using donor eggs/sperm

courtneyaok

I've been lurking a bit, but hesitant to come out of the woodwork . . . I'm 35 1/2 w. pg, after 3 IUI's and Folistim -- we're so excited to be expecting boy/girl twins! 

I was just wondering -- did anyone have to use donor eggs/sperm?  Do you plan to tell your LO ever?  Or do you feel like it's irrelevant, and have no plans to tell them?

s.s.girl

Congrats on your pregnancy. I'm also expecting b/g twins and we used donor sperm. Both my husband and I agree that we'll tell our babies about being?conceived?with a donor. We plan on telling/explaining from a young age, obviously in an age appropriate manner, so it's something they grow up always knowing.?

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I have a lot of anxiety about their potential bad reaction but I can't predict how they will feel, and my husband and I will just have to face all of that when and if the time comes. Good luck to you. ?

Karma1969

We were planning to use donor sperm, but didn't end up having to go that route.

 

We definitely would have told our baby from an early age so it was never an issue.  If they grow up knowing, it will never be a big deal to them.  That is also my professional reccomendation (I'm a therapist).  If the child ever finds out the truth, they will be angry and resentful.  All of this can be avoived by just being honest from day 1.

SeaSoul

Hi there,
I have a 3-month-old son who was conceived with donor sperm.  He is the light of our lives!!  Yes, we do plan on telling him how he was conceived.  In fact, we chose an identity-release donor in case our son is interested in contacting him as an adult.  We feel the best way to deal with such a unique situation is to be honest.  You can never go wrong being honest about something so huge (as hard as it may be), but you can go wrong in keeping it from him.  As pp said, what if he were to find out by some other means?  It happens!  I'm on another message board through donorsiblingregistry.com and have heard stories of children finding out accidentally, or being told much later in life and feeling great resentment, not to mention a loss of identity.  On the flip side there have been donor children who have posted on that board about how happy they are that their parents told them the truth, and how they actually felt special because they knew how much their parents wanted them, having gone to such great lengths to have them.  Again, donorsiblingregistry.com is a good resource for this - they have literature that is designed to help you tell your child.

Good luck...I know it's hard!  And congratulations on your babies - they're almost here!! 

CMW

We too nearly used donor sperm, but ended up successfully doing IVF w/ ICSI instead.  We would have told our DC as well.  I found several books for children relating to this topic to help explain to them.

KayJayDee

We are pg with #1 using donor sperm and we will definitely tell our child where he or she came from. ?I think (like the pp said) that if you start the conversation early and make it a part of their "story" then it takes away the secrecy aspect that people get caught up in. ?Our family and close friends also know that we used a donor and we would never ask them to keep some big secret from our child. ?As a parent, I think it's our responsibility to be honest and upfront. ?

I never want my child to feel ashamed about their history and I think keeping it a secret is the fastest way to make that happen. ?Family secrets always come out and it's never pretty. ?Our child has every right to know how much we wanted him/her, how long we waited for him/her, and how absolutely lucky and blessed we felt when he/she entered our lives. ?Without our donor, that never would have happened. ?

dejavu

congratulations!!

we also used donor sperm and chose an identity release donor so if our child/ren want to contact the donor they can. ?we plan on telling them when they are old enough to understand (age appropriate) about their conception and how we wanted a family so bad we went this route. ?i found these books online and thought they did a good job of explaining, i plan to buy the one related to donor sperm.

https://www.xyandme.com/index.html

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JennyLbride

Ditto everyone else.  We used donor sperm.  I deff plan on telling my girls from an early age. 

Alot of my family was a huge support during my husband's diagnosis and know we used a donor....so I can't be sure it wouldn't "get out" eventually.  Can you imagine how confused my girls would be if someone slipped.  I'd rather them hear it from me early on so they know it's notthing to be ashamed of.

I also picked a donor that my children can contact when they turn 18.  Good luck!!!