Winery

omurray

Hi there!  Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I was thinking that I remembered you posting long ago about struggling with whether or not to have a 2nd child.  From what I remember, you don't have lots of family (aka help!) around and although you wanted another, you also worried about being able to handle it all and wondered if sticking with one wonderful child was a good option.  Anyway, obviously, you went for it and got your adorable #2!  I'm just wondering if you wouldn't mind sharing what thoughts you had and how you finally came to the decision to go ahead with a DC2.  We have one DS now who just turned 2.5. 

 We always planned to adopt our second child and had planned on adopting from China once we got settled with DS1 and moved and DH got a new job.  Well, like I said, DS is 2.5 now, DH got a new job this past September and we moved to a bigger house in December.  So, theoretically its time and if we want DS to have a sibling, we need to be getting our plan together.  However, Chinese adoptions have changed significantly in the last 2.5 yrs and a process that used to take apx 10 months, now takes at least 3 yrs if not longer.  So, that plan is kinda out the window.  We could certainly adopt from a different country, but most of them have increased timeframes now (generally around 2 yrs).  We could TTC, but we have always felt called to adoption.  DH is becomming concerned that he is getting too old - he'll be 40 this year (I'll be 32), and we're concerned about the economy like everyone else.  This house also needs tons of renovations and we all know those are costly and stressful.  Anyway, I'm just struggling with it I guess.  Some days, I definitely want another child, a larger family and a sibling for DS.  Other days, I feel like I can barely handle what I have now.  I don't want to regret not having another child and I also don't want to bite off more than I can chew since we basically do it all on our own - no family around that can help. 

Sorry this got so long.  I'd love to hear any thoughts you may have

winery

It sounds like you've already made up your mind and it's just one child for you.  And there's nothing wrong with that.  From what you've put forth, your lifestyle and your desires for the future coincide with having your one child.

For us, we always knew we wanted 2, it was just getting over the pregnancy bit (not unbearable but not very pleasant for us) and the thought of dealing with another poor sleeper.

We are, of course, glad that we have our two, but there are days that I know that having just the one would make my life so much easier. 

That said, I was an only and I was very lonely because, like us now, we had no family local and I was left by myself a lot.  I remember longing for a sibling, even if we fought the whole time, just to have some family/company around.

But, like I said, this is all very personal to us and from what you've written, it definitely sounds like you're good with being done at one. 

If you ever want to email me, please feel free: winery2003@gmail.com

 

omurray

Thank you for your reply and your thoughts!  We have actually always wanted two as well, but we felt so certain about adopting #2 internationally.  We even got a bunch of the paperwork together and had an orientation with an adoption agency before having DS.  Ironically, if we had gone ahead with the adoption process at that point we would just now be getting our child, even though at the time they had estimated 10 months (we put it on hold when we found out I was PG the same day we had orientation).  Anyway, I think I am just thrown for a loop because "the plan" that we had all along is not really an option anymore and I had felt so certain about it.  I'm like that though, takes me awhile to change, I'm a planner.  I'm sure we'll come to the right decision somehow.  I think DH and I just need to have more time to talk about it.  DH's new company is struggling a bit and he's having to work way more hours than originally anticipated, so he is exhausted and stressed right now.  I'm thinking that is probably a big part of his feelings and fears right now.  Maybe when things ease up for him, we can think through it more clearly.  Actually, just "talking" with you about it on here has got me realizing that I don't need to feel so rushed about it.  I know I had this timeline in my head of new job for DH, new house and then a second child.  Maybe I need to just relax and not feel pressured timewise.

Anyway THANK YOU!  Definitely appreciate you taking the time to chat with me! 

omurray

Oh, and I appreciate your thoughts on being an only child yourself.  I really don't want that loneliness for DS.  He is so social and loves to be around other kids and loves babies.  When I see him so happy and excited about other kids it makes me definitely want at least 1 sibling for him. 

winery

I am definitely a planner too, so I know what you mean.

Changing your mindset is hard, but since you know you want 2, then I'd definitely say go for it.

The first months, barring any recovery issues, are pretty easy because newborns sleep a lot.  The only things that are difficult in the early days is the lack of sleep.  But you may get a good sleeper.

As for siblings, they play together now and even my older one loves it.  He can't wait to see the baby when he wakes up and asks for him all the time.  The younger stares at his older brother and you can see he just adores him. 

They're very good together.  I don't get a lot done during the day with them, but I choose to play with them rather than clean the house or run errands.  Then it's mostly just fun stuff!

This is the good time that we'll look back on and enjoy.  But I also know that when they get older, they'll really appreciate having each other.

Oh, and fwiw, MH has been about to lose his job for a year now. So just going for it was the best for us.  We didn't want to wait until things were better, we just wanted our 2 boys.  Which we have.  And I couldn't be happier!

omurray

Yeah, I think you're right, sometimes you just gotta jump in.  Before DS1 we planned and planned and planned for TTC, then we had some trouble and it took way longer than anticipated and still as soon as I got the positive pregnancy test, I started to worry I wasn't ready - LOL!!  You're thoughts are very helpful.  I also don't get much done during the day, cause I want to really be present for DS and we play and have playdates and classes etc.  On a rough day, I look around at all the laundry, dishes etc. and wonder what on earth I'm doing, but I know that one day, probably sooner than I want, I'll be longing for these days again and will be so glad that I spent time with my son instead of having a spotless, perfectly updated and decorated house.

Thanks again!  Love your new sig too - you have a beautiful family!  Those boys will be lifelong buds - so awesome!