I'm done with all of this - long rant inside.

BirdieBrd · March 2009

Okay not really but I am so over this whole process of TTC; I just don't care anymore at this point.

Do I want a baby? Absolutely more than anything and we will still keep trying. But emotionally I'm done. I am so so tired of each month being disappointed, wondering if this will happen for me again, having to time when to have sex, wondering if I'm going to ovulate (which this month apparently I'm not), and just the over all process.

*sigh* I have an appt with my OBGYN which I'm actually looking forward too. I will discuss things with her on why it's been almost a year since my miscarriage and I'm still not pregnant again. Is this a concern? Am I in the small percentage of women who get pregnant once but never again?

I had a ton of stress this past year: my mom was diagnoised with leukemia so she went through 6 months of intensive chemo. While she was in the hospital she had a mild stroke. Ugh! She's in remission now (thank God) but, man, that was stressful. Even more to think 'if I'm stressed what is she going through'. Than my 91 year old grandma got sick and spent a couple weeks in the hospital, including Christmas day. She did pass away but thank goodness it was while she was at home and thank goodness she was able to see my mom get better.

So I don't know if stress like that would play a roll in conceiving. I know that stress can affect many parts of your being so I believe that it would not help if you are TTC.

Anyway, my husband and I agreed that we would not do IVF or IUI so our only option is getting pregnant on our own or taking fertility meds before we moved on to adoption. So our options are limited. Hopefully if this next round of clomid doesn't work she will let me try fermara.

My husband told me that whenever I am ready we can start the ball rolling on adoption. This gives me some comfort but while I'm over this process I'm not over trying to have our own baby.

I am blessed with a great husband, family, friends, and two awesome cats too (can't forget the furbabies). I have a great life it's just this one part that is getting on my nerves.

*sigh*

Okay I'm done whining I'm off to hopefully get a manicure. Thanks for listening/reading. Embarrassed

mimi525 · March 2009

I know IF can be so emotionally/physically draining. I totally understand about the let down month after month. I hope this cycle of clomid works for you and you get your BFP. Take care and best of luck in whatever you decide to do.

hollymichael · March 2009

Sorry you are feeling so down Birdie. I mentioned this the other day, but I have been shocked by how emotionally draining TTC has been. I think it is the complete lack of control that makes it so difficult. I wish that I had something to say to make you feel better, but I don't know what those words would be. We are all here for you when you need to vent/get your feelings out. I hope you feel better after your manicure!

leffe1 · March 2009

I am so sorry to hear about your Mom and Gramdma. What a difficult journey that must be for you and your family. I continue to wish her the best of health and am glad to hear she is in remission.

I hope your journey leads you to a baby on your own or through adoption. I am in the same boat and don't think we will ever do IVF for our own reasons.

I like you will just keep trying for a few more months then probably move onto adoption.

Best of luck to you and hang in there.

ToshaGirl · March 2009

That's a lot to go through. My TTC journey has just started and I already feel the odd "pang" with all of this, so I think your feelings after what you have experienced is not whining at all!

I am really happy to hear about your DH....he does sound awesome.

Sorry this is all stressing you out, frik hey? Let us know how you feel after the manicure. Right Hug

Laura Cochran · March 2009

I'm so sorry you are going through this. You have had such a hard time recently, I can understand not wanting to deal with anymore disappointment. this road is so hard and none of know how it will end. Do what you need to do and come here to talk to people who understand. Good Luck.

CharBart · March 2009

I'm sorry about your Mom and Grandma...that is an immense amount of strees to be under, add in the stress of TTC and you went through a lot over the last year. Know that you are not alone and a lot of us feel the same way...how much more can we take. It's just comforting to know that we have this safe place to go when we to to rant and that we will not judge each other. Keep your hopes up and know we are wishing you the best of luck in everything!

futurebabymama · March 2009

I understand your frustrations. I think stress absolutely plays a role in TTC. With all you've gone through I am sure it's having an effect. It's difficult to control stress in most situations. All I can do is offer you e-hugs and support. You sound like you have a good support system IRL too. I'm still holding out for your BFP!

::Hugs::?

LizzyB11 · March 2009

I am so sorry for the loss of your grandmother. It seems as though it should be easier to deal with losses as we age, but it's so incredibly hard to say goodbye to a grandparent. I'm glad that your mother is doing well now. Those are hard times to endure while TTC.

You may get some great answers from your doctor when you go. If you chart, take them with you. I felt so much better when I heard the results of slightly low progesterone. It made me feel some hope that something can be done (even in the form of five little pills). When is your appointment? I hope it is soon so that you might get some answers to what is taking so long. Good luck!

SASSI712 · March 2009

I can understand how you feel, somtimes I feel bad about feeling bad about not being able to have a 2nd child...it's a vicious cycle IF and hopefully one day no one will have to know this frustration..

?good luck ?

itsmexine · March 2009

Sorry about your mom and grandmother. You've been under so much stress, and dealing with IF issues on top of it must be so difficult. I hope your next round of clomid works and that your manicure helped you just realx for a little bit and forget about it all if not only for an hour.

indianasunshine · March 2009

It is so difficult and very overwhelming. ?We are all here for you, and I hope you see your BFP very soon. ?Best wishes for your mom's continuing recovery.