MIL is really driving me crazy!

llking_2984

Yesterday I came home from my u/s and dr. appt. She was at my house watching the kids for me because I also had parent teacher conferences. So much to do on my day off! I showed her all the pictures of the baby and the whole time she was just saying how much she wished they had known about that when C, husbands ex, was pregnant with J, C, and H. (Just so you know, I hate it when people talk about her and compare things she did to me.) But I let this slide and just kept talking to her about our baby. She then says to me, "You know I don't really care if it's a boy or a girl. Because I already have the boys and have my one granddaughter that I always wanted. But I really hope it's not a girl because then I will have no money." At this point I was so heated. Why would you even say that to anyone? It's almost like my baby isn't as important to her as her current grandchildren. I mean I know her and the ex are very close but come on!

Then she goes into saying, "I wonder who the baby will be closest to and get spoiled the most by." Here is a little history about MIL. When DH and his ex had their first my oldest stepson J, MIL basically raised him because DH was 19 and ex was 16. She babied him beyond belief. Never ever told him no, gave him whatever he wanted whenever he wanted it. When DH and I met, J was a mess. He was 6. Pushed every button, cried whenever he didn't get his way and threw fits. Thanks to wonderful MIL. (She is a great person with a big heart, but the constent giving in got old) Now that he is 10 and DH and I have been together almost 4 years we have really done a lot of work to get him out of that point. He still cries sometimes when he doesn't get his way but nothing like it was before. It's a BIG change in him.

So I tell MIL, "I don't think that will happen with this baby. I really don't want to have to go through all that again like we did with J." She says, "Well J is that with me, C is that way with his Mom and H is that way with her aunt Crystal so the baby is going to be like that with someone." I said, "I am not going to spoil my child beyond belief. I can't handle that again. I know boundaries and when to say no and when to say yes." She said, "Well just wait til you have the baby. It will be totally different once you have it and you will be like that. I was and so was C(DH's ex)."

By this point I almost lost it. Why do people assume that because they were one way with their children that you will be the same? And I am sorry but I won't be that way with my baby. I want my child to grow up and be strong, not rely on everyone to do everything for them and have lots of emotional problems from it. At this point, I almost don't even want her to be in the room when the baby is born if she is going to say these things. Sorry for the long vent, just really irritates me.

If no responds that's totally ok, just need some place to vent where I know people at least listen.

BriAndSean

((hugs)) MIL drama can be so tough... and I imagine even more so in your family situation. Don't let her get you down!

JRS72206

My MIL makes my skin crawl so I totally get it. I'm the queen of making smart ars remarks back so I really have no good advice for you. ;0)

llking_2984

You know the weird thing, is normally I too make smart remarks back. Surprisingly I didn't this time. But I think it's going to get bad if she keeps it up. Like, part of me believes she thinks she has all this say in everything that happens with the baby because she helped raise DH's other kids. But I am sorry, I am not like their Mom. I am around. It's not going to be the same. So jump off the mommy wagon and hop on the grandma wagon please. Like when we were picking out the names. One of the names we liked for a girl, she said, "Oh that's what I wanted H's name to be when she was born. You must have picked it because of me." Honestly I didn't even know she had. And then she started to go around telling people she picked out the name. UGH!

KNemo

Most of the time, I adore my MIL. But she only lives in Washington 1/2 the year and the other 1/2 in Hawaii...rough life huh?? I did have to tell her off, in living color, once. After which, I didn't speak to her for three months and made it very clear that I would not have her in my house unless she watched her mouth and respected my boundaries. It also really helps when DH backs your play!!

Sometimes, you do have to really stand your ground and let them know you won't back down. I am so sorry that she is treating you this way. It is hard enough being the stepmom, without being treated as such by the MIL...she needs to back off and not judge you based on her own behavior/missteps.

((HUGS))