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Success after IF
Everyone need to start ttc for #2 now......
because i need friends on the secondary IF board!!!!!! lol!!!! (i suppose it is hard to try when alot of you are pg right now! lol)
I totally feel like a fish out of water there. I feel like my situation is more complex and I need some IFers who have been there and done that!
The boards knowledge base is a little lacking too. There were a bunch of people who said they would never do IVF because of the risk of multiples. I posted and tried to correct them that IVF is one of the most controlled procedures and you were more likely to have multiples with an IUI or clomid.
Ok, i am done being an IF snob, but i am just so over clomid and charting ???s. I think you guys just get my situation better........is it ok if i stick around here?
(though it was nice to see those few familiar faces over there:)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Everyone need to start ttc for #2 now......
I think you'll find that there are a lot of SAIF'ers trying for or working on #2 right now. Most are here on this board. But there are a lot of VERY helpful, supportive and friendly women over there.
You have to remember....Secondary IF doesn't necessarily mean IF the first time around, too. Many of those ladies had no major issues conceiving #1 (or 2 for that matter). That doesn't mean their struggles are any less difficult this time around. They just haven't had the necessity to have gained the knowledge that you have gained regarding advanced AR.
Think of how they all must feel when being a "fish out of water".... they don't beling here OR on TTTC. I think the presence of more people who have been through IF already will help to do just what you were trying to do with your post - educate them. They are mostly new to these struggles and it helps to read about others' struggles and journeys.
They're not ignorant or stupid - they just haven't needed to know what you know. Thanks God for that, I say.
Married 8.13.2005, M/C 12/8/06- 5 weeks, M/C 2/27/07- 7 weeks, M/C w/ D&C 8/10/09-6.5 weeks *Charles Lawrence born 5/2/08 @ 3:14am, 7lb 8oz, 20.5 inches. Clomid, Crinone and baby aspirin. *Alexandra Claire born 9/14/10 @ 9:52am 6lb 14oz, 20.5 inches. Femara, Crinone and baby aspirin.
the way i saw it initially was that "Secondary IF" was for people who had number 1 without any problems...and then were dx with IF.
So since you were TTTC for number 1 I think this is the perfect place...and regular TTTC also, perhaps?
So since we've all "been there, done that" of course you can post TTTC questions here too!
I feel like my situation is more complex and I need some IFers who have been there and done that! The boards knowledge base is a little lacking too
--- I feel the same way too. I just wasn't sure whether it was okay to say so, so I didn't.
I can see newportbride's point too. They have to go somewhere and there's not enough traffic for a SAIF specific SIF. I guess if we look at it the other way around, we probably intimidate those who haven't gone though what we have.
Newport, I am not in anyway saying that I don't like the posters on there and that their concerns aren't legit or that they aren't a very supportive board. It is just like i feel like i took a step backwards.
When you have gone through so much IF procedures, etc sometimes you want someone who can relate. There were alot of people posting how they wouldn't do IVF. Which of course is fine, it is there choice. But when IVF is your only option you feel off par with the rest of them.
I never said i don't feel their pain. I do. We all want another child regardless of how we go about getting it. I can't chart or take clomid and I feel like that is the majority of the people over there.
You learn all of this stuff from experience, and most of them haven't had prior experience with IF.
I am sure that the dynamics of the board will change as more IFers decide to have another.
I apologize if you took this post the wrong way, as it wasn't meant to offend you.
I feel like my situation is more complex and I need some IFers who have been there and done that!
Not everyone who has SIF had primary IF. That's the beauty of IF. It doesn't discriminate. I am sorry that you had to go through what you did but not being able to conceive a child or repeatedly losing babies kind of levels the playing field. That is what we are all dealing with or have dealt with in the past. You aren't more infertile than anyone else just because you had to do more invasive treatments.
The boards knowledge base is a little lacking too. There were a bunch of people who said they would never do IVF because of the risk of multiples. I posted and tried to correct them that IVF is one of the most controlled procedures and you were more likely to have multiples with an IUI or clomid
And every single reply you got agreed with you. How can the whole board's knowledge base be lacking based on ONE specific comment? That's a gross generalization. We reply based on our own experiences and ideas. If they happen to be wrong we correct respectfully. Not a whole post dedicated to admonishing a group of grown women as if they were idiots.
I don't mean this to sound snarky but if you don't like it, don't post there. We may not all be 100% up to speed on every single invasive and non invasive procedure out there but we support each other as best we can even through our own heartbreak. Because yes, even if it's only clomid that doesn't work, it is still heartbreaking.
I get wanting to relate. I do. There are not a lot of ladies on SIF who are doing IVF. But this whole OP was just so unnecessary IMO. OP thinks she fits in better over here for whatever reason - then post here. There was no need to post the OP.
Of course we can agree to disagree
Josi,
I was not saying my pain is worse or less than anyone else, but i disagree 100% that there are different levels of fertility. I have less than a 1% chance of having a baby without IVF per a discussion with a well respected RE. My fertility issues are worse than someone who is taking clomid for a better ovulation.
I have taken clomid before. I have also done IVF. IMO, a BFN on IVF would have been WAY worse than the clomid. Personally i have invested much more in IVF in terms of $$$ and emotions than i did in clomid. I won't generalize and say that this is true for everyone, but i also can't pretend that the further i dove into IVF treatments the pain and heartache didn't get worse. I am not saying that a BFN from clomid is not painful, but i am sure if you polled women who had BFNs from both clomid and IVF, they would have had more pain from the IVF. And this was my point, there werent that many veteran's on the board who could relate to my situation. I was not minimalizing other's situations, I was just looking for someone with a similar situation as mine.
As for the knowledge base, i had read many posts to come to this conclusion. It is not that i think the people are idiots by any means, they just don't have the background or knowledge that i have gained and become used to. It is more of a novice level of information, stuff that i had already gone through.
I really didn't mean to offend you, it was just that i felt like a fish out of water. It is a new board and i didn't realize the dynamics of it. I know that there are posts sometimes telling posters on this board to join it, and i just was saying that i felt more comfortable here.
I don't want to debate this topic as i really didn't mean for it to be controversial.
While the fertility issues may be different and varying the infertility is the same. I am heart sorry that you had to go through what you had to for your LO. I wouldn't wish any of this on anyone and I really do get that you want people you can relate to. People who have been through the same thing.
Just something to think about though. You have the 'benefit' of having gone through a whole lot of IF treatments and have the experience and shed the tears to prove it. A lot of those women haven't. Some are only in the beginning stages of being diagnosed. If that is too novice for you, that's fine. If the incessant clomid questions annoy you then don't go over there. That's my point. Your OP didn't just say you felt more comfortable here. It was the implication that what went on there was beneath you because you were so far ahead in the IF game. You even called yourself an IF snob.
I still don't think that the OP was necessary. Just saying.
?
Ditto to your post, Josi.?
This post was so unnecessary and actually the SIF board doesn't really need people who ?think that the people over there aren't Infertile enough. There was one comment about not wanting to do IVF, big deal. Not all of us feel that. We go to that board because there is something different about having a child and going through the process all over again. Sure some people didn't struggle with #1, but most of us did. I just don't understand why you'd feel the need to bash that board. I guess that's probably why I like it over there so much. Bashing really doesn't happen over there. ALL opinions and ALL levels of IF welcome. I probably will stay over there because I forgot how snarky other boards can be.
you are ABSOLUTELY correct! that is exactly why they have a check-in group on TTTC for those who have struggled a bit more. I cannot recall the name. yes, 1 round of clomid is very different than multiple IVFs.
2 infertiles' journey to 2 pink lines (and a baby girl)
"our IF story"
I am sorry if you took the message the wrong way. My snob comment was supposed to be a joke (sarcastically that i know everything because IVF is the cadillac of fertility tx).....and i meant no harm in it. I was making fun of myself. Sometimes i find it funny to make fun of all this IF crap that i go through. Believe me, IF is not something i am happy to be a snob about!
My main reason for the post was to see if there was anyone else out there feeling like me so that we could find some common ground and go through this together.....like pp suggested a check in on this board. I also wanted to clarify why i felt more comfortable posting her than on the other board, since I have seen posts telling the second timers to visit SIF.
I never intended not to visit SIF or offer support or share insight. I was just kind of saying that this is my home.
I have been on this board a LONG time. It is almost like my family.....one of the only reason's i stayed sane through this journey. I also think if you understood this board, you will notice most of us get bitter once in a while. We don't mean any harm to others we are just frustrated with our situation.
I am in a very serious place right now where my fate may be dictated to me, and i may only ever have 1 child. SOme days i am absolutely fine with it, other times, not so much.
Just as i would never expect a TTTcer to relate to my pain, as they are still trying to have A baby....i don't feel that someone who has never experienced IF can totally relate to mine. I was just looking for someone in my shoes.
2 infertiles' journey to 2 pink lines (and a baby girl)
"our IF story"
Now if you had said it like that to begin with no one would have taken offense. This I get. There is no snark. There's no trying to be cute/sarcastic ( which you can't tell on a messgage board ). It's just honestly what you feel. Thank you.
Your message seemed fine to me
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I will be joining you come June to TTC #2. Still recovering from #1. I got pregnant on fresh IVF #3, had an additional FET also.
Sometimes babies are like olives I was told, you pop the first one out and the rest come out a lot easier. Wish that took into consideration MF and AMA.
We have now agreed to 'not prevent' for #2. Ha, ha, ha, like that means anything for us. We also have less than a 1% chance of getting PG without IVF (PCOS and MFI). Anyways, we are seriously hoping for a miracle now, but will likely go back to the RE in July to start IVF again. I haven't posted on SIF about it because I don't really have much to say b/c my cycles have just stopped being regular so now there is a 0% chance without IVF; stupid PCOS.
Boo.
I can also understand your pain/fear that you will have an only child. I want more than anything 2-3 kids and I am petrified that we won't be able to have them. I am hoping we have coverage for 2 more cycles, but I think that it is only one. After that, we are on our own. I am afraid that money will come between us and having children. It is very sad to me.
Anyways, my point is that you aren't alone. I haven't gotten quite as far as you with actively trying with the RE again, but I understand the fears. Funny, but I am looking forward to all the needles and u/s and all of that. I am just ready to move forward and fight this IF again.