baby shower?

katiejo11

anyone have/planning on a baby shower?

Our case worker discouraged it for reasons such as a failed placement. what would you do with all the stuff? etc.

but i dont know, i already have two seperate ones (thrown by my mom and MIL) in the early stages of being planned and I was really looking forward to celebrating this time with my family and friends at my shower. she suggested having them after the placement is finalized which in my state is several weeks later at which point i would have already purchased all the necessities.

its our first baby...any thoughts?

Mom's Getting Married

We are going to have a shower after the placement; kind of a combo "Sip and See" and a shower.

 Personally, I wouldn't want to have the shower before. I wouldn't want to buy all the stuff and then end up waiting a year or two. By then, you may want different things or there may be "better" things out then. Or you're taste will have changed. Not to mention, I don't want to have a ton of "gender neutral" things. I want to be able to shop for either a boy or a girl.

I think if you have a shower now (before you are matched) for your basics and things, that might be fun. That way, you aren't getting "baby specific" items. I mean, a bath tub isn't really gender specific; all babies need a bath. But as far as clothes and things like that, personally, I would wait. You don't want to buy a cute outfit for baby X and then have that placement fall through and finally get to use the outfit on baby Z. For me, every time I got the outfit out I would think of baby X. But that's just me.

You do what you think seems right for you. Everyone is different. But that's my 2 cents.

Good luck with everything!

Erica

 

jacksjerseygirl

So here are my thoughts ... through out our adoption journey we have treated it very much so like a first pregnancy because in many ways that is exactly what it is for us. I think that some who have been on a 'loss rollercoaster' may think that it is naive of us to share our adoption news so freely but it is exactly what we would have done with a first pregnancy.

We have decorated the nursery and we have purchased most of the 'immediate' (in our opinion) items. I realize that if this really had been our first pregnancy we would have put most of the stuff we did buy (the crib, the changing table, the rockers, the stroller, the car seat) on a registry and it would have been purchased for us. We made a strict rule from the beginning when we did announce that we were 'expecting' through adoption that we did not want any gifts or showers until AFTER we had a placement.

Even though we don't want to miss out on the well wishes, gifts, and excitment that comes with a 'pregnancy' we realize that there is a roughly a 20-25% chance of a match or placement failing. So this is one piece of advice that we will heed from others who have adopted, from professionals in the field and from others who did have a shower but then had a failure ... we will wait until AFTER placement to have showers (and I imagine there will be several of them).

We look at them as be-lated birthday parties for the baby. And, even though we have purchased many of the hot ticket items for a newborn/baby we realize that on our registry we can put clothing for future sizes and hot ticket items they will need in the future (like a high chair, a toddler car seat or booster seat, and so forth - we just might have to store them in the attic lol).

I think ultimately everyone has to do what they feel is best for them, and believe me being a control freak I would love to just have the showers now and 'get everything' so I can have it ready and organized, but after reading about others failures online and hearing about them in person ... I realize that the possibility is always there and that in some ways we do have to be guarded with our emotions and the sensitive nature of having a baby (whether that is through pregnancy or adoption).

PSU-NCBride

We are doing it both ways. My work folks really wanted to have one and be involved now. They've seen the adoption weighing on me and wanted to give me something to be excited about. In January they realized how quickly it could happen as we were being considered for several cases placing within a few weeks. I gave them the okay to have it and they sent out invites. Then we got the call for our match and thought we would need to cancel because we would be out of state picking up our baby.?

When the placement failed, we were left with figuring out what to do. We decided to still have it because it felt painful sending out a cancellation and made us feel like we had failed even more. Needless to say it was akward, but we know our baby will be coming home soon and are thankful to have a few less things on our list.

For our family and friend showers, I think we will wait until after placement. We've gotten all the necessary things now so the rest probably doesn't matter when it comes. ?

CaptainSerious

We are doing an international adoption, and the moment I told my old college roomie that we were adopting, she asked when we she could throw me a shower!  I've held her at bay, and told her that we should wait until after I get a referral.  After all, we don't even know what age child we'll be adopting (2-6) or if we will welcome home one child or two.

Since we have to travel within a few weeks of hearing, it's entirely possible that we won't be able to have the shower until after we return home and our child(ren) have had a chance to adjust.  I'm okay with that, though, since this shower would really be more for celebration purposes anyway.

Ranita

This is our first child and we are adopting internationally as well.  For us, we have tried to have the experience of being first-time expectant parents and also celebrate the wonder of adoption and educate those in our lives about this process.  So, with regard to baby and nursery items we have purchased our crib and matress and a few little things and have had a couple of small items given to us and a few people talk about showers.  Because my cousin has had one failed match already and because there is a lot of interest in adoption in my extended circle, the conversations have all revolved around having the shower after the referral arrives or even after we return home.  I think this is what I'm more comfortable with.  For me, it's not even as much about concern over a failed placement but more so, as CS said, not knowing the age of the child (3mo - 12 mo) or the number (1, twins, or baby-toddler sib group) we will be welcoming home.  Having said that, I've also had a lot of pg friends who waited until after the birth to have a party so I think this is one of those things that is really open to what you as a family are comfortable with.  The expected arrival, and the actual arrival of a child into a family should most definitely be celebrated in great ways and it's just about how you most enoy doing that.

Anne Marie

I think you should have the shower this is an exciting time for you and your husband and I am sure your family and friends want to share this with you!!!

 

Temp206787500007404

I have a feeling one will be thrown for us post-placement.

I would refuse one beforehand.  If I had had one before our placement fell through, I think it would have been devastating.  Right now, we're just buying necessities for ourselves as we go along and putting them away in the nursery closet.