my ttc condom poking friend

j.h.mommy

So I posted the other day about my friend who wants a baby so bad that she has started poking holes in condoms, which to her is totally rational. I did try to talk to her. She listened, but said that I don't understand what having a baby means to her and how hard it is to see all her friends have babies while her man won't try to get her pregnant.

Then I suggested her going to a doctor and talking about depression, which led to this fun conversation. She is 24 and has never been to an OB. And does not plan to until she concieves. Is it just me or is that weird? Shouldn't she go prior to trying to have a baby? She says the idea makes her uncomfortable. Wouldn't it be quite a shocker to have your pregnancy be your first experience at an ob? I always thought those exams were way worse than normal, I threw up after a pap when I was pregnant. Good lord I hope she doesn't get pregnant!

Myheart1297

she definitely needs to get herself to the dr. and get checked out before doing anything! Oh, and if her guy doesn't want a baby right now, tricking him in to it is not the way to go. Maybe she needs to be with someone different or respect his wishes to wait. I hate it when people want to have babies because 'everyone else is having them'! UGH, that's not a reason to have a baby!

franciscaz

PUNCHING HOLES IN CONDOMS?????  REALLY

Oh well she is obviously off her rocker.  The no OB thing is icing on the cake.  Once a girl becomes sexually active or is over the age of 25 they should see an GYN annually!  It sounds deeper than depression.  If she won't see an OB I would recommend a family doctor.  Either way she definitely needs help before she is responsible for another human.

(Almost sounds like the mindset of OctoMom)

Buckets of Moonbeams

Your friend makes me .  I think she's nuts, and her partner should be (anonymously?) informed she thinks it is and acceptable practice to poke holes in condoms.

Danyielv1

JH Mommy--This is not post related. ?I big PPH your pic of the dog smelling the flowers. ?You should enter that in a contest.

Ash123

The idea of a pap makes her uncomfortable, but pushing a baby out of her vagina in front of a bunch of people staring at that general area is fine with her?

Oh boy... She's super special.

LUCKY41010

your friend has gone of the deep end....

iowagirl73

IMO, it is weird that she is 24 and has never been to the gynecologist.  There is a reason why women are encouraged to go and she needs to be encouraged also. 

Wanting a baby "so bad" that she is willing to go against the wishes of her BF (or whatever he is) is not healthy, is deceptive, is irresponsible, and is completely uncool.  She is 24.  She has plenty of time to have a child and she shouldn't trick a man into it.  What is she going to do if she does get pg and her man dumps her?  Or does she not care enough about the consequences of what she is doing?

goodtobethelarkster

She doesn't sound like she's big into "reason" right now but just in case...

Dude!  She should see an OB just to check up on her health if nothing else.  It's waaaaaay weird to me whenever some chick who is married and therefore most likely sexually active doesn't see an OB... Um... Why not?  Your vagina, cervix, uterus, and other "like totally embarassing lady parts" are as much a part of your health as your heart or lungs or kidneys.  You need to get them checked out regularly especially if they might be more in use than before.

But, yeah, dude... I don't claim to be an expert on marriage or anything like that but... Um... really?! Poking holes in condoms?!  She's 24.  She's got some time.  And breeding with some dude who doesn't want to breed is not the way to go.  It's stressful enough to breed with some dude who actually does want to breed.... One has to think of one's future spawn...

jlb7640

Go to the OB when you turn 18 or when you become sexually active.

Ok, how does she poke holes in the condoms?  Does she do it ahead of time but then won't the condoms dry out?  Does her man wait for her to run to the bathroom with a pair of scissors and the condoms?

 

j.h.mommy

Danyielv1:

JH Mommy--This is not post related. ?I big PPH your pic of the dog smelling the flowers. ?You should enter that in a contest.

Thanks! I happened to have the camera in hand at just the right time.

j.h.mommy

jlb7640:

Go to the OB when you turn 18 or when you become sexually active.

Ok, how does she poke holes in the condoms?  Does she do it ahead of time but then won't the condoms dry out?  Does her man wait for her to run to the bathroom with a pair of scissors and the condoms?

 

I actually asked her about this. She does it with a sewing pin at the corner of the package while they are still in the little packets.

I agree with all of you that she has some major issues. I have been friends with her as long as I remember and I feel like I have some obligation to help her while she is going though whatever this is.

And..perhaps for the poor husbands sake i should let him know. That hadn't even crossed my mind.

KittenGator

I had never actually been to an OB until I was pg. Blame insurance, or the fact that I never had any problems for that one.

Her reasoning is completely rational. Kind of like a girl I know whose DH was hardly active in baby #1's life and baby stressed him out a lot. He could hardly handle it. He didn't want kids for years. How did they solve this problem? By getting pregnant again, yanno, so they could get it "over" with. They're on their way to 2 under 1. Makes completely sense to me.

(In case it doesn't come across this way, I'm being sarcastic on the last paragraph. Your friend is making a BAD decision.)?

KittenGator

KittenGator:

I had never actually been to an OB until I was pg. Blame insurance, or the fact that I never had any problems for that one.

Her reasoning is completely rational. Kind of like a girl I know whose DH was hardly active in baby #1's life and baby stressed him out a lot. He could hardly handle it. He didn't want kids for years. How did they solve this problem? By getting pregnant again, yanno, so they could get it "over" with. They're on their way to 2 under 1. Makes completely sense to me.

(In case it doesn't come across this way, I'm being sarcastic on the last paragraph. Your friend is making a BAD decision.)?

I should add that I had never been to an OB because my normal doctor gave me paps and the like. I still blame insurance.

userdeleted

I really think you need to tell her husband. She is about to change his life forever without his consent. At this point I'm thinking that maybe he doesn't want a child with her for a reason - she sounds crazy! GL whatever you decide, but I really think that now that you're in the middle of this you need to tell him.

femmeftle9

*francisca*:

PUNCHING HOLES IN CONDOMS?????  REALLY

Oh well she is obviously off her rocker.  The no OB thing is icing on the cake.  Once a girl becomes sexually active or is over the age of 25 they should see an GYN annually!  It sounds deeper than depression.  If she won't see an OB I would recommend a family doctor.  Either way she definitely needs help before she is responsible for another human.

(Almost sounds like the mindset of OctoMom)

Actually one is supposed to start getting an annual GYN exam at 18, earlier if sexually active.

willogirl101

For some reason I think it would be funny if the condoms also had a spermicide.. so her poking would be in vain!! On the topic of the post, it sounds like she needs to be referred to a great OB ... maybe you could give her the name of yours so that possibly she would feel a bit more comfortable.

SoxChamps

If she is uncomfortable with a once a year swab, I guess she doesn't know how fun it is to have a doc stick their whole hand up there numerous times. You still get a pap anyway if you're not up to date, plus the initial early exam, and then all the fun the last few weeks and delivery. Point out how being PG turns your vagina into Grand Central Station.

LoriFalce

When my doctor was crawling around up there while I was in labor, I seriously wanted to stab her in the throat, it hurt so bad. I can't imagine getting to that point if I had never had an OB appt before.

And there is really no word strong enough for what she's doing to her SO. It's almost like a doctor feeling up a patient who's under anesthesia, like being raped but not knowing it's happening. And most horrifying, if she should succeed, he finds out about it and dumps her, legally he will still be responsible for that child for another 18 years.

Pacheco825

Wow nothing to say....She need so much help. Yes that is weird that she has never been to a gyn. I hope she doesnt get pregnant either. Thats going to be one messed up kid