**Christakim**

AvaLikeLava

You asked yesterday if we've gone to bed mad at each other over the number of children we each want. The short answer is "No", but the long answer is "Not yet!" I just know some day we will get to that big argument, but we're not there yet because as I said, I'm not ready to rock the boat and call it quits on kids.

I've floated options out there: trying non-medicated FETs with our remaining embies; adoption; etc. So far it's kind of falling on deaf ears. His age is his roadblock and unfortunately that's only going to get worse, not better, and I can't fight him on that.

I will admit that I did go through the PPD phase you talked about. When my post-partum belly melted away I had myself some good in-the-shower cries. I hated the idea that G would be the only baby I would grow inside me. I'm not 100% over it, but doing much better about it.

I'm not trully private about this -- I've talked to kittylove before so it's good to have an outlet. However the out result right now is still the same: no talk of future babies

Christakim

That's got to be so hard....did your DH always only want one?  I guess I'm the bad guy in our situation because I changed my mind when I was pregnant with Ella.  You seem like such a good mother to G, it makes me sad for you that you may not be able to try again.  I know I'm on your side cause I feel the same way as you do, but sometimes I wish that DH's could see the "mommy's side" of the argument.  It's hard coming to terms that it's going to be the last baby you are ever going to give birth to.

DH and I talked this morning.  He's going to try and keep an open mind about the situation if I do.  I don't know where that is going to get us, but it's good enough for now.  After we have our next, I'm thinking about looking into gestational surrogacy to help a couple who can't carry a baby to term.  That would help someone else and it would help keep my endo at bay.  Having gone through IF I would love to help someone else, so this seems pretty perfect. 

I hope that you and DH sort this out, it doesn't seem to get to the extreme that our situation has and we haven't even had the next one yet.  You have more patience than I do, that's for sure.  If you ever need support on the subject, please page me, I'll try and help!

AvaLikeLava

Actually, there was a time when he said that he wasn't going to have kids. That was long before we were engaged though and we worked through figuring it out.

He was looking at his years advancing and the fact that he hadn't found anyone he wanted to have child with, so he had resolved to not having any at all. And then I came along ;p

On the other hand, I was very clear with him that I wanted kids and if that wasn't an option for him then we couldn't be together. It broke my heart to say it because he trully is THE right person for me, but I've always known that having a child was more important to me than being in a relationship.

I've also thought a lot about being a gestational carrier (not surrogacy per se because I'm not comfortable with someone else raising a genetic child of mine... although I go back and forth on this daily). The thing w/ that though is that although I get to experience pregnancy again, my family has to expereince it with me. Then I start wondering: what if it's a high-risk pregnancy and I'm confined to bedrest. Is it fair to G? Is it fair to S, as I would be pregnant for my own selfish desire to be pregnant. He would have to care for our child and home and just about everything. So, if I DO do it, I would want to wait until G is a lot more self-sufficient and S and I come to a consensus on our own family size. We'll see.

I'm glad that you guys talked more though. That's pretty key. If you can't you'll never come to an agreement. And you're right -- after your next, your DH can realize how much better life is with 2, so couldn't it be better still with 3. Conversely, you might say : 2 is too much to handle, esp. so close in age, could 3 be impossible? All I'm saying is open mindedness right now is a good thing

Ugh, I so hope you get pregnant soon. I can't possibly imagine how uncomfortable you must be. Do they make a morpheine drip in a On-The-Go IV dispenser? ;p