Anyone have divorced parents? (kinda long)

30&TTC#1

Mine separated in early '94 and divorced was finalized in late '97...they still hate each other and still have taken each other to court for this/that/the other thing since '97 (my younger sister didn't turn 18 until 2005). It's still really nasty between them almost 12 years later so they can't stand being in the same room as each other still needless to say. My DH thinks (and I agree) that some of this crud will have to stop...currently we celebrate each holiday separately with each of them (when we spend holidays with them). Obviously this holiday season, people will have to come see us since I'm not going to want to travel for Turkey day or Christmas. Plus, I know that both my folks will want to spend time with LO. But, DH and I don't want to have have one (for example) Christmas dinner with his folks and my mom and then a separate Christmas dinner with his folks and my dad here at our house. Especially since we'll be tired. So, DH wants to make my folks tolerate being in the same room together or not spend time with LO. I think it's a good idea, however I know it's going to create more drama than I really want to deal with...but maybe it's necessary? WDYT? What are you planning to do with your divorced parents with dividing up holidays and/or time with the LO? TIA!

edit: I'm due 12/5

shunt1983

I have divorced parents and my youngest sister 12 still lives with both. ?They do get along when in the same room when forced. ?I suggest talking to them individually having a no drama policy say if you want to fight it can't be around new baby. ?But address it and don't allow it, your baby not theirs remember that. ?

30&TTC#1

shunt1983:

I have divorced parents and my youngest sister 12 still lives with both.  They do get along when in the same room when forced.  I suggest talking to them individually having a no drama policy say if you want to fight it can't be around new baby.  But address it and don't allow it, your baby not theirs remember that.

Thank you! DH was saying kinda the same thing (about the no drama policy). I just wanted other opinions...I definitely don't want our baby to go through seeing them fight like I did...

wheelber

My parents divorced when I was 12. They could not be in the same room together for the longest time.... when I got engaged I told them that DH & I were going to Jamaica to get married on the beach ALONE!!! THat totally crushed them, I told them that I didnt want their dislike for each other to ruing my wedding day. From that point on they got along fine

I have spent the holidays running from house to house bc of the divorce. DH & I decided that when we have children we will have the holidays at our house! If they want to see us (and the babies) then come to us..... so now it's in their hands. I will just tell them when to show up and we'll see what happens...

I will not divide up the time... it ruined my holidays for years. I will not do that to my child.

HTH

Rebekah Erler

I have a similar situation - I was super worried about my parents at my wedding but they did fine in the same room.  However - I've spent the last 18 years being the one dealing w/ the impact of their divorce, travelling to different places for different holidays, trying to be "fair" etc....  Now that I have a husband and HIS family, it's harder to split holidays 3 ways.  With a little one on the way, I've decided that my own family now has to come first.  My parents are just going to have to deal with the impact of their actions and work something out.  Either they will spend time together, or they will miss out on things b/c they don't want to, but I'm not going to manage their craziness anymore.  I hope this helps - my DH is very adamant about not having our kids think that my folks ridiculous behavior is how families are supposed to act, and I agree with him whole heartedly.  I'm sorry you're going through this too - divorce sucks.  All the more reason to make your own marriage and home for your children a safe and happy and wonderful place.  Good luck.

30&TTC#1

thank you wheelber and Bekah! It's nice to know I'm not the only one going through this. I appreciate your words of advice.