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My Update :(

I<3MYHUSBANDI<3MYHUSBAND
in Northern California Babies

I have gone back and forth ont  posting this here or talk about it. At first I did not want to jinx it, then when things were not going as I wanted,  I realized I wish I had the support and "dust". I share a lot here, I get a lot here.

On 3/4 my period was a little late, but I was throwing up and my period is NEVER late. On the pill, or off the pill it is like clockwork. I decided to go the the $ store to get a test. More to just prove I was not. I took the test and a second later saw two very bold lines. A BFP. I was in shock. DH was SUPER happy. He wanted to start TTC right after D was born. We were not TTC, we were on BCP. This was not the timing we were "suppose" to have. I have said several times here the age gap I thougth our kids would have, and the thought of it being just over 2 years just scared the crap out of me. Not to mention I want/need to loose weight before the next child. Also having D early the first time I was worried about that happening again.

 On Sat. after the BFP I started spotting, I felt HORRIBLE for being worried about timing, and realized how much I did not want to loose the chance to have that baby. Call to the Dr and then Beta test. All of them going up in numbers. Two ultrasounds a week apart, showing the sack the first time (super early) and the sack and fetal pole the second time (tuesday, again super early barely 6 weeks) . Wed. morning I started having BAD cramps, followed by lots of blood. :(

No baby for us this Nov., DH is not taking it well at all. He is being strong for me, but I feel so bad that I feel like I added a bit more grief to his life. ugh. I feel bad for being worried.

 

 

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