XP: Talk to me about adoption..

marriedtomylobster

I'm a newbie to all this, I was sent here by the ladies on MM. I'm just going to C&P what I wrote there.

I was adopted by my step mother. She was my mother pretty much from the time I was born. When I was younger I used to say that I would adopt and not have any children because it was unfair to bring children into the world when so many children didn't have parents.

When DH and I met, I decided I really wanted to have children, I had baby fever for a long time and we even had a few "are we ready" conversations.

Over the past several months I've thought about it and I'm not sure I really do want to have a baby. I'm back to feeling that it's almost unfair (I'm not flaming anyone by any means! Please take no offense if you have had your own or are trying) to bring a baby into the world when so many don't have parents.

I know we'd be most likely interested in domestic adoption.

Can someone tell me everything there is to know? Any good sites to visit, blogs, costs, etc? Anyone willing to share her story?

We're definitely not ready to think seriously about this right now, but we'd like to educate ourselves as much as possible.

Thanks in advance!

jacksjerseygirl

haha "everything there is to know".. that's a broad stroke my dear.

A lot of people recommend the book  'adoption for dummies'. I personally did not use this but it may be a good starting place for you.

There are literally 100s of books to help go over the 100s of topics, issues, concerns, and areas within domestic adoption (DA).

Knowledge is power. I think it is great you are starting the research before you 'are ready'. Amazon has a lot of great books as well as tapestrybooks.

Specific questions you have might be easier to help you with. Domestic adoption is not black and white. There is a path for everyone, IMO. Fees, waiting times, processes, requirements all vary depending on your openness, what agency or firm you use - for example.

Good luck!

 

2bWednDec

I replied to your post on MM but just wanted to add...I find that adoption.com has much more realistic advise/outcomes than reading many books in the bookstore.  Adoptions for dummies is good for the general idea of the process...but things are CONSTANTLY changing and it's best to talk to lots of people to get an idea what they went through, IMO.  Most agencies hold a domestic adoption general info session.  One of your first steps should be to attend these.  I'd go to a few different places if you can. 

EmmieB

You can always have one (or more) and adopt one (or more.)

And then you get the best of both worlds.

CaptainSerious

Hi, and welcome to the board.  I'm sure by now you've realized that we can't tell you all the basics, because adoption is a broad subject, with many different types and issues associated with it.

We are more than happy to help point you in the right direction or answer specific questions, but there's just no way you can all you need to about adoption on a message board.

I think books like "Adoption for Dummies" or "The Complete Idiot's Guide To Adoption" are a great place to get started.  They provide lots of basic information on adoption, the different types, the process, and how to research an agency.  Another good book is "The Complete Adoption Book."  Any of these will help you decide which type of adoption best ?fits? your family.

If you then decide that domestic adoption is right for your family, you?ll need to find a good agency.  I highly recommend researching any agency you are considering to make sure it abides by ethical standards.  For domestic agencies, a great place to look them up is on the yahoo group called "AARD" (Adoption Agency Research ? Domestic).  That group is dedicated to giving honest feedback on agencies.  You can ask about the agencies you are interested in directly, and also search their archives and files.

If you choose international, you?ll then need to pick from which country. The US Department of State's website lists the requirements to adopt from each country (https://snipurl.com/2patx).  Once you've made your country choice, you'll need to find an agency that has a program specializing in adoptions from that country.  The yahoo group "Adoption Agency Research" is a phenomenal resource for vetting agencies, and works the same way as ?AARD.?

There are several of us on this board who are adopting without known fertility problems.  There is a path for everyone, you just have to figure out which one is right for you and your husband.  Good luck to you in finding yours, and in the process that follows!