mean, people could have cc debt on a 0% interest card that they are paying down, and being responsible about.  There's a lot of details that you may not know.

IRL though, you may know more about people's situations, and it can be easier to judge.  I just don't know that there's a blanket rule, one way or the other.  For me, yes, there are people in my life who are not the best with money, have kids, and yes, I judge them.

I guess, what I'm saying is you can have someone who is irresponsible with money, who is making bad choices and has cc debt vs. someone who maybe made some bad choices, but has a plan and is being responsible about their future with regards to their finances (but still has cc debt).  I would likely judge the former for TTC, but not the latter.  And really, I would judge the former because they would seem to be, in general, irresponsible, not just with money but in life.  And while plenty of irresponsible people have kids and make it work, it would not be a situation where I would advocate purposefully trying to have a child.

neesernicole

In some cases it's irresponsible, in other cases it's not IMO providing that you can at least provide the basic food, shelter, etc. There are just too many variables and circumstances that vary from family to family to be able really make that judgment call.

Cleo makes a good point but what if you had the basics but with the unstable economy and a possibility of losing 1 or both of your jobs...I think that puts you back at irresponsible.

veloelle

I think you should be able to provide for your child's basic, everyday needs. Do I personally think mountains of CC debt is ok, not for my family. But like Cleo said, everyone is different and have different levels of what is comfortable in the debt department.

Ask me how I feel about DH's 20 yr old neice who is 4 mo PG. On wellfare. No job. Babydaddy-no job. Barely graduated high school. She cannotfuckingprovide a fuckingdiaper for that child, let alone anything else. THAT pisses me off to no end. And perpetuating the cycle of no education and poverty.

femmegem

Well, I am one of those people who's having financial issues but has started TTC. I do have a plan to get us out and we're working on it, but, honestly, I'm 36 now, will be 37 in a couple of months. I don't even know how long it will take us to pay off all our CC debt, because it's a lot. If I want another child I'm likely going to have to get on that before our debt is gone.

I'm sure some people judge me. That's okay. It's our decision and we are going into it realizing the ramifications of having another child. Not sure if that makes it better in other people's eyes or not.

CleoKitty

neesernicole:

In some cases it's irresponsible, in other cases it's not IMO providing that you can at least provide the basic food, shelter, etc. There are just too many variables and circumstances that vary from family to family to be able really make that judgment call.

Cleo makes a good point but what if you had the basics but with the unstable economy and a possibility of losing 1 or both of your jobs...I think that puts you back at irresponsible.

Not necessarily irresponsible. I mean, unless you have a large savings that you could live off of for a while, that really applies to most of us, doesn't it? In this economy pretty much any of us could lose our jobs next month (highly unlikely for dh and I personally, I think, but there are lots of other people out there right now who thought the same thing.) 

I don't think that everyone should necessarily postpone TTC simply because of a shaky economy- for various reasons that just may not be the best choice for some families. Who knows how long it will take for the economy to straighten out and in the meantime, it's just may not be practical for some people who are currently getting by/doing okay to wait it out just as a precautionary measure in case something happens to their jobs.

asianbymarriage

Ok, I think that if you are seriously out of control and it's a ridiculous problem, you should wait to have kids. Kind of like Octomom... but anyway...

Other than that, I get really annoyed when ppl are super-obsessed with being completely debt free and say that you have to have x amount squared away. As long as you have a steady source of income and are generally responsible with it, you can have a baby, for cripe's sake. Babies are always going to be expensive, and ppl w/their children's interests at heart always find a way to manage. I mean, what was I supposed to do, wait until ALL of my student loans are repaid? I could have been freakin infertile if I had waited that long. Some debt is just part of life. I would, however, consider so much CC debt that it becomes burdensome to be a reason to wait to TTC.

stacynikki

I think it's the responsible thing to do, to wait until you are financially stable to have kids.  However, I don't think it should be the end all be all of having them.  If you have a plan and can provide for them in the meantime then why not?

femmegem

stacynikki:

I think it's the responsible thing to do, to wait until you are financially stable to have kids.  However, I don't think it should be the end all be all of having them.  If you have a plan and can provide for them in the meantime then why not?

I guess that's my thought. I keep thinking, our debt is temporary. Why would we make the permanent decision to only have one child because of our current financial situation, which will change?

I would probably feel differently if I were in my 20s or even early 30s. IDK, maybe we should at least wait another year.