So, I am kinda nervous RE: DD

MelandJeff

DD has had her privileges revoked, and, well, 2 weeks being grounded for the stunt she pulled is just not going to cut it.

DD told me today that she IS going to go out, that she IS going to "be home in the morning" and she is NOT going to stay home this weekend and that her punishment served already is enough.

I told her that, not, that she does not determine when her punishment is over, nor does she get to tell me what she is or is not doing and that she had better be home after work tonight.

I am worried that she is going to go anyway.

monchichi

Does she have a cell phone? ?If she does, take it now or have the service shut off now. ?Tell her that you'll call her friends' parents instructing them that she's not to be out tonight. ?Take away car keys, etc. ?Have her EARN trust and fun. ?Pick her up after work if need be. ?Drive her to work if need be.

?

This is all very easy for me to say since my kids aren't very old! ?Good luck to you--I teach high school and see kids like this all the time. ?It is SO frustrating for their parents!

~Kat~

I was going to suggest that you take her to/from work too. I do not envy you at all. I dread DS's teenage years.

veloelle

As much as a PITA it will be, I'd drive her to and from work. Did you buy her a car? I'd take it away too and allow only your or DH to drive her to school and work. Again, may not be feasible at all. GL.

MelandJeff

Oh, we always pick her up from work. 99% of the time anyway, and tonight will be no different. I just feel like she might have a fit and still take off with her friends. Its not as though I can strong arm her into the car.

 

Her cell phone was taken, so no, she doesnt have a phone.

Ugh.

Amanda&Chris

I am going to give you unsolicited advice.  Take it FWIW which is probably not much.  I say, pick her up tonight, make it clear that she does not run the show, but also give her a realistic end date to her grounding, like next weekend.  She can be ungrounded next weekend if all goes well between now and then, but if she pulls another stunt then it's another week or two or three, whatever you decide, that she is grounded.

I clearly remember the desperate feeling that I am guessing your DD is having right now.  I felt like I was never going to be ungrounded, there was no point in being good, etc.  My parents would ground me for like 3 months which felt like an ETERNITY, so by a few weeks in I would say fork it and go out anyway...at that point extra time being grounded didn't make a difference anyway.

Like I said, this may not be worth much, but I was a VERY rebellious teen with parents that tried too hard to keep me sheltered and it backfired.

MrsSledge

Be sure to show up early to pick her up so she can't try to go with friends before you get there.  Either that, or make her call in sick.

femmegem

I think A&C is right. Because the reality is you really don't have control over what your DD does. Short of physically carrying her into her room, padlocking the door and boarding up the windows, you can't MAKE her stay home. So you need her to agree to stay home by seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.

I was also an incredibly rebellious teenager. When my parents grounded me once without reasoning with me at all, I walked out the door and walked miles in the snow because I was so pissed off. I did spend the night at a friend's house and was luckily okay after all was said and done, but I would hate for you to be worrying about her all night long.

Have you thought about having HER decide what her punishment should be? Tell her she's lost your trust and you need her to come up with a viable way to earn it back. Of course you'll have to agree to her solution, but if she can't come up with something good she'll have to serve the remainder of her grounding and not complain about it. That would give her an element of control over her own life but still ensure she learns a lesson about what she did.

I am not looking forward to the teen years AT ALL. Lord. I hope Alex is nothing like I was in my teens. I was a holy terror.

And, as A&C said, take my advice FWIW. I have no experience with teens other than my own experience being an out of control teenager.

ETA: BTW, my suggestion to have her come up with the punishment is influenced by the book Kids Are Worth It: Giving Your Child the Gift of Inner Discipline by Barbara Coloroso.

belle204

Beat her ass. That should take care of it.

edit: disclaimer: I'm not serious....b/c someone will no doubt be unfamiliar with my "humor" and think I am.

amanda&rob

Ugh, and she just looks so innocent and sweet! 

I totally agree with A&C-give her a time when she can be ungrounded.  Or shorten her sentance if she has been on good behavior.