HTT- Reusing names

TTCgradstud

What are your thoughts on reusing names if you name a child and the adoption doesn't work out?  Would you use that name again, or at least keep it on the list, or is that name now out because you had already identified a specific child with that name?

jacksjerseygirl

Good question.

I thought I had thought about and researched everything! Not this.

First thoughts ....

... if I havet not yet been introduced the child or it was an limited introduction before the BM changed her mind, then I would 'reuse' the name

... if we took the baby back to the hotel and the BM changed her mind during the revocation period or before the interstate paperwork was completed then I would have to think long and hard about it - leaning towards no.

... if we took the baby home with us after paperwork was done but perhaps the BM had up to 60 days to revoke and did so, I would not 'reuse' the name. In this instance it would feel very much so like a death to me.

 

jacksjerseygirl

fredalina:

But i'm not really one to call an unknown by a name before it's "real". 

I agree with you. Even though we have a couple of names picked out, we are not telling anyone. We simply refer to our future child as 'baby', 'junior' (bc our cat's name is Baby, it gets confusing for him when we say 'baby') ... and even if we are matched with a BM with a future due date we won't tell people the gender (if we are told) - last thing I would need is a lot of baby stuff arriving of a specific gender even though we have said no gifts.

If the revocation period is 10 days or less then we will probably hold off on telling people the baby's name until that time period is over so that we know it is 'real'. If the revocatoin period is longer than 10 days we will have to tell them.

silliestbunny

That's tough.
DH is set on honoring his deceased mom by naming a daughter after her. 
It would be tough to let go of the name if the match was not meant to be.

But who knows...I hope this is one topic we'll never have to broach. 

BeachJenn

Very good question. I have no idea but will think on it now.

come*on*baby

A friend's FIL named his daughter the same name they had named two stillborn daughters prior to her. THAT is creepy. AND that's when NOT to reuse a name.

 

Since the names we are planning on using are favorite names we've picked, we're going to save them until we know for sure the child is ours. Two other family members on DH's side have actually used the names we plan to use (one actually did it out of spite, but that's a long story), but since we very rarely see them, we're still using them because we had them picked out and planned before those other children were born.

TTCgradstud

I didn't answer my own question because I am undecided.  We had to give a name to the baby in our failed adoption- the lawyer needed it for the paperwork to go to court.  We did meet her for a couple of hours the night before we were supposed to go to court.  People were told her name because my dad was there when we told the lawyer and we thought we should tell DH's parents as well. 

My mother later made a comment about "where did we come up with that name??"  We really liked it and I don't think ever called her by name, so we might use it again.  It will depend on if the name matches the next baby.  

Mrs.Johnson

We picked a name for both a boy and girl.  Our adoption match failed before the BM told us the sex of the baby.  We will use the names we picked out since we LOVE them and never attached them with a specific baby.  We also told our agency we do not want to know the sex of the baby next time for this reason.