Nosy Neighbors
jacksjerseygirl
member
I should provide a short backstory in that I don't really get along or care for a couple of my neighbors. They are SAHM with children in school - they have too much free time during the day and spend that time being nosy in everyone else's business - creating neighborhood drama. I do not have a close relationship with any of my neighbors (though I am friendly with some of them - but have not felt the need to share that we are expecting through adoption).
Today I was out clearing my gardens and planting flowers. Two neighbors came by and started their conversations with "I heard a rumor in the neighborhood that you are pregnant and expecting soon".
I was less nice to the first neighbor because it caught me off guard. I basically told her that if we were pregnant that it would be our business and not hers. The second neighbor I was a bit more nice to.
I realize that being 'fluffy' it may not be that easy to rule in or out from physical appearance if I am or am not pregnant. So I'm not offended by that aspect of it. I think I'm offended by the fact that two women that I barely talk to and have never shared intimate knowledge with decided to waddle over to my yard to ask me if a 'neighborhood rumor' was true about something that is and should be personal to that couple.
I assume this rumor started by my next door neighbor who, after some issues last summer, knows not to talk to me at all started it based on the fact that we had a child proof fence put in around the pool, and baby furniture was delivered a few months ago. Nothing misses her eye.
What would you have said or done?
Re: Nosy Neighbors
Knowing me, I would have simply said, "No, I am not pregnant."
Honestly, I don't see a big issue with this. You seem to want to point out that they're SAHMs for some reason, which bothers me a bit, but whatever. So they like to create drama. It sounds like they have boring, predictable lives and feel like they need something to jazz it up, for better or for worse. Being moms, they are probably interested in the possibility of someone having a baby, especially in their neighborhood. Maybe it's so their kids have another playmate, or maybe it's because they want to butt in with their views on child rearing. Who knows?
In any case, if they noticed or heard that something baby related was heading to your house, they probaby figured it was as good a time as any to say hi and see what was going on. In their minds it's not personal between the couple, since a pregnant woman is eventually going to start showing, and a baby is eventually going to arrive at the house one way or another.
Just my 2c.
I appreciate your two cents, but I honestly don't know why this statement would bother you. As I stated they are SAHM with children in school. They are teenage children. These women create a lot of drama, so yes I do point that they are SAHM (to teenage children) and thus, I imply they have boring lives and to fulfill themselves they nose into other people's business, try to dictate what other people should/can do in their lives/yards/homes.
I plan to be a SAHM WITH children that are also AT HOME. So be bothered by the statement or don't but it was not an attack on ALL SAHMs but rather these particular SAHMs.
I promise you that their questions have nothing to do with just saying hi and being excited about a baby. But "whatever"
Thanks for your advice.
Hard to say how I might have responded. I really only know two of my neighbors and they're pretty cool. In fact, one family had to complete a neighbor reference for our agency and they don't even know us that well - so I thought it was pretty sporting of them. So if anyone in the 'hood asked me if I was pregnant, I'd probably be pretty honest and say no, I can't have bio kids.
Now, if I thought my neighbors were douches and just being nosy. . . I'd probably respond the same. I'm pretty open about my fertility - if you have the nerve to ask me something as personal as "Are you preggers?" then you've invited yourself into my world and I'm gonna tell you about how I can't have bio kids. I'm not ashamed of it and usually find that a short version of our story is enough to not only shut people up about the topic, but also to prevent further inquiry. Epecially if they didn't truly like me anyway.
I guess I'm just sensitive because I was raised by a SAHM who was nothing like these women. I keep hearing a lot of people bashing SAHMs as women who just sit around on their butts watching Oprah all day, and causing neighborhood drama as you mentioned. And I don't want to be one of those people.
That's all.
Obviously I don't know the full backstory about these women, so if it bothered you that they asked if you're pregnant, that's your perogative. I don't know your neighborhood dynamics.
My response probably would have depended on how well I know them, and how much I want them to know about my life. ?Based on your description, I probably would have innocently asked "Oh really....That's an interesting rumor. ?Where did you hear that?" ?If they pressed and asked whether it was true, I would say "Not that I know of" or "No, why do you ask?"
I guess you could try to give them the benefit of the doubt. ?Maybe they were trying to break the ice with you and start a conversation. ?It might not be the most appropriate way to do it, but maybe they were trying to find a common link. ?It doesn't sound like it, but you never know.
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