parent issues - your parents not you as a parent
My parents divorced 20 yrs ago or so (I never remember them being together) and my dad has been less than involved to say the least. I could go into everything but I think that would even tire out Dr. Phil or Oprah.
His latest "crime" is that he did not help out at all with my shower - no my mom didnt bother asking him but he showeed no interest whatsoever in paying for his family (who made up most of the guest list that my mom had to pay for). So anyway, the day of the shower he shows up to carry in my grandmother's present which I was fine with, but then he stays and eats and we end up having to pay for him.
This bothered me to no end - not so much the $0 bucks it cost for him to eat - but the fact that he still remains so univolved yes does such stupid crap like this. Well I brought it to his attention (he tried to play the "no one asked me to help" card which just made me more pissed). Anyways that was 5 wks ago - he left it that he wanted me to call my in-laws and apologize to them and ask them how much money they wanted from him (my IL's paid for half and my mo mpaid for the other half - so he essentially refused to admit that he did wrong by my mom). I did no such thing becuase he's an adult and he can take care of it - he hasn't.
Well now here were are pretty close to d-day and I just dont know what to do. I have no intention of calling him before I go into labor, but then again I dont really want him there but I know if I dont call him then it will just cause me more stress. Then I think if I call him after the babies are born while im in the hospital he'll still be pissed but I dont care if he's pissed.
I guess I just dont know what to do and to make matters worse he would always say that he was so looking forward to seeing these grandkids (he doesnt really see my nephew bc he doesnt call or ever get involved). I mean how can you not call your pg daughter for over 5 wks at the end of her pgncy and then just expect to be wham involved in the babies' lives.
I know there's no real answer to any of this - just looking to get it off my chest and maybe get some input. Thanks for listening if you've gotten this far.
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart) Our first love and loss 7/2/07
3 cycles clomid TI = BFNs
3 cycles clomid Ovidrel IUI = BFNs
6/27/08 Surprise BFP = chemical pg
IVF#1 July 08 BFP @7dp3dt
TTC #3 since February 2010
FET Sept. and Oct. 2010=BFN's
IVF#2 June 2011=BFP
Re: parent issues - your parents not you as a parent
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart) Our first love and loss 7/2/07
3 cycles clomid TI = BFNs
3 cycles clomid Ovidrel IUI = BFNs
6/27/08 Surprise BFP = chemical pg
IVF#1 July 08 BFP @7dp3dt
TTC #3 since February 2010
FET Sept. and Oct. 2010=BFN's
IVF#2 June 2011=BFP
"I have four children. Two are adopted. I forget which two. -Bob Constantine
"All for Love,' a Saviour prayed 'Abba Father have Your way. Though they know not what they do...Let the Cross draw men to You...."
I know how you feel. My parents split when I was four, and my dad, while always "around," has been less than active in my life. I have no hostility toward him (although I have plenty toward my stepmother), but we're not close. It actually hadn't even occurred to me before I read this post to wonder if I should call him from the hospital. In all these years I haven't really figured out what is expected of me in this relationship, if you know what I mean.
You should do what's best for you. It sounds like he's causing you lots of stress and you certainly don't need that right now. Maybe wait for him to reach out to you.
Not to make you mad by not agreeing with you - but men are stupid. No, really. If you didn't say "hey Dad, we're having a shower, can you contribute since DH's parents are contributing?" he wouldn't think of it himself. I'd call him now, say "XX is my due date - what do you want me to do?" Tell him it's going to be chaos for you when the blessed event happens, and that you prefer to call him and let him know when it's over. If that's what he's expecting from the beginning, it'll be ok.
Seriously - they're dumb. They don't know what's proper.
As a sidenote - you have every right to be annoyed though.
I agree with this. ?I would be very annoyed with everything. ?Let him do the work now if he wants to be involved. ?So sorry - wouldn't it be great if parent would actually be adults!!!!?