In leu(sp?) of talking to my therapist

dawnc78

which is going to cost money that I don't have...I'm going to vent here...

I feel like everything around me is undecided...everything is up in the air...nothing is constant...

1. I am freaking out about the enlarged lymph node that the dr. is having me go to an ENT about (to see if they want to biopsy it) and every little yawn or pain makes me question whether or not I am sick!

2. FIL just had a defibrilator put into his chest and if the meds don't work after this, he'll need a heart transplant...he's 56...my kids ADORE him...I can't imagine what he's going through right now!!! but I see how it's affecting him and the kids and dh and I just want to cry!

3. DH's co. is up for sale and we don't know when or if it will happen...when or if he'll be out of work, or for how long...

4. the teaching job that opened up that I was going to take (I'm currently a sahm) may not be there because of budget cuts...and we won't know 'till the town votes on the budget...whenever that may be...so I don't know if I'll have a job in the fall...or if dh and I will both be out of work!!!

5. my bff is finally maintaining a pregnancy (after many many mc's) and I am so happy for her...she bought a house closer to me so I am even happier for her (and me)... While all this is happy, I am worried, every time I call that she is going to tell me she lost the baby...and to make things worse for her, her dad just got diagnosed with brain cancer...I know she is hurting and confused and overwhelmed...and I don' t know how to help her!

6. I'm babysitting for a friend's dd while my friend works (teacher) and while I love having her dd here, it's a lot harder with 3 kids (esp cuz my ds is a mad man) and I feel like I'm causing problems (I know that I am not...but I feel bad) because my friend is having BIG issues with working...she is so depressed and it's causing probs with her dh and he talks about it with me and my dh...I just feel in the middle and torn and sad for them and like I want to help...

7. I have been working out and "eating right" and still am not seeing the scale go down I feel like a fat blob even after losing 20 + lbs last year...I want to lose another 15-20 but I just can't seem to get any of it off...

8. my house is a MESS...there is laundry EVERYWHERE and I can't catch up...I just want to throw it all away! the problem is...every time I look at the mess I just want to run and hide, I don't want to clean it up...It looks like a big, never-ending mess that I can't possibly clean up...when really, it can't be that bad...we just had dd's b-day party here last weekend and it was "clean"

Halo79RN

you have a lot going on... (((hugs)))

amanda&rob

(((hugs)))