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Multiples
? for IVFers
I will be having my ER this weekend and therefore my ET will be next week, H and I are still discussing how many to put back 1 or 2 (of course we are definitly going to take into consideration what the dr. says). We are both very concerned about the financial aspect (daycare mostly) if we end up with 2. So my questions are:
Did you have the same concerns when you where discussing how many to put back?
If you could do it all over again would you still have put back more than 1?
Is daycare for 2 totally financial draining? Do you find a way to deal with it or a continuous struggle?
Sorry for the stupid questions but we just don't know what to do. Thanks in advance for any advice you may be able/willing to give.
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Re: ? for IVFers
We put in 2 good quality embryos. We talked about putting in one, but we knew it would lower our "odds" of success. This was really our only shot at IVF (due to finances), so we went for it. We were actually hoping/praying both would survive...we WERE NOT trying to have twins, but emotionally we would just be heartbroken if one didn't survive. That's also why we implanted both....to give them both the best shot at survival. We knew if one was frozen that it probably wouldn't survive re-thaw. We only had the two embryos at Day 5, so we wanted to give them both the best chance. I hope that makes sense and doesn't sound like we did IVF to have twins.
We would DEFINITELY do it all over again the same exact way! Our girls are so precious to us and we can't imagine life any other way!
We are living paycheck to paycheck right now due to daycare, but for us it is only short term...my DH will be finishing school/apprenticeship in less than 2 years so his income will increase at that point. Financially we are ok, we just can't go out to eat or spend money like we used to.
You are asking excellent questions before your ET....questions everyone should ask themselves. There is alot to think about and decide on. Some people only implant 1 for these very reasons.
I wish you success!!
We had a lot of the same concerns you are having... we wound up almost making a pro and con list about putting 2 back. In the end, we decided that we could afford it, financially and logistically, if we did have 2. (We asked ourselves questions like: do we have local family support to help out? Can we afford daycare, food, etc? Is our house big enough for the time being? What would the cost be of going back to IVF in a few years to have #2? Do our ages-- I was 33-- impact that decision (ie, do we have time to safely keep TTC #2)? Will insurance cover a FET later if we want #2? Can I take enough time off work to safely carry a twin pregnancy to term if there are complications? Can DH be off enough to help out when they are born? Is our marriage in good enough shape to withstand if one or both is premature and has special needs?) Things like that. Ultimately we put 2 back. I can honestly say that we didn't actually expect both to take. There was no reason NOT to (our fertility issue was just with conception, not with embryo quality) but we still never REALLY believed we would have twins. When the RE told us at the 1st U/S that he saw two sacs but one would probably disappear, we thought we'd have one kid. When we went back and he said they were exactly the same size, we were still kind of in disbelief. It's one thing to 'think' you could have twins, and another to actually have them. I never pictured myself as a twin mom-- I still can hardly believe I belong to this unique 'club' of mothers.
But quite honestly, I spent my entire pregnancy terrified and upset, afraid that we'd made the wrong choice. I was so scared of preemies... so scared of complications... so scared of NICUs.... it was very difficult. Thankfully, I carried to term and brought our babies home from the hospital with us (although they were small, they are completely healthy). And those first months were HARD. Maybe harder because we did IVF-- wanting something so badly and then not loving every moment is a particularly wrenching kind of guilt/pain.
I can say now, without hesitation, that I cannot imagine my life without both of my beautiful children. I am thrilled to pieces that this is the outcome to our fertility struggle, and I thank the universe every day for having healthy, amazing babies.
I know this isn't an "answer" per se. But that's the hard part-- there is no answer. You need to do what works for you and DH, balancing all the above concerns (and more). I wish you luck this weekend and hope you are happily pregnant (with one or more) very, very soon!
well.. you're going to have to wait and see what the quality of your embryo's are first. That usually is a big factor on how many you put back.
In my experience..we have no egg or sperm quality issues what so ever. Our only fertility issue is that I have no fallopian tubes from two previous ectopic pregnancies. So getting pregnant was not an issue for me.
For my first IVF.. we transferred two perfect 5 day blasts and ended up with nothing but a chemical pregnancy. Go figure. For the next IVF.. we decided to let my RE make the call. We transferred three 5 day blasts this time for a few reasons. First, I had already had one failed cycle with perfect embryo's. My RE said he sees better than what I had in less than 5% of his 500 IVF's per year. Second, I had just turned 35. Third.. IVF is the absolute only way I can get pregnant because of the no tubes.
We did the three. Two stuck and one split into identical twins. Again.. go figure. Triplets.
We did have the same concerns. But after my first IVF ended in a m/c and I had been through two ectopics, three surgeries and lost my entire ability to conceive with out IVF, I just wanted a baby and was doubting I'd ever have one. The expense is enormous. Speaking on the fact that I have triplets, it was almost impossible for me to find daycare under $2000 a month. Formula alone runs us $70 a week because one of mine has a milk allergy and is on special formula.
I don't want to scare you, but do think long and hard if you can handle multiples. It means not only daycare and diapers, but two cribs, double strollers, two car seats... etc. Only put back what you want to raise. We're lucky enough that we can afford it as long as we are both working but we definitely aren't jetting off to Mexico anytime soon if you know what I mean! Good luck with your IVF!!
Thank you so much for all of your responses, we will definitely keep everything that you said in mind as we make our decision.
We transferred two and I actually didn't care if it we ended up with one or two. One baby would have been nice and the "normal" way things happen. But twins also seemed nice in that we wanted two kids and we wouldn't have to go through the whole IVF process all over again in a couple of years.
If I had to do it all over again, I would do the same thing. Twins were very hard for us in the beginning. But now I love being a MoM. It was also nice to get two at a time b/c DH and I are both on the older side.
As for daycare, I don't have really any advice on that. I stayed home for the first 18 months and now I work part time. Thankfully, we're pretty financially stable.
Best of luck with your decision. I hope you end up with as many babies as you want.
You're smart to do all this thinking ahead of time. So often, IVF is one shot deal and its tempting to go for the gusto but in all reality, if multiples aren't something you want to deal w/, it's not something you should do.
Did you have the same concerns when you where discussing how many to put back? We definitely had those concerns and our RE is very conservative. He encouraged us to talk about it and really encouraged transferring one embryo.
If you could do it all over again would you still have put back more than 1? Yup, but only our first time
. We still don't understand how difficult those first couple months were b/c we have nothing to compare it too. If/when I go back, we'll transfer one.
Is daycare for 2 totally financial draining? Do you find a way to deal with it or a continuous struggle? We decided that I should just stay home. By the time all was said and done, we wouldn't have been making THAT much $$ on my salary. Daycare for 2 infants is EXPENSIVE and we have no family around. That said, if you want to work and it's wiser for you to stay working financially, it's doable. I have lots of MoM friends who do it...
Good luck, it's a tough decision.
I am probably no help, since I actually really wanted twins b/c I wanted 2 children & we could not afford to do IVF again (also I really would not want to go through that again). ?Admittedly, I was *very* naive/ignorant & knew nothing of the risks of a twin pg, the likelihood of prematurity, & the difficulties in caring for 2 babies at once. ?I also thought that I'd return to work, but yet didn't really "think it through" & changed my mind after the babies were born! ?Still, I am VERY happy to have twins, & if I could go back, I would definitely do it all over again! ?
I don't know your income, so I don't know if daycare costs would be overwhelming or not, but I will tell you that I became involved in a twin moms group shortly after the kids were born & of the 5 of us, 4 returned to work (3 full-time & one part-time). ?Check into daycare costs in your area & also the possibility of a nanny (2 of the 3 full-time working moms had nannies & the other had her twins in daycare). ?For me, I had switched careers just before becoming pg, so my entry-level salary wouldn't have even covered the costs of childcare for 2! ?I chose to SAH.
For my IVF, I had 11 eggs harvested, 7 fertilized (by ICSI), & then 1 stopped dividing prior to day 3. ?So on transfer day, we had 6 embryos. ?3 were 8-cell or 6-cell, good quality & the other 3 were 4-cell or 6-cell, lesser quality. ?The Dr. recommended that we transfer all 3 good quality embryos to increase our chances of success & also b/c the odds that they would make it to freezing were not great. ?I was told that I would have a less than 1% chance of triplets, but that transferring 3 WOULD increase my chance of twins. ?I had a 50-60% chance of getting pg at all, & if I did, my chance of twins/singleton was 50/50. ?Also, know that if you do assisted hatching (we did), it can increase your chances of identical twinning. ?Good luck w/your cycle, whatever you decide!