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Parenting
Do your parents agree w/ your decision to not spank?
My parents know how I feel about spanking. Dad is fine either way. My kid, my decision. He only knows that b/c he smacked B's hand once and I told him not to do it again. So, he didn't and totally respected my request.
My mom on the other hand has repeatedly told me "she needs to be spanked" (once for hitting me, and once for jsut overall whining and not listening and a fit in the floor at mom's house - it was naptime). Plus, she sees spanking as an acceptible discipline. And some people do - that's their decision, just not mine.
I feel like I have to justify my reasoning to my mom, whereas like I said, Dad doens't care. He's fine with what I ask.
My sister's and I were spanked, not often. And usually it was a 'one-hit-on-the-behind type. But, I remember my mom doing it to stop a behavior right then, and as I think about it, it probably did nothing more than relieve her frustration.
There are times Blaire does things that I can see why a parent might choose to spank, but I have no desire to have my child fear me - and I'll never understand the "you hit me, that's wrong, but I can hit you back mentality".
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Re: Do your parents agree w/ your decision to not spank?
Its funny I think they would be upset if they knew I had spanked him a couple times. I say "funny" because they spanked us as kids, but they are so much more patient with Aiden.
Disclaimer: I don't really condone spanking and had a lapse in judgement, I am not looking to be flamed today.
I have the opposite problem...my parents think I'm too strict...and not just about spanking either.
So we came up with a compromise...when they are at my house they keep their opinions to themselves and when we are at their house I lay off and let them deal with any issue they may have with my kids.
It actually worked out pretty good....kids knew what they could get away with at grandparents house and what they could get away with at my house and they never tried play us against each other.
chris's father is also deceased and he said he was spanked no more, no less than other kids. but, his sister told me thier mom was pretty forceful and she says she often dug her nails into their shoulders to stop a behavior. Chris has told her any discipline problems are to be handled by us. She's rarely alone w/ DD, but if she is and a problem arises, she's to inform us about it.
Although we have popped DD on the butt/hand before, we're trying to get away from that altogether. My dad doesn't see my point on it. He thinks spanking is normal discipline. His mom and dad spanked him and his siblings, he spanked me, etc.
My dad and step-mom do know not to spank DD, though.
We've never discussed it - it's not their business and even if we did spank, they would not be punishing my child in that way. Not only would I be totally not okay with it, I am 100% sure that neither my in laws nor my parents have any desire to discipline/punish Jackson beyond telling him no if we're not around. Maybe a time out if he's really acting up. That's just not the kind of relationship they will ever have with him.
And I know my husband and I never had a relationship like that with our grandparents -- we were very close to our grandparents and spent a lot of time with them, but they never disciplined us.
I guess I don't know how it would come up - unless they tried to spank the child or asked our thoughts on it? And if my parents or in laws asked, both of us would tell them to mind their own business (nicely most likely), but I can't even imagine them asking us that. Maybe my MIL would, but I'd just shoot her a death glare.
I'm sure not. ?My mother likes to call my son a "brat" when he doesn't want to talk to her on the phone. ?She's very pro-spanking and old-school in her "children should be seen and not heard" kind of mentality. ?
She shakes her head at most of what we do as parents. ?
My grandmother (mom's mom) did spank me once or twice and once slapped my face. but she's a hateful.***. I dont' know if it was allowed by mom and dad or not....My parents have spanked my nephews and my sister didn't like it - although she does spank them, if needed.
It's b/c of my grandmother that I'm even asking about this. My sister is having a spa party for a personal shower in Nashville and sisters want me to leave blaire and natalie w/ my grandmother. My g-ma is an inpatient person who is quick to go off (food in the floor, something out of place) and I don't think leaving my 2 year old alone w/ her is a good idea. Mom thinks I'm ridiclous. I can tell her not to spank her, but I know my g-ma and if she felt it needed to be done, she's do it and totally disregard my opinions/requests.
LOL my mum is even more against spanking than I am. I was never spanked and was (so she says) an angel.
I'm against it and don't plan on it but I'm not as paranoid about it as she is.
My parents fully support my decision to not spank. It's kind of strange, but my parents were physically abusive (beatings with belts, kicked, beaten in the head with fists, etc.), but they came to a point where they (well, mostly my dad) realized what they are doing was wrong, and quit. Honestly, I don't think I was ever hit or beaten for something that was really bad, usually I was beaten to relieve my parents' frustration. There may be people who can hit without going into serious abuse, but that line isn't clear to me at all. It's an all or nothing for me. I think it is too easy to give in to spanking a few times and have it slowly progress into something worse each time. I don't want my daughter to have to live in constant fear of the people who are supposed to keep her safe.
It's my DH who doesn't really get how I feel. His parents spanked, but it was nothing compared to what I got.