Annoying/ Insensitive Co-Irker....

TiffanyBlue927

So I have this "friend" from work who I used to socialize with occasionally during and, once or twice, after work. She's a bit into herself normally and I can usually handle her only in small doses...

Anyway, she has son who is almost 2 the she says she had TTC( I really have no idea if that is true) but anyway, she sends me pics of him all the time. She knows I have been TTC forever but does not know details, and thinks I am still going to doctors etc. She has no idea I am adopting cause she would blab it to the entire work facility. 

Over the past weekend while I had my meltdown over my profile, I open my e-mail, and guess what...Pictures of her son awaited me from Shutterfly,  but here is the best part...He was wearing a t-shirt that said, quite clearly "BIG BROTHER" in huge letters. Fun way to tell the world she is PG...again. Great, Just what I needed. So, I run into her at work Tuesday and I see the big bump I was hoping to avoid peeking out from under her scrub top ( I work in a hospital and scrubs hide a lot!).  I guess it was mean that I didn't acknowledge the baby bump, but I really could not handle it.

I think it was mean of her to send me that picture, so I guess we are even.

silliestbunny

People can be dumb!  I hear ya', though.  Sometimes it's just too much.

Ranita

I'm sorry you had a tough weekend.  We've had so many of those over this process.  Sometimes I can be excited about other people's babies and feel inspired by their stories, and other times I've just wanted to hide and cry.

MsBlake

Perhaps I just have a different view, but if she thinks you are "friends" that is why she shared. I can tell that you're struggling but to me, this just doesn't seem as though she was trying to be hurtful.

ColoRxGirl

I'm not flaming here, but I kind of agree with PP.  I doubt her intent was to hurt you - even though I'm sure that's how you felt.  I still have pangs of hurt and jealousy when I see a baby bump or get irritated when people complain about their children - so I get where you're coming from.

Whenever I see posts about insensitive comments and irritating behaviors perpetrated by people who have no idea what some of us have gone through (infertility, pregnancy loss, you name it) I'm always a little conflicted.  While I totally understand how hurtful it is to hear about other people's pregnancies or their ignorant comments about adoption, I think we have some responsibility, too.

If you know that there are people in your life who are insensitive - avoid them.  Don't open their cutesy e-mails filled with pics of their baby's first steps.  When they start blathering on about their kids, politely excuse yourself and walk away.  If they say stupid crap about parenthood or adoption - politely call them on it and explain why this hurts you.  If you are still in an emotional place where you are hurting, sensitive or angry - protect yourself.

I've been pretty open with my coworkers about what we've gone through (5 MC, now adopting) and have had really positive feedback from them.  I weathered 2 close coworker's pregnancies while going through our little drama - and they couldn't have been more kind.  My CW have been remarkably sensitive about the topic and I think it's because I trusted them enough to be open about it.  My fertility problems - and subsequent decision to adopt - are nothing to hide or be ashamed of. 

Obviously, there are going to be situations that we can't anticipate and have time to emotionally steel ourselves for.  But, part of the grieving process is to come to terms with our loss and find the ability to be happy for others when they have joy in their lives.  It may hurt like hell to congratulate others for what we can't have - but it makes us better, stronger people for having done it.

I'm really sorry for your pain - I hope you don't take this as a flame about your feelings about this situation.  Just trying to give a different perspective. . .