Random thoughts - SAHM ?

adelepenguin

I am lucky enough to be able to stay at home with my DS and will continue to be able to do so with this new little peanut.  I have always known that I wanted to stay home if at all possible.  But the truth is, my husband's career path/salary is what really makes this possible.

I didn't date a lot and met my DH fairly late (got married at 30) - but fairly early in our realtionship I told him that I wanted kids and that if possible I would like to SAH.  He was happy with that plan as well.  But my sister, for instance, never wanted to SAH and is very happily married to a very nice man (who actually is a SAHD) who worked as a waiter.  Like I said, she never wanted to stay home, but his salary would not have made that possible, even if it is what she wanted.

So here is my question, if you always wanted to SAH - do you think you consciously or unconsciouly picked your DH because they would be a "good provider" and make it possible for you to SAH?  

Jennifer Bliss-Wohlers

I always wanted to SAH (and did for only 6 months - now I work part time evenings) and DH was on board with that but skeptical that we could afford it.

I just picked my DH because he's just that, a darling husband. Truth is, I make 2x's his salary when I work FT. PT I am still making slightly more than him.

I looked for someone to spend the rest of my life with and who would be a good father. I did not choose based on his ability to provide for me, let alone allow me to be a SAHM. Too bad we can't have both, huh?

CHI-06

No.  I love my husband and wouldn't change a thing but we cannot afford for me to stay at home.  I always imagined that I would stay at home once I had kids...but it just didn't work out that way.  He does appologize to me for it every now and then...which I tell him is silly.  But I know he wishes he could provide more so that I could stay home.

pamela-matt

With my first I was a single mom by the time he turned three. ?He missed out on a lot b/c I was in school finishing my degree or working. ?Now all these things enabled me to provide for him, but he did miss out. ?I decided at that point that if I was ever blessed with more children I wanted to stay home. ?Given that I met my DH online and did not know much about him financially, I did not pick him b/c he could provide for us. ?At this point we are just squeaking by, but we are doing it. ?In the future I won't have to worry about that, but that never crossed my mind at any point. ?We were both determined to make it work no matter what the money situation.

Tonya_G

I may have done the opposite- I never wanted to be a SAHM. I'm not disciplined enough to create my own "schedule" and nothing would get accomplished and I would be bored. I need deadlines that are set for me, and thrive upon the challenge my job gives me. I'm lucky enough to be an educator, so I get to spend summers in SAHM-land, but I will tell you, come August, I'm itching to get back into my classroom. DH's job (firefighter) allows him to be a SAHD for the most part, and our parents are able to split the days that we both work and care for DS, so we've thankfully not had to worry about childcare. DH is a great SAHD though- it's a system that works well for us!

franciscaz

I thought I wanted to SAH and I married a very old fashion conservative guy who wanted me to SAH.  Than I became a SAH mom and I realized IT WAS NOT FOR ME (for the record I am jealous of those who are so great at it).  Now I am FT WAHM w/a PT Nanny (who I think will need to be FT come Novemember . 

I married DH knowing we had similar values: we come from the same religion, we believed in many fundamental principals, etc.  But it is funny b/c now that I've changed a little bit it has been hard on m DH whose feelings haven't changed.  So there is a slightly different perspective on your question.

adelepenguin

Thanks for your thoughts ladies.  I love my DH and couldn't imagine my life without him - I hope that it didn't come off as I just saw him as a big paycheck. 

I have just been thinking about SAHM's a lot and how some people would go crazy being a full time one and others don't have the opportunity due to finances to be one.  Just interested in the dynamics of different families I guess.

axr8111

This would be a good question to post on the SAHM board. I worry that here the answers might be taken wrong and this could start some flames...I hope not.?

I did not ever feel like I absolutely wanted to stay home, but I do think that I always wanted the option. I know that I was attracted to men with solid career paths who were not living paycheck to paycheck and had goals about their future. This was just attractive to me. I wasn't looking for someone who had to be rich by any means, they could have been in an industry that was not high paying, but I don't think I would have been attracted to someone who didn't have their act together in the business world. Think this was because I was a successful business woman.?

So yes, I feel blessed that my husbands job allows me to stay at home too and I'm glad that I could make the decision based on what I wanted to do and not what I needed to do. ?

susan1017

I absolutely wanted to SAH when I had children.  I was 35 when I had DD and 3 years later and no new DC in sight, I am itching to return to work.  I have been interviewing and I am really excited about the prospect of having my professional life back.

It was a very hard transition for me to SAH.  Coupled with PPD, it was a rough road the first year, cruised and loved the 2nd year and now entering the 3rd, I am ready for something more. DD is extreemly bright and social so I feel the benefit of FT daycare will outweigh my worries about it at this point.

If I am blessed to have another child, I will have to see how I feel. I am not going to make any hard decisions until I have to.  Ideally, I would like to work out a flex schedule and stay in my career after #2 but who knows. I can only make the best choices for my family when the time comes.

BTW, as for your original question, I think it is like anything else. You make choices, sacrifices,  and do what ever you need to do to make your life work.  DH is much more into the status thing than I am and I think he would be truly shocked to know what I would give up to stay home with my DD.  We have the nice house with the nice address, the cars, some cash in the bank but I worked like a dog to save my money to supplement my time off from my professional life. We planned ahead and live under our means which also makes it possible.   So no, he is soley providing for my SAH status. We worked together and still do to make to right choices for our situation.

:-)