My thoughts

MsZoeB

I write this with the understanding that I am new to the board and that many people don't know me. I also don't want to offend anyone by my post. In addition, I didn't not read through every post from yesterday but I did skim through many of them.

This board and all of the boards on the knot, the nest, the bump are message boards that have general themes. They are places designed to connect women of all different backgrounds and circumstances. Those differeneces are what give each board a richness that you would get if we were all in the same situation. The richness allows us to learn or grow from our conversations. 

We as individuals need to post and communicate with those that we connect with. And recognize that there might be multiple places that can accomplish that. Maybe there are days that you are dealing with TTCAL and you post here. Maybe there are days that you are struggling with Trouble TTC and you post there. Still other days you may not want to bump or nest. All of this is fine.But I don't believe that we should put limits on what can be or can't be posted. I am not sure that we should even have to offer disclaimers about our posts. 

I understand being sensitive to others situations should you post daily about your pg symptoms when you know that this board has grieved no. Should you bash those that do or make others feel guilty for being excited or even nervous about the pg, no. I just feel that we can all be adults about the conversations that occur here. We can learn and support and choose not to participate if the need arises. 

Again, I am sorry if what I have put into this post is not taken to kindly. I don't mean it as an attack on any one perspective just simply offering my thoughts. 

I hope to continue to contribute and learn from you ladies especially those that have struggled since we have only recently started TTC and lost and those that have SAL. 

Thanks for reading. 

Jin'sWifey

i am coping one of my replies to a post below....i just posted it and don't want it to get burried since it is pretty far down:

I think what some of you don't understand is that some of us (me included ) have been on this board since its conception and are still here..

 My first m/c was in 2007! my second 2008...we have been ttc for almost 2 yrs!

Yes, BFPs USED to give me hope...But it is hard to continuously feel that way month after month...especially when people are moving on that literally just joined the group weeks or a month ago..

I am NOT jealous of the BFPs..(envious YES) But i don't want their babies i want me and my hubbys! Again, people shouldn't be drop kicked to another board once they get BFPs but the TTCALers that are hurting shouldn't be bombarded w/pregnancy posts either!

I took a break from this board after my second loss (best thing i ever did for myself) when i attempted to come back i was shocked and disappointed to see soooo many post related to pregnancy.(it wasn't like that in the begining) ..if i wanted to see such posts i could lurk on SAL (which i did when my friend where there...now they are all on PAL ...i lurk there b/c i care about what is going on with them) When i got my BFP here i did post here occasionally to friends that were still here..BUT i kept all of my pg related posts/questions/vents/fears for SAL(yes even my beta #s)..Why? b/c i knew they could be hurtful for people that were still here and hurting...i absolutely celebrated my BFP but i did it respectfully

This is the EXACT reason i started a sperate TTCAL +6 montns board...It is hard for some of the new TTCALers to know/understand where some of us "oldies" "bittter bitches" are coming from...

With that said, i know in my heart that the post that started all of this yesterday was just made to make people aware of how some of us felt...it wasn't meant mean spiritedly or to call people out...

We all want the same thing and that is to get  BFP! I would hope we are all happy for everyone when that happens...I really don't think that was the issue at hand yesterday

mrs.viv07

jin from your mouth to...(???) but yes in a nutshell we are happy for you all but it hurts i was crying last night over private practice because she slept with 2 men is now pg and doesn't know the father, i hate her for getting so easily what we are struggling to have, and have had it only to loose it 4x, i too have been here since it started matter fact i was one who pushed for this board to be created and since then have had 3 more m/c and i'm still here, so yes i'm bitter and in so much pain, again happy for girls who i've come to "know" but it still stings.

MsZoeB

Jin, I guess this was my point. Being new, I don't know everyone's stories and we are all coming from different places. When I first posted I didn't want to step on toes or say the wrong thing. I lurked for days and decided to start posting because I feel that I need to help.

I am glad that there are people at various levels of TTC because I don't know where I am in the process. I am also relieved that there are other places to go if I need to post if we am unsuccessful after 6 months or if I have multiple losses.

We are all coming from different places and it is difficult to take everyone into consideration especially if what we want or need to post is important to us. I don't want to sound selfish but many people don't have girlfriends or family members that we can talk to about this so sometimes we have to be self serving. 

To that end, I am sorry that you have struggled for so long. I hope that you and all of the ladies here make their dreams come true and I hope that if I am successful this month that people will be happy for me even though I am new. 

MrsGhappilyeverafter

Jin'sWifey:

Yes, BFPs USED to give me hope...But it is hard to continuously feel that way month after month...especially when people are moving on that literally just joined the group weeks or a month ago..

I feel the exact same way.  In the beginning, when you come to this board, seeing BFPs will definitely give you hope.  But when you get to the point where you've been trying for over 6 months or more with no luck, then BFPs and pg updates are hard to see.  They're a reminder of what we can't achieve. 

Thanks for posting JinsWifey and MrsViv! I agree with you both completely.

amoureux

Jin - well said.  

In particular, I agree with your personal position of announcing your BFP here but saving the pg related questions for SAL.   Yes, I am very happy for each person who receives a positive.  I hope every single one of them is successful.   

But after 3 losses and 1.5 yrs of trying, I appreciate having a board that is not full of tickers, ultrasound pictures, and betas.  I do check SAL to see how people are doing but I can go over there when I wish rather than having posts blindside me on a day that perhaps I don't wish to be blindsided. 

That is why there are different boards so women at different stages of this journey have a place to be.  

Jin'sWifey:

When i got my BFP here i did post here occasionally to friends that were still here..BUT i kept all of my pg related posts/questions/vents/fears for SAL(yes even my beta #s)..Why? b/c i knew they could be hurtful for people that were still here and hurting...i absolutely celebrated my BFP but i did it respectfully

With that said, i know in my heart that the post that started all of this yesterday was just made to make people aware of how some of us felt...it wasn't meant mean spiritedly or to call people out...

We all want the same thing and that is to get  BFP! I would hope we are all happy for everyone when that happens...I really don't think that was the issue at hand yesterday