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Success after IF
charmcitygirl
member
In need of a mommy pep talk (kinda long)
charmcitygirl
member
This has been a bad night for little Jacob and me. We've both been crying!
He's been spitting up a lot today - which I posted about below - even one time projectile spitting up from his bouncy seat to the floor. I called the doc and he said to keep an eye on him over night. Feed only 20 minutes and maybe only from one breast. If he keeps spitting up, come into the office tomorrow because they don't want him to become dehydrated.
Then he seemed hungry, so I tried to nurse him and he would do it for a bit and then pull off and cry. Then he would cry with my breast in his mouth. Then I cried. He seemed hungry, but didn't want to nurse.
So, then we gave him a sponge bath which upsets him a lot. I hate to hear him cry like that and make himself all red. When I changed his diaper, it was mostly yellow, but definitely had some green in there too. What the hell does that mean?
Then we got him swaddled and rocked him for like 20 minutes before he finally fell asleep. Now I don't know whether to let him sleep (since he was awake for like 5 hours crying most of that time) or to wake him to feed. I keep looking over at him because I'm afraid he's going to spit up again.
I just wish I felt more confident in being a mom. I really feel like every little thing that goes wrong with him I'm going to freak out. I just love him so much...I want him to be perfect. And I want to feel confident in myself being his mom. I feel like I'm failing and he's only 11 days old.
I know its going to get easier...but that doesn't stop the way I feel right now. 
Allison
This discussion has been closed.
Re: In need of a mommy pep talk (kinda long)
Aw sweetie - you're doing fine! It's SO hard when you can't interpret what the heck is going on - and how can you when they're so little? OK - the green poo is fine. Not a big deal. His little system is still getting settled - the green poo is no biggie. Some say it's indicative of getting more "foremilk" (the thinner stuff) than hindmilk. Maybe, maybe not. Regardless - it's normal.
I would wake and feed him if it's been over 3 hours - unless - is he over his birth weight yet? If he is and he's been gaining well - I'd let him sleep 4 - but probably not more than that he's still so little. After you feed - keep him upright for a half hour if you can. And burp frequently - maybe feed for 10 minutes - burp - then feed again - and burp. Then upright. See if that helps. You're doing fine - better than fine - you're doing great!
"When it comes to sleeping, whatever your baby does is normal. If one thing has damaged parents enjoyment of their babies, it's rigid expectations about how and when the baby should sleep." ~ James McKenna, Ph.D., Mother Baby Behavioral Sleep Center, University of Notre Dame
Oh, honey -- you are doing a great job!
Those first few weeks were so hard for me. I felt like I had no idea what I was doing. Ava was vomiting constantly (because she had a ton of mucous from being born a bit on the early side), and I called the nurse line several times. I remember I was afraid to leave her alone even for a few minutes, because she kept spitting up a ton in her sleep and I was afraid she would choke on it. I PROMISE it gets easier. Your instincts will start to kick in soon, and somehow you'll just know when something is a big deal and when it is nothing to worry about.
Ok, first, about the vomiting. I thought that Ava's vomiting was projectile because it went out from her body about a foot. According to our pedi and everything I have read, true projectile vomiting shoots literally across the room -- like it will hit a wall several feet away. It sounds like Jacob just spit up at ton. Definitely keep an eye on it, but if he is still eating normally and it doesn't seem like it is his entire feeding, then it is most likely ok. Ava still spits up after every single bottle (sometimes hours after), and sometimes it looks like it is a ton.
As for the crying thing, that combined with the spit-up could be reflux. Ava would arch her back and pull off the bottle and cry when she tried to eat, even if we knew she must be starving. Pay attention to anything else that Jacob does when that happens -- does he arch? Clench his fists? Does his belly seem hard? Mention all of these things to the pediatrician. Ava's reflux is well controlled with two doses of zantac in her bottle twice a day.
I know how awful it is to sponge bathe them when they are that little. Ava absolutely HATED it and would scream bloody murder the whole time.
I would wrap her in a big, warm towel and only expose one part of the body at one time to keep her from getting cold.
The poop can be yellow or green. Ava's is always green now!
Ok, that was really long. But you are doing a GREAT job!!!
Here I am to save the day!!!!!!!!!! JK (did I get a smile?)
Do you think that maybe you could pump a little or go in the shower and express some. Do you think your letdown is too fast for him? He might not want to suck if it's too much.
And yes the poo will be all sorts of interesting colors until they are potty trained!!! Blood is the only color you have to really worry about!
Good luck and I would wake him after 4 hours. (I never had to wake so I'm jealous!!!)
Married 8.13.2005, M/C 12/8/06- 5 weeks, M/C 2/27/07- 7 weeks, M/C w/ D&C 8/10/09-6.5 weeks *Charles Lawrence born 5/2/08 @ 3:14am, 7lb 8oz, 20.5 inches. Clomid, Crinone and baby aspirin. *Alexandra Claire born 9/14/10 @ 9:52am 6lb 14oz, 20.5 inches. Femara, Crinone and baby aspirin.
YOU ARE NOT FAILING!!! You're doing a great job! This is super hard. And that's when everything is going well. You're having a rough patch, so it's even worse. Don't beat yourself up. Seriously, you don't have the energy to spare right now anyway.
I would wake him if it's been 3 hours since the start of his last feeding. Otherwise, let him sleep until that time.
As for the crying at the breast - you haven't had any latch problems before this, right? My babies did that, but right from the very beginning until we got a nipple shield. Anyway, I'm assuming it's not that. Sounds like maybe gas or possible reflux-type discomfort. I would try:
- burping him more/longer
- all the gas relief tricks like bicycling his legs, etc.
- Mylicon drops
- keeping him in a more upright position while nursing. If he's lying completely horizontal, this could be allowing stomach acids to come up and cause him pain. Maybe sitting up a bit more would help with that.
- holding him in a more upright position for 30 minutes after feeding (or putting him in a bouncy or boppy for that time)
Hang in there. Hopefully he's just having an upset tummy that will go away soon. You're doing everything right and everything you can. It's so hard not to know how to fix what's upsetting them. If you're not doing this already, I would write down the time/duration of his feedings and the time and content of his diapers for your own piece of mind and in case the pedi needs it. As long as he's having plenty of wet diapers, you can feel better that he won't be getting dehydrated.
Good luck. You can do this. You're doing a great job and you will get through it. If you need to cry it out, just do it. Sometimes you have to. But we are here for you. I'll be thinking of you tonight. I hope it gets better.
as much as you are learning to be his Mom, he is learning to be an outside baby. it is a process and you will both come out of it bonded as a Mommy and a son!
Let him sleep for now, he clearly needs it and when he wakes up, when you nurse, he might be feeling perfect!
Some small suggestions.... have you read the happiest baby on the block, or the fourth trimester concept? The idea is that it is hard to adjust to life on the outside and that baby is so used to being snug and warm inside you that he is just so confused. It helps to think that he wants that safe feeling again. So you did the right thing to swaddle him and rock him! Keep him swaddled as much as possible, shhhing works, side ways rocking works, holding him on his side works. White noise sometimes works.
as far as the vomiting, I am glad you called and let us know what the pedi says, ok?
You are doing great!
"When it comes to sleeping, whatever your baby does is normal. If one thing has damaged parents enjoyment of their babies, it's rigid expectations about how and when the baby should sleep." ~ James McKenna, Ph.D., Mother Baby Behavioral Sleep Center, University of Notre Dame
Yeah how sad is my life that I remembered that she had over supply? I really need to stop remembering what everyone's boobs do on here!
Married 8.13.2005, M/C 12/8/06- 5 weeks, M/C 2/27/07- 7 weeks, M/C w/ D&C 8/10/09-6.5 weeks *Charles Lawrence born 5/2/08 @ 3:14am, 7lb 8oz, 20.5 inches. Clomid, Crinone and baby aspirin. *Alexandra Claire born 9/14/10 @ 9:52am 6lb 14oz, 20.5 inches. Femara, Crinone and baby aspirin.
So I could have wrote this post (minus the projectile spitting up). Yesterday was the day she would only feed off one boob for like 10-15 min. and would reject the other one and scream. I thought I had a clogged duct or an infection because my boob hurt so bad (it's better today).
Today she fed better up until this last feeding at 10:30 where she screamed through most of it. I'm sure it was because she was gassy. I keep going over everything I ate trying to figure out what it is that made her feel so awful. DH and I both just sat there not knowing how to calm her down. Nothing was working and finally she must have worked it out because she settled down and fell asleep. I changed her and her poop was green which made me think she was having an allergic reaction to something I ate.
I keep telling myself that it WILL get better but when she's having a melt down and nothing I'm doing helps her it's hard! Oh, and I'm going to try and go 3.5 hours instead of 3 hours for her next feeding (unless she wakes up earlier).
Clomid M/C 8 weeks 2/08 *IVF #1-DD born 3/09
*Surprise BFP-T18 baby lost at 13w 1/10 *FET #1-DS born 2/11
I'm seriously late on this but I just wanted to say I agree with the pp's -- you have received such great advice. One of the first things I thought of when I read your post was reflux. Please make sure to ask your pedi -- your sweetie may need to be on Zantac. Audrey is on it and the med has made a world of difference. I can tell when she needs a larger dose because she's a completely different (crabby!!) baby. I'm telling you, for reflux it's been our miracle.
Hang in there hun -- the first few months are absolute survival mode. Come on here and ask as many questions/vent as much as you need to. You are probably completely worn out and in need of sleep and you are learning how to care for your little boy. What you are going through is completely normal, I promise.
Big hugs Allison -- hang in there!!!
Aw...you're doing great! I want you to know that we've all been where you're at right now. I know that I had never even held a newborn, fed a baby, or changed a diaper when we got the call about Ben. I was so overwhelmed. Thankfully, I had a MIL and mom and husband who helped me and after about 2-3 weeks it was like I'd always known what to do.
There were still times when Ben would cry and I couldn't get him to calm down and nothing seemed to work. Sometimes I would just have to hand him to someone else for a while.
Make sure you are taking some time for yourself...even if it's just 10 minutes. You've got to do that for your own sanity and don't think you're a bad mom. Just hang in there and it definitely gets better. Sometimes nowI think back and wish Ben was that size again. He's so big now (22 months) and even though we still cuddle and he says "mommy" and tells me he loves me...I still sometimes miss those days where I could cradle him in my arms and just hold on tight.
Don't ever forget that you're a great mommy to Jacob and even though you feel like you're not doing great, he knows that you are.