Did I overreact?

BubblyToes

M and I are supposed to go to a birthday party for his BFF tomorrow night.  My sister is/was coming to baby-sit Will.  Now she may not come because I told her she couldn't bring her boyfriend.  We've met this boy once, briefly, at the funeral on Monday.  We've spent all of five minutes talking to him.  I know his name and that he's 20 and he drives a motorcycle.  That's the extent of what I know about him.  I'm not really crazy about someone I don't know staying in my house with my child while I'm not there. 

My sister flipped out saying I didn't trust her, I didn't want to get to know this guy, blah, blah, blah.  Now she doesn't know if she's going to baby-sit because we won't let the boy come.

Am I overreacting?  It would be one thing if we were going to be here, but we're not.  It would also be one thing if we actually knew more about this kid.  Ugh. 

amiamish

I wouldn't like a boyfried coming over... more so because I think it would scare Jake. He doesn't really like strangers.

I don't think you overracted.

cooker71

Nope. I have a younger sister too and some random dude wouldn't set foot in my house if she was watching Nora.

marrymemylove

She is totally overreacting. I wouldn't want someone I didn't know there either.

We actually are planning to get SIL to sit for us semi-regularly (and she offered) and since her boyfriend lives in the next street to us and that's probably where she'd go afterwards rather than cab across town to her place, we thought we probably should say she can have him over. But before we do that we need to spend some time with him. We've barely met him so far.

Totally with you on this one.?

JOEBunny

Is your sister over the age of 18?  Normally responsible?  Then you are overreacting.  If she is 15, dating a 20 year old and normally into things she shouldn't be, you are right on point.

Samantha Thomas

No you aren't overreacting at all.  There is no way I'd let someone in my home with my child that I didn't know if I wasn't there.  I think you made the right call.

momintn

No, you did not.  I would have done the same thing.

femmegem

I wouldn't be comfortable with that, either. So I don't think you overreacted.

If you screamed it at her or called her names while you said it, then you overreacted. I don't think you did either, so you're fine.

marrymemylove

See I'm afraid JoeBunny is a bit like your sister, she sees everything as a trust issue. Same for her views on teen sex actually.?

I don't. I could trust SIL (or your sister) to the ends of the world. But it doesn't mean I have to trust the person they bring. I do not hold them responsible for another person, I think that's a good thing.

Its also about appropriate boundaries (like teens not having sex is). She's there to babysit, so its fair enough to say that new (to you) people are not on the agenda in your house that night. ?

Kelly Madonna

Guess I'm the odd one out. I wouldn't mind. Unless your sister is known to be bat-sh*t crazy.

Amanda&Chris

I don't think you're overreacting.  But if it was my sister I would be okay with her bring a boy over.  I wouldn't let a random sitter bring a boy over, but if it was my sister I would trust her judgment.  BUT it's your house, your rules and you shouldn't do something that makes you uncomfortable.

KrisBriMcBunny

nope you didnt over react! 

JOEBunny

marrymemylove:

See I'm afraid JoeBunny is a bit like your sister, she sees everything as a trust issue. Same for her views on teen sex actually. 

I don't. I could trust SIL (or your sister) to the ends of the world. But it doesn't mean I have to trust the person they bring. I do not hold them responsible for another person, I think that's a good thing.

Its also about appropriate boundaries (like teens not having sex is). She's there to babysit, so its fair enough to say that new (to you) people are not on the agenda in your house that night.  

MMML.... WTF are you talking about?  How on earth does this have anything to do with my views that that teens should have access to birth control.  You don't even have a sibling, so what would you know about it?

BubblyToes

FWIW, my sister does not have a history of doing responsible things or making good decisions.

She just cancelled on me.  Looks like M is going to the birthday party by himself. 

cooker71

BubblyToes:

FWIW, my sister does not have a history of doing responsible things or making good decisions.

She just cancelled on me.? Looks like M is going to the birthday party by himself.?

Sorry Bubs, that's sucks.

To clarify, if it was my sister's long-time boyfriend or something of that nature and we had met him several times beforehand, I wouldn't have as much of a problem with it. But that's not usually the case with her (my sister).

And ew. What if they banged on your couch??

BubblyToes

cooker71:

BubblyToes:

FWIW, my sister does not have a history of doing responsible things or making good decisions.

She just cancelled on me.  Looks like M is going to the birthday party by himself. 

Sorry Bubs, that's sucks.

To clarify, if it was my sister's long-time boyfriend or something of that nature and we had met him several times beforehand, I wouldn't have as much of a problem with it. But that's not usually the case with her (my sister).

And ew. What if they banged on your couch? 

That's it exactly.  If she had been with the guy for longer than a few months and we had actually spent some time with him, then it would be no big deal at all.  I wouldn't think twice about it.  I just don't know this guy from Adam's housecat. 

whitedress11

i don't think it is a big deal. maybe because i am the youngest of three girls... years ago i babysat for my sisters with boyfriends. they didn't know them well..... but knowing me and what type of boyfriend i would bring, they trusted me. do you trust your sister's judgment? she must like the guy to bring him to the funeral.

hero

I don't think you overreacted. I don't have a sibling so I am not really sure how to deal with a sister. I probably would tell her that cancelling on you, over something that is clearly only your decision to make, makes her seem immature, unreliable, and less likely to be trustworthy in the future. A bit harsh, I know.

DandR

You were right.  I would have done the same thing.  And if I lived closer I'd watch Will for you!  That royally sucks.....your sister is "acting her age" and reminds me a lot of how my sister used to act 5 or 6 years ago.....

pincushions

not at all!

maxebook29

I think you are right. And how does him being in your house when you aren't there supposed to help you get to know him?

Sarahpep

I don't think you overreacted at all. Also, based on her not seeing at all what your concern is and cancelling demonstrates that you made the right decision, and that she isn't responsible enough to care for you DC.

minnasmommy

I would let her bring him. as long as you trust your sis to be a vigilant sitter, then I wouldn't mind if he was there. now if she left to go pick up a pizza and left will home with the boyfriend alone, then THAT would be a huge issue, but as long as she was the one "watching" him, I don't think I'd mind.?

also, what time is the party? is will going to be asleep most of the time they are there??

ali-1411

JOEBunny:

Is your sister over the age of 18?  Normally responsible?  Then you are overreacting.  If she is 15, dating a 20 year old and normally into things she shouldn't be, you are right on point.

ditto, my thoughts exactly

Hooray2005

I personally would have set the same limit.

IMHO, she is coming over to watch your child, and Will has to be her first priority.  Distractions like friends/boyfriends takes attention off your child (especially if it's a new relationship - I'm guessing most of us know how distracting a new boyfriend can be, even for the most trustworthy and responsible people!)  Personally, I'd also want to know the guy better first before he's left alone with my child - just like I wouldn't let someone I barely know (female or male) watch my child, why should this be any different? 

Bellisimo

No, not overreacting.  I wouldn't think it was a good idea either.  I mean, he would only serve as a distraction for her.  Not knowing him and all would be the main reason I wouldn't want him coming.  It's one night!  She can see him any other time. 

Zenya

I agree w/joebunny.  although I see both sides

CubbyMama

I would probably feel the same way you do.  Maybe it's a little paranoid, but given the number of times you hear about bad things happening to kids by a friend of the family or whatever, it's not something I'd be comfortable with.

mauceddie

ali-1411:

JOEBunny:

Is your sister over the age of 18?  Normally responsible?  Then you are overreacting.  If she is 15, dating a 20 year old and normally into things she shouldn't be, you are right on point.

ditto, my thoughts exactly

 ditto me too.

mauceddie

ali-1411:

JOEBunny:

Is your sister over the age of 18?  Normally responsible?  Then you are overreacting.  If she is 15, dating a 20 year old and normally into things she shouldn't be, you are right on point.

ditto, my thoughts exactly

 ditto me too.