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Random whiney post

waitingforbaby#2waitingforbaby#2
in Secondary IF

I'm just sad because I'm not ovulating this month, and because of that my worries snowball out of control, like if I'm going to have a really long cycle, if I'll have to take something to bring AF on, will all my cycles from here on out be like this, etc. Not to mention my chance for a pg is out this month, and I don't know what's going on with my body.

Also, the CNP who was willing to do all this fertility testing is second guessing herself now, she's feeling she's overstepping the bounds of her OB collegues and is telling me to go to them from now on (who, btw, will not do anything til a year from my miscarriage date in October, which is completely rediculous considering how hard it is for me to get pg). I bawled my eyes out to her on the phone and she agreed to do CD3 testing, but HSG I would have to have the OB order that....GL with that....

Luckily I already have the order for DH's SA, which is Tuesday. I'm very happy to get some testing and get the ball rolling, I'm anxious to find problems too, you know? Even though I know there are reasons though, so might as well find them out sooner rather than later.

I cry all the time because I feel I'll never be able to give ds a sibling, I watch him get older and older, and that's more important to me than anything. I hate feeling this way, I want a baby so bad it's been pulsating through my veins for so long. I feel like I'm going crazy. I mean, really, I can't even look at pg women without crying.

I've been ttc for 16 months and I know a lot of you have been ttc longer than I have so I don't mean to offend you! Please tell me how you keep sane through all this!

I also feel like a fat old pig.

I don't know......

Whine over. thanks for listening.... :)

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Re: Random whiney post

  • JosiPeachesJosiPeaches

    I hear ya Hon.  It's a rough road. 

    Couldn't you find another OB who will test you? If you know you have an issue and they won't even do basic testing I would definitely shop around for a new one.  What's the worst that could happen?  Someone else tells you you have to wait a little bit longer?

    Keeping sane.. not so sure about that.  I am not altogether sure I was too sane to begin with but I try to keep busy.  DS helps a lot with thatStick out tongue 

     I don't think about the big picture a lot either.  Or I try not to anyway.  I take every cycle and every day as it comes and deal with whatever I need to as it happens.  I don't think I am particularly strong about it I just wake up every morning and make a concerted effort not to let it define me.  I don't want to become that woman that cries every time a pg woman walks by or the one that curses the universe because it's easier for some ppl to get pg and not me.

    I get down.  I cry.  I get upset at the unfairness of it all. I vent here.  I'm human and this hurts a lot.  And that is okay too.

    Hang in there.  ((HUGS))

     

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  • DSU98DSU98

    I am so sorry.  It use to drive me crazy that is was taking so long then I was coping and I still am, however I tend to shed some tears privately at certain times.  Like last night I just got to thinking about stuff and broke out in tears and then i felt much better. 

    Also finding this board was amazing, to be able to visit with people.

    Alyssa born 6/14/05 at 8 lbs 2oz - Ashley born 3/27/10 at 6 lbs 13oz
    We had 2 years of IF trying to conceive #2 and one loss during that time. We are currently trying for #3! had another loss the end of June
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  • Home_sliceHome_slice
    I'm so sorry. It is just so frustrating month after month. Feel free to vent away anytime.
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  • Home_sliceHome_slice
    Hey, you're in MN? Me too!
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  • SweetiePSweetieP

    I think that we all feel the same way on this board -so if it's any consolation, we give good virtual hugs!   I'm with the PPs in that I'd try to find another OB or RE that can actually help you.  It sounds like they're lazy and going about this as half-arsed.

     

    Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.
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  • waitingforbaby#2waitingforbaby#2

    Thanks ladies :) Your responses really do make me feel better :) 

    Home_Slice: Cool! Where in MN? I'm in Anoka (Northern suburbs)! I'm getting major spring fever even though the weekend's been kinda cruddy weather, lol.

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  • Home_sliceHome_slice
    I'm in Woodbury. how funny! I hear it's going to get up to 80 deg on Thursday!
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  • franciscazfranciscaz member
    HUGS... I've had those cycles and those fears!  Hang in there sweetie, you can do this!!!
    Mom to Harmon 1/17/08 and twins Rachel & Callum 8/28/09 Photobucket 29o0v13.jpg
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  • eyenerdeyenerd

    I am sorry that you are going through this.  I can tell you this however, you will be amazed at the determination and will power you will possess to achieve your goal.

    I think that you need a new doc if they won't do anything to help you out....especially if you have some issues already.  I am sure that if you get checked out properly you will get a game plan and be a mommy again in no time!  You are your best advocate, so if they are dragging their feet, don't let them drag you with them!

    Hang in there!

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