Keeping Secrets?

whidbeymomma

So my mom called me the other day to ask if we were going to tell her what we were having... I told her once we knew then we'd share. She was relieved because my sister who is due next month is refusing to share the sex OR potential names... She did the same with her first (even though they find out the sex) and had everyone annoyed. My sister and her DH are very selfish people and my thought is that they want cash and/or gift cards instead of accepting gifts... WDYT? Are you telling once you know or keeping it a secret?

Pennylane824

why does them keeping that to themselves make them selfish???? Perhaps they don't want unsolicited opinions on names or ideas with things and want to introduce their baby to everyone when they came as a he or she with whatever name they decided.

I can't figure out how that is selfish in any way. They were the only two involved in making the baby, their secret to keep.

brinkly

We're sharing the sex but not the name.

nat8

we are not going to find out but if we were we would be telling people. I don't think that I could keep that secret.

browneyes_24b

My family wasn't thrilled that we decided to find out.  So, telling them we are having a boy was ...interesting.  We aren't telling them the name because they want "something" to be a surprise.  Weird, I know.

taelir

Keeping that info to themselves =/= selfish.

 

whidbeymomma

My sister and her DH are naturally selfish people, not this being the reason for calling them that!

jkipp82

We told...I'm too excited about the entire thing to "keep secrets".  I can see some people wanting it to be a surprise...especially the name so you don't get (negative) feedback from others.   I would never be mad at someone for not telling...but I myself can't keep my mouth shut. 

However - why would people ONLY give cash/gift cards just because they don't know girl/boy..go gender neutral..so if that WAS their intention...their "loss"!

MrsNnr

Maybe they just don't want all the annoying comments and opinions from people about names they've chosen or how to raise a boy or a girl, etc. I don't see how people are annoyed by someone choosing to raise or experience their pregnancy/labor/child the way they want. If you weren't in the room when the baby was made you have no say what so ever.

Stella's_PUMPED

I understand.  I was totally annoyed by a girl at work that wouldn't tell the name of her baby but constantly talked about how she knew the name but wouldn't tell.

I think if people know they shouldn't tell others that they know but that they're waiting to know as well.  Especially family members.  I would be totally annoyed too!

Abc123

With my DD I kept the name to myself. I shared the gender, but that was it.  I wish that I had done it like that this time....everyone has an opinion.  And I don't really care to hear them all.  Add to the mix MIL's and I wish I wouldn't have even told anyone we were pregnant until we had a baby. :-)

 I think that if they want to keep it to themselves more power to them.  There is nothing wrong with not wanting to include people in every detail of their pregnancy, it's theirs and up to them what pieces of information they want to share or not share. 

Hotomale

My parents would have been crushed if they didn't know the sex.  They have had soo much fun buying blue things, it wouldn't be the same not knowing.  They're fine with not knowing names.

Genevieved

We don't want to find out the sex ahead of time and names when we finally pick one we are not telling anyone but I don't think we will let ppl know we have picked a name.  The reason we don't want to tell anyone the name is we don't want ppl giving us a hard time about it.  I also feel like ppl will say less if they don't like the name if the baby is already here.

deltagirl79

While they may be selfish people in other aspects I don't think that keeping this info to themselves is selfish. Yes everyone wants to know but sometimes there are things about this that are special between just the mom and dad to be, if that's how they feel then I think you should all respect that. We found out last night and made a big deal of telling people the sex but that doesn't mean it's right for everyone.

Shlei

That's not selfish at all. It's their decision to keep that infromation to themselves. Nothing is more annoying than getting unwanted infromation or advice from people that contradicts what the parents-to-be have already decided on.

We opted to find out the sex and yes we told everyone along with the chosen name. Naturally, we got all kinds of reactions but in the end all that matters is what we think.

Hotomale

And, I do think people can totally be AW's about not telling...  my sister said that she wasn't going to tell anyone the sex of her LO, but made sure to let people know that they were going to find out the sex and could be bribed if we wanted to know.  

rrotem

We are telling the sex but not the baby name.  DH is not religious in general but he is randomly starting to be about baby things.  Orthodox jews don't tell anyone the baby's name until the bris (8 days after birth) and he wanted to do that.  I said no way - we're not Orthodox!  But I agreed to wait until the baby is born to name him.  Plus, I'd still like to reserve the right to change the name until the baby is born anyway.

We tell people the sex though.  I wouldn't really care that much if ppl knew the sex and wouldn't tell anyone else, but I think it would be annoying.  I think if they want to do that then they should just lie and say they're not finding out at all   What's the point of saying we know but we're not telling you? 

JCM083009

I don't agree with doing that for ME, but I can certainly understand why a couple might want to.  There's nothing wrong with that and it's not selfish.  There are PLENTY of things people can buy that aren't gender specific. Wo wants all of their stuff to look like pink or blue threw up on it anyway? I don't and we have told everyone!

peppermintgirl

We told people once we found out, but I don't think that refusing to discuss gender and/or names makes one selfish.  Besides, even if people did buy them gifts, they would probably come with gift receipts and/or be off a registry, so it's not like they couldn't return them anyway.

MrsMMHill

We couldn't keep any secrets.  As soon as we knew anything about the baby all of our family and friends did too.

I can understand not wanting to tell people the name.  However, I wouldn't let everybody know that I will find out the gender and not tell anybody.  If they aren't going to tell anyone the gender, they should tell people they are waiting to find out.

 

kimberlyk921

we plan on telling the sex, haven't yet decided on the names...only because even now when we throw around names i'm sick of hearing "r u serious?" "don't name that poor baby that"...so annoying....so we'll def share the sex, maybe the FINAL name...we shall see...

LauraandMatt

I knew that DS was a boy but didn't tell anyone that DH and I knew for the very reason that we wanted to keep it between us and if we told them we knew it would be like teasing them.  We are planning on doing the same this time. My family is very against finding out and really like the surprise. (annoying I know.)

ju.vanderw

We're doing the exact same thing, finding out the sex & have already decided on the names, but won't be sharing it with anyone but our parents.  Our reasons aren't really selfish though...  We just don't want people butting into our business.

C-Charm

whidbeymomma:

My sister and her DH are naturally selfish people, not this being the reason for calling them that!

 How does keeping the gender to themselves encourage others to give them cash and/or gift cards?  Even if people decide to gift them those items, it's the givers' decision.

BTW, we're not finding out the gender so we won't have that secret to keep.

b.heather

I don't think it is selfish at all. I admire them for having a clear boundary and keeping it despite pressure from others. Right now it is their special secret to share just with each other - like a private connection, which I think it kind of cool! I personally have issues with doing things to please other people rather than doing what I really want, so I think it's neat that they made this call and are sticking to their guns.