FET = My total ambivalence

katerena

I just don't care that we are trying again.  My heart isn't in it.

IVF didn't work, why would a FET?  I hate that I'm back on hormones, I hate that I think about getting pregnant again, I hate that people keep saying to me "yay, this is so exciting, I'm just SURE that it will happen this time!!", I hate that G is excited and hopeful and I just..... am not.  I don't want to do this anymore.

I can't tell if I have really truly moved over to the idea of adoption and now this feels foreign to me or if I'm just being protective of my bruised and battered heart. 

Either way, I'm blue. 

ked1068

I'm so incredibly sorry.  I completely understand and sympathize with you. 

~*~*HUGS~*~*

caityr

I can imagine you are blue-but think of it this way: You have the opportunity, why not know for sure? I would always wonder what if one of those frozen embies was my child....plus if you venture onto SAIF you will see the fet successes, and it might give you some hope?? Good luck, we are here for you.

katerena

caityr:

I can imagine you are blue-but think of it this way: You have the opportunity, why not know for sure? I would always wonder what if one of those frozen embies was my child....plus if you venture onto SAIF you will see the fet successes, and it might give you some hope?? Good luck, we are here for you.

sigh... I know, this is totally the problem.  I feel so beholden to those frozen cells that I am almost offended by it.  I want to move on but I can't because I owe it to myself and G to use them up.

And I hate that I'm whining about it.  I am incredibly blessed to have 4 frozen embryos, I know there are people who don't get embryos to freeze and it's like "oh my diamond shoes are too tight" to them, I know that.  I sound like a baby.

I'm hoping this is just the BCP blues and that things will perk up with a little estrace in a few weeks. 

caityr

Thats the spirit-blame it on the evil bcps!!!! I told dh if I ever have to take them again I am not responsible for what happens!

 

igh0318

I'm sorry you are feeling this way.  I can totally relate.  My DH is so hopeful, while I have no reason to believe a 2nd FET will be any different than the 1st one. I feel like I'm just going with the flow without really believing in this anymore.  I wish I had some great words of wisdom to share.  I guess all I can say is that you are not alone.  Hang in there and we are here whenever you need to vent.

smilee

I am sorry, Hon. ?

How about we stay positive for you? ?

lnle

I'm sorry. I'm with Smilee - we'll stay positive and hopeful for you.

And I totally agree with the BCPs theory - I always feel so much better once I add in some estrogen!!!

kgs0505

I felt the exact same way before IVF 2. I had decided after IVF 1 failed that I couldn't really do this anymore. I was ready to adopt. But DH and I decided together to try a seond IVF in order to achieve some kind of closure. i resented the whole process at first. Hated the shots everyday. I am terrified this won't work, but I know we have a plan if it doesn't. I'm in the 2ww now and I hate that I have hope again... But this seems different this time. I did this cycle because I felt I owed to myself to try one last time so I could know I had exhausted all my options before moving forward in another vein. Hopefully this will work out for you. I just wanted you to know you weren't alone.